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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Doctor Foster

111 replies

debbs77 · 24/09/2017 23:21

OMG. Had this show recommended to me today.

I find it quite hard to watch, having had my ex husband cheat on me, and I'm holding my breath a fair bit, but I'm loving how strong she Is!

OP posts:
SuckingEggs · 28/09/2017 12:20

I think the letter that Gemma gave Kate contained HER vows to him and that she is in fact obsessed and is going to drown him.

Offred · 28/09/2017 12:26

Yeah, it's that going on the attack when you are on the back foot thing that compounds the destruction... it's designed to avoid anyone holding them responsible for the things they've done.

TheFormidableMrsC · 28/09/2017 12:39

Offred, I think you're absolutely right. Unfortunately, I still receive threatening solicitors letters from OW with all manner of fabricated allegations. I never ever get a response. I am never offered any evidence. I think she just uses them to wave under people's noses to show how "mentally ill" I am and why ex was "forced" to leave. Imagine being that bloody insecure? Hmm

TheFormidableMrsC · 28/09/2017 12:40

SuckingEggs I agree that Gemma is obsessed but I think it's born from trauma rather than anything else.

Offred · 28/09/2017 12:53

My eldest kids' dad told everyone I was stopping him seeing the kids... people would accost me on the street shouting and swearing, he'd told (the latest) OW all kinds of crap about it being over and how he couldn't leave the flat because I was 'crazy' and would stop him seeing the baby, he met my parents in the pub and got them all whipped up about me 'stopping him' etc etc...

Eventually he manoeuvred himself into a corner where he had to do something about it and I started getting solicitor's letters and invitations to court...

The reality was that he resented our baby for taking my attention and disrupting his life. He would not allow me to have the baby in our room initially but then I got him to concede to this on the condition that I was to pick him up at the first noise and feed him in the living room, when the baby started to eat food I was to take the high chair into the living room to feed him there.

Most of the time when my eldest was little he would not be at home, he would be out (shagging anything that moved, scrounging drinks in bars, messing on fruit machines), if he was home he would be on his PC drinking beer.

He never did anything at all with me and the baby unless it was dragging us out to somewhere so he could show him off.

But the lies he had told were all about what a great dad he was and how I was mental....

I'm very grateful to family court for seeing through his crap! I've heard such horror stories!

Offred · 28/09/2017 12:58

Sorry take the highchair into the baby's bedroom!

Offred · 28/09/2017 13:07

He was diagnosed as having BPD actually after a few psychotic episodes a few years later... I knew about the BPD diagnosis because he told me at the time but he's only recently (since DD has had issues) about the psychosis...

I'm very glad that he is doing so much better (diagnosis) and that he seems to be relatively happily married and that his life is now stable etc in the past few months I've gained some appreciation of him but there are times (when he says crap that isn't true just to show off at CIN meetings) that I remember 'no, he's not to be trusted'....

I do think Doctor foster is a 'good' drama in that it has certainly touched sensitive spots in a lot of people.

RustyLeaf · 29/09/2017 13:45

Doctor foster is a 'good' drama in that it has certainly touched sensitive spots in a lot of people

^I think this is true. Though some of it annoyed me - the bloody sex scenes as per usual actors are asked to get naked and busy in a degrading and unnecessary way.

I am not convinced though on the Borderline Personality Disorder though. She is impulsive, emotional and superficial at times. But I'm not sure that she is manipulative enough. Also she maintained a marriage for 15 years as almost the sole bread winner as a respected doctor. I'm not sure a person with strong Borderline traits could sustain that level of commitment and steadfastness.

My first thoughts in the first series was that it was about her trying desperately to deal with trauma of what was happening to her. For me, this was the most compelling part - how she dealt with the betrayal and confusion all around her. I actually experienced something similar (not to do with a relationship) and I really recognised some of her responses - including suddenly more drinking, and (once) going out at 2 a.m. on my own to a club just to get away from the horror of everything that was happening to me as my life fell apart spectacularly and I was completely alone (with a dependant child). It was weird to see similar things on TV, even though the reasons and storyline was different.

The other thing I liked about the first series is the way they make her a complex personality. Originally she comes across as the lovely, blameless, caring GP and mother. When it all kicks off though the "feral" side comes up - something commented on earlier in the storyline by her husband (though in a sexual way). Whilst most women would play nicey-nicey, partly for self-preservation and what-would-people-think she does the opposite and ups the ante and fights back for a settlement on her terms in a way that most people would perceive as "unwise". You kind of cheer for her guts and gusto, but worry for her at her high risk take-no-prisoners strategy. It also becomes clear how alone she is in her trauma. The way she is (arguing with the unsympathetic old foster mum Mary round dinner) before she walks into the sea you really feel for her aloneness and betrayal by (almost) everybody. For me that was a brilliant part of the series.

However, by series 2 I think she starts to look less sympathetic as a character; the storyline and behaviours get increasingly peverse and sensationalist (and I will be glad when its over now tbh). As we veer to the car-crash ending (literally) Its unclear whether she is trying desperately to save herself, her son or the second wife - or all three. Or she could be more unhinged than first thought. Her behaviour around her son seems increasingly disturbed and agree with people some of that is hard to watch.

Quelto4 · 29/09/2017 13:52

Can't watch it any more, she is obviously very mentally disturbed. You hear of people committing suicide and taking their children with them to spite the other partner, makes my skin creep.she

RustyLeaf · 29/09/2017 13:52

I should add I probably sometimes looked and behaved a bit "crazed" during that time, and actually was on one level (crazed with pain), but at the same time I was holding it all together because I absolutely had to^ or we would go under.

RustyLeaf · 29/09/2017 13:53

I feel similarly Quelto, maybe just want to know the ending. But then again, maybe I don't.

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