Dilemma

[Starlet1]

Hi am am 60 with two children, both grown up.
I have lived on my own for a long time now and I am happy. I am busy and have a lot of friends. I was in a relationship which ended 18 months ago and I haven't dated since then until recently. I wanted to learn to love and appreciate myself and to enjoy being on my own. I am retired but I have part time work and do voluntary work, go to the gym and sing in a choir and see friends ,I go away on holidays and short breaks on my own.
I met a man a few weeks ago and I have been on a few dates with him, I like his company. I don't find him sexually attractive yet, but then again I have always gone for men who were bad characters, so I see this as a good thing. He is a normal bloke, intelligent and sensitive.
I am OK for money, not well off but Ok.He was a lecturer but when he retired he went back to university , and he doesn't have any money, just his pension and some benefits. He doesn't drive and he doesn't have a passport. He does have 10 children from ages 5 to mid 30's. I don't mind going Dutch when we go out but my ex took me for granted as far as money was concerned and I am wary now.
I have dropped him off at his house and he said that he is too embarrassed to let me in, and from the outside I can see why, it's a wreck.totally falling down and not looked after.I don't want to go in!!. Last night for the first time I asked him if he wanted to stay the night. This morning he apologised because he had left a "skid mark" on my sheets. When I looked later it was much more than a skid mark, it was disgusting and I had to wash the sheets and the mattress topper cover. All this is extra work for me. We shared a bottle of wine but he spilt his glass all over my sofa, my cushion and my new solid oak coffee table. I calmly cleared the mess up and put everything to soak. But I am disabled and it has taken me all day washing and cleaning to put everything right.
I have worked hard for everything I have and I love my home, I feel that it has been disrespected although I do understand that accidents happen.
He is very keen on me and he is a gentle man, with good morals , goes to church etc but I can't put up with a 63 year old who acts like a younger student and who dresses like one.
I just don't know what to do. I cannot ask somebody to change, but he would have to. I feel such a snob. What would you think and do?

That's lovely thank you. Yes I blocked him, I had to find out how! Yes, men our age generally want somebody younger don't they, and men older than us don't appeal to me either.
So, yes, we will carry on being single and happy. I certainly never want to have to put up with this again! It's gross. 💮🌼🌸🌼💮

well done OP great feature BLOCKING

Well done op. I just wanted to add to what others have said and offer support - you have totally done the right thing, this chap just doesn't seem right on any level - all those children! It is very clear that you have a happy and fulfilled life and you do not need someone to drag you down. I hope this unfortunate episode soon passes and that someone very fab comes into your life who is on your wavelength. You're absolutely not a snob!!!

Thank you Pennina. It's so kind of you. I'm not really looking for anybody. This man goes to a group I attend and I have spoken to him for a few weeks and had a few evenings out with him. he seemed nice, but he's very possessive and clingy - I had 40 emails today until I managed to block him, it is a bit scary to be honest. And yes, 10 children and he doesn't see them apart from the two youngest who he sees at a contact centre for one hour once a month.That set huge alarm bells ringing!!! I didn't find that bit out until yesterday morning when I asked him to leave.
The whole thing became very unpleasant and I don't know anything about him. There must be a good reason why he doesn't have his children!!!

Starlet1 and kaitlinktm I am 62 and seeing a man aged 53. Admittedly I look younger than my actual age, but I was honest from the start, and it isn't a problem. Hope you both find someone decent too - regardless of their or your age!

Bless you xxxx

40 emails?! Good grief. I hope he doesn't turn up on your doorstep. If he does please don't open the door, shout that he needs to go away or you'll call the police - and be prepared to do so.

how you feeling today Starlet1 ..

I hope all the attempted contact has eased off ...

Sounds awful.
You have definitely done the right thing. Ignore.
Enjoy your life and carry on with it.

Well done blocking him OP. What pp on here actually think it's OK to have 10 children who don't live with either parent and he only sees for 1 hour a month? Oh and defend him shitting on your sheets? Some women on here clearly have REALLY low standards.

Hope it doesn't ruin the group you attend.

Hi. I have to agree. I don't see anything wrong with good old moral standards. And I don't see anything wrong with the way I live my life and I bet I am a lot happier than most of these silly women who support him!
I remember today that I lent him my son's dressing gown, so I had that to wash too and the towel he used. It's simply not on. Because of my disability it takes me hours to do simple tasks and making the bed again literally took me two and a half hours and I was exhausted afterwards. Normally this is something my carer helps me with but I'm not disturbing her on a Sunday. This episode took a full day of my life to sort out.and I spent the afternoon and evening in bed unable to do anything very much.
And 10 children , who he does not support and doesn't even see? That sounds like a very bad situation doesn't it. Poor kids. I know he is Catholic , but.....
I'm glad I kept my PJs on all night, very glad,( shudder) perhaps his supporters would like to criticise me on that too? I only let him stay because it was late , nothing else was on the menu.
No he didn't spoil my singing group, I was polite but didn't look him in the eye or spoke other than when necessary. He gave me a card saying he was sorry about all the emails yesterday and sorry for the mess, so that's something I suppose.
Dating just seems too much trouble you know?

It's made me realise just how fortunate I am . Everybody goes through rough patches, myself included , but we are each responsible for our own happiness , I can't make him or anybody else happy, it has to come from within .
Thank you lovely ladies for your support and encouragement, I wish you all love and joy xxx

Just a card today!!!!! I blocked him on everything, see my post from a couple of minutes ago. 🌺💮🌼🌸🌺

Thank god for the pjs. It could have been even worse.

Quite! 😨

I do so love a Happy Ending

You've handled the situation perfectly and with dignity op. Really glad you're still enjoying the singing group too, good for you. I hope it doesn't put you off dating entirely

Yes, it has. I just can't be bothered with it all now. 😂😂😂😂

Crikey.

I'm 47, and if I was single, I wouldn't date anyone with kids under 18! Fuck that shit. I've raised my kids, and couldn't imagine dating anyone who was still doing that (not that he seems to be, but you get my drift).

So many warning signs:

No money
10 kids
Kids that are still young
Can't drive
No passport (ffs)
Lives like a tramp

No x 1,000,000 multiplied by Infinity

Setting aside the mess on my bedding, the children put me off enormously. I've done my bit - I don't want it again! Plus he doesn't see them, that seems a contradiction in terms but there are obviously issues surrounding them or him
I love going on holidays. He doesn't have a passport
I love going out for days. He doesn't drive
There is no way I am funding him, driving him around, forgoing holidays. He has nothing to offer!!!

You have all made me feel so much better. Thank you 😍😍😍

How does he have 10 children aged between 5 and mid thirties with the same woman? And this woman now has a new baby? She must be in her fifties at least. I know it does happen, but it sounds unlikely, although I can't imagine why he would make it up.

He has been married twice and both times to younger women apparently the children are aged between 30 ish and 4 years old. I see no reason for him to lie, but don't understand it either.

Ah, that makes more sense, if it was two women. I couldn't get my head around it, but couldn't see why he'd make it up as it hardly makes him more attractive. A lucky escape for you, OP!

I suppose at least he married them. 😂

Any man who has to see his two youngest children at a contact centre (under supervision) is to be avoided.

AND that is quite apart from anything else

I'm totally agree! It's scary! That wouldn't have happened for nothing.