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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why is dh being miserable cos i go to Ministry of Sound at weekends?

118 replies

blahblahwhatsupnow · 07/04/2007 12:11

Hi
i love clubbing, its my whole life and i want to be a dj - i have decks and am always practising. Dp gives me no support and says being a dj isnt a proper job and i would rather go out than stay in with ds and dd. i do go out every sat and thur night and dont get in til around 4 but then i do get up at 8 so its not like i sleep all day.
Dp says he is happy to look after the kids while im out, and he goes out Mons, weds and sat nights so not like he doesnt get to go out and get pissed too.
So why the hell is he so miserable with me? i very rarely take pills and when i do, i stay at a mate's so the ds and dd dont see me.
He is pissing me off with his attitude.

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 14:26

She did ask for everyones opinion. Thats a risk one takes when they post on here

Snaf · 07/04/2007 14:29
Glassofwine · 07/04/2007 14:29

IOHW - I know that's true, but people do have feelings.

I read your thread with awe this morning, I think you are being so amazingly strong, but couldn't think what I could add to help. How would you feel if I posted that I'd rather my life than yours? I think people are being cruel.

singingmum · 07/04/2007 14:30

Glass only if she did it
a)when Dc's asleep
b)with their help
c)if dc's older then while they play and she can keep eye on them
Am very opinonated on these things as when I write only do so if Dc's don't need or want me.My dc's are 12 &6 so I have no probs there.My career (one day I hope) has to work around them.It's my duty and pleasure as a mum

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 14:33

I would agree with you

I don't think anyone is being intentionally cruel. I think as soon as children are mentioned it does tend to bring out a maternal fighting streak in some women But i think everyone cares, otherwise they wouldn't post. In this instance I think people are thinking more of the children.

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 14:33

if she was out working in a club as adj it would be different

Snaf · 07/04/2007 14:35

Erm, this is veering into working and SAHM's territory, and I'm sure no-one wants to go there, do they? Not all careers or interests can only be pursued when the kids are asleep, singingmum.

Anyway. I think the real crux of this is that even an old fart like me knows the MoS is deeply uncool and you should be DJing eslewhere if you want a career with any credibility, blahblah.

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 14:37

perhaps the answer is find out why you both feel the need to go out clubbing so much

and get some advice on your potential to get work as a dj and how to go about it

i don't think anything comes by osmosis so just lurking near a dj won't do

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 14:39

We don't know that the DH actually goes clubbing do we? Did i miss that bit? I think he probably just gets annoyed that she's out til all hours. Maybe she wakes him up when she rolls in at 4am. Maybe he's grumpy through lack of sleep

singingmum · 07/04/2007 14:39

I was just replying to glass on the whole hobby thing.If she was djing as zippi says then he'd have no complaint in my eyes,however she says that she practices and goes to clubs for drinks and sometimes drugs. As a parent I can understand him getting p'd off.Also there is nothing wrong with pursuing a career but she seems to say that that is not what she is doing when out or at the very least is a pipe dream that she hasn't researched very well

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 14:43

well dh is not at a quilting bee

"and he goes out Mons, weds and sat nights so not like he doesnt get to go out and get pissed too"

so between them they go out and get pissed 5 nights a week

so stop, think and plan for a better life

Snaf · 07/04/2007 14:43

Maybe he's enjoying a pint or ten at Stitch and Bitch...

EnormousChangesAtTheLastMinute · 07/04/2007 14:43

what's wrong with going out twice a week? if op was popping out to the local organic veggie restaurant with her nct mates would she have got all this flak?

good for you blahblah, keep going out but why not ask your dp talk to your dh what's pissing him off? point him in the direction of mumsnet, sounds like he'll find plenty of mates here who'll join him bellyaching about having an independent dp.

i'm also not keen on 'wife'. as for 'the wife' or 'wifey'. bollocks to twenty first century post feminist irony, the offender is put straight sharpish.

And if anyone, young or old, regrets having children and finds the reality a shock (and i'm not suggesting this applies to you blah blah) then what's wrong with trying to find a balance between having a 'me life' and parenthood?

k'f

ChocolateSucksWithoutSugar · 07/04/2007 14:52

lol at zippi's

'i don't think anything comes by osmosis so just lurking near a dj won't do'

Original poster
blahblahwhatsupnow · 07/04/2007 15:59

Glassofwine and couple of others , thanks for sticking up for me!!
i have already done a dj course and have done sets in a well known club in brighton, its just theyre not as often as i'd like and i dont always do the best set hours-wise (am on early in night)

how dare you feel sorry for my children???!!

OP posts:
noddyholder · 07/04/2007 16:02

What do you expext when you say you take pills!I am no angel when it comes to drugs but I certainly wouldn't risk my life/health when there are others to consider.I don't think anyone thinks you shouldn't go out or pursue your djing

Original poster
blahblahwhatsupnow · 07/04/2007 16:04

SHALL I SAY IT FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME???
I VERY VERY VERY VERY RARELY DO A PILL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, THE LAST TIME WAS OVER A YEAR AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND I DONT PLAN ON DOING ONE FOR A LONG TIME, IF EVER!!!!!

OP posts:
lulumama · 07/04/2007 16:06

so what's your plan to become a pro DJ?

lulumama · 07/04/2007 16:06

always find a plan helps !

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 16:11

volunteer for hospital radio would be good

lazyemma · 07/04/2007 18:40

There's been a scientific study recently which came up with a new way of reclassifying drugs according to an "index of harm" - ecstasy came several points lower down the scale of harm than alcohol did. On any friday night in any city you care to name, you'll find drunken parents of all ages falling over, starting fights, and decorating the streets with their vomit and discarded take-aways. I'm sure none of you would bat an eyelid if the OP had said "once or twice a year, I like to get really drunk", but because gasp she drops a couple of pills as infrequently, you're all jumping up and down like a bunch of Jeremy Kyle audience members. Give her a break.

lazyemma · 07/04/2007 18:42

Having said that - I do think that going out two nights every single week is probably pushing it, and you do need to think about spending more time with your partner too.

misdee · 07/04/2007 18:43

having big tits helps with bveing a female dj.

misdee · 07/04/2007 18:51

ok being serious now. aside from practising on your decks (what do you have btw?) how are you getting work as a dj? have you had any sets yet? do you carry records with you in case a dj does a no-show? what style of music do you play? and most imprtantly if you are at MoS, do they know you?

zippitippitoes · 07/04/2007 18:51

i did say drop the drugs and the alcohol