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Original poster

Living in a place where people are unfriendly ...

35 replies

GetsMeDownABit · 19/09/2017 11:06

I just was interested in people's views on this.

I moved somewhere a few years ago which is very pleasant in many ways. I moved from a big, friendly(ish) city. I don't want to go into detail too much as it might out the place, and me too. But its in the South (where I'm from).

Anyway, one thing I've noticed is how unfriendly people are, generally speaking. I've made the best of it, I have a few friendly contacts, but sometimes the insular, unfriendliness of it gets to me. I'm even thinking of moving again, this time to somewhere more open and friendly, though this would not be easy to organise. Or perhaps its just that the UK has become less friendly generally, or I have become more happy-go-lucky!

Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2017 11:10

Move to Yorkshire, as well as many conversations with people I DO know I also have friendly conversations with lots of other people
If you stand by the grapes long enough in any supermarket round here before long someone will join you and you will have a pleasant chat about grapes!!

InDubiousBattle · 19/09/2017 11:16

Hopping is right. I live in Yorkshire and have several friendly chats every day. I think it might help that I have young children and use public transport though- I chat to folk on the bus all of the time! I went down into town (very tiny town)last week without either of the kids and at least 5 people said 'you're on your own today! Where are the little 'uns' and so on.

Are you talking about ununfriendly people out and about or people you are actually introduced to through work/friends etc?

ladystarkers · 19/09/2017 11:20

I lived somewere like this for 5 years. It was really tough. Eventually made a group of friends then I moved for work! It was visually beautiful and miss that, also loved my house. But much happier were I live now.

inchyrablue · 19/09/2017 11:21

Yes. We moved from a big city renowned for being unfriendly (though we have always found the opposite) to a small town. What was hard wasn't so much that people were unfriendly, but that they were actively unfriendly i.e. Would make a point of excluding/being really rude/downright frigging nasty. They also spend lots of time on social media telling everyone how friendly and welcoming they are and what great community spirit there is.

We concluded that some people are just unpleasant, and it is easier to ignore them in a big city.

ppandj · 19/09/2017 11:29

I live in Yorkshire but my family are from elsewhere on both sides. When people come to visit they always comment on how friendly it is here, even down to the driving. DSis lived in Newcastle for a bit and it was really friendly there, too. It depends on your jobs as well I think, hobbies etc.

littlemissneela · 19/09/2017 11:34

It took almost 15 years for my previous neighbours to start talking to me. It also took getting a dog - a real conversation starter.
The new road we are in is 10 minutes walk away from the old one, and people are so much friendlier. It might be an age thing as at our previous address we were there from early 20's and had a few parties (most weekends ) so that probably stopped them from wanting to speak to us.
I think what also helps, is doing work in the garden. People see who you are and will say hello if they see you there often enough. Give it a little more time for people to get used to the new face in their area.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 19/09/2017 11:39

If you haven't already do try Meet Up. It tends to be better in cities but worth a google.

mindutopia · 19/09/2017 13:08

I don't necessarily know if places are 'friendly' or 'unfriendly' but definitely as people move through life and are in different points in their lives, there really are less opportunities for engaging with people and being friendly. I've lived in probably one of the most 'unfriendly' cities in the world (New York) and I found it really easy to talk to people and meet people and within only a few months I had a huge circle of friends, many of whom I've kept in touch with now more than a decade later. But I was in my mid to late 20s then. My lifestyle meant I had opportunities to meet people and I had time to be out doing things and talking to people.

Fast forward 10 years, I'm in my mid to late 30s and while I live somewhere in the UK that is probably considered much friendlier than New York, I wouldn't say I have a huge circle of friends here. In fact, I can count on my hand the number of friends I have in this area. I've lived here 6 years now. But when you get a bit older, there just aren't the same opportunities for meeting people and socialising and you're busy with work and rushing around and it's just different. I don't think in my case it has anything to do with the area, but I'm at a different place in life and where I work is different and the places I go day to day are different, etc.

bigbluebus · 19/09/2017 13:15

I live in Shropshire and i often hear people talking on the local radio who say they visited and found the place so friendly that they moved here.
People are quite happy to start a conversation at the bus stop or in the street. I live in a village but I'm not a "local" but I've been here long enough that if I walk anywhere I will undoubtedly have to stop for a chat with someone along the way. Everyone says hello as you pass them even if you've never seen them before.

Original poster

GetsMeDownABit · 19/09/2017 14:26

I went out today and thought its really lovely here again .

I think the conventional/unconventional thing comes into it too (perhaps even more than the age thing mentioned by mindutopia), and when the two combine maybe even harder! So will be pondering more.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts/stories.

OP posts:

shouldaknownbetter · 19/09/2017 18:37

I once moved somewhere new and was told 'a place is as friendly as you are'.

It might be that you have to put yourself out there a little more, OP

Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2017 18:44

I agree
Because I live somewhere " friendly" I behave the same way wherever I go so even in places seen as " unfriendly " such as London and I find that people tend to be friendly back.
Except on The Tube, they don't like it if you get on and loudly say " good morning" to the whole carriage!!! ( only joking, I'm not that bad)

Pebbles1989 · 19/09/2017 19:55

I could have written your post, OP. I also live in the south and have literally no friends in the town I moved to two years ago. It probably doesn't help that I feel there is a big class difference and I'm a bit of a fish out of water. Some of my neighbours preyed on me for gossip when I had a family tragedy a few months ago. They saw it as their chance to ask all the nosy questions they'd been saving up and didn't even bother to hide their intentions. Another woman abused me in the street for basically nothing. So yes, I do know how you feel, but I don't know what the answer is. I think about moving too.

Mollypolly2610 · 19/09/2017 21:58

Move to Scotland! I just moved to a village and also near a larger town and I can't believe how helpful and friendly people are in both. (Although I am Scottish myself).

chapthedoor · 19/09/2017 22:05

Move to Glasgow everyone speaks to you here

HarryElephante · 19/09/2017 22:07

Maybe you're too good looking.

CoyoteCafe · 19/09/2017 22:11

I read your post twice to see if you'd moved to Montreal. My DH's job had us there for a while, and it was misery.

Different places really do have a different feel. It's not all in your head.

HadronCollider · 19/09/2017 22:21

Yorkshire, Shropshire, Scotland, Glasgow....they sound great! Need to move, it's miserable round here!

Howlongtilldinner · 20/09/2017 00:52

The south of England has its reputation for being..erm..reservedIm a talker, happynto chat at a bus stop etc. Older people generally seem to be more friendly, maybe they're happy in their skin. I do know that from being born in the east end of London (and still down south) things have changed, people are very reluctant to talk to 'strangers'

MrsLilymunster · 20/09/2017 04:34

I once lived somewhere that was small quiet and "friendly".... after a little while though of really trying I realised alot of people there were just nasty :-( move to Cardiff. Atmosphere and people are really friendly! Xcxcx

Notearsgoodbye · 20/09/2017 04:55

When I moved to Manchester people were so friendly, when a stranger in a shop would act like they knew me I would look around wondering who they were talking to. You only had to go in a pub once and everyone would greet you like you were a local.

I think there are definitely friendly and unfriendly parts of the world.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/09/2017 05:04

I also live in an unfriendly part of the uk. It's also in the south. When I go elsewhere I am struck by how friendly everyone is. I was in Manchester this weekend and every interaction was just warmer and friendlier than it would be where I live. Same in the part of the U.K. I'm from (midlands). It makes me quite sad and I hear what you say about wanting to move. This coolness really puts me off where I live as I love a chat. I sometimes think that when I launch into a chat here people think I'm s bit eccentric. But a cheery "good morning" can make my day.

malovitt · 20/09/2017 06:49

When I moved house last year and was waiting outside my old property for the removal van, the neighbours opposite came over to introduce themselves and welcome me to my new home.
Lovely - except that I'd lived there for over thirty years and was often in the front garden weeding etc. I must have walked past their house four or five times per day.

Another friendly experience from the south!

Bamboofordinneragain · 20/09/2017 07:43

I've lived in Yorkshire, Scotland and Manchester over the years. Now 'down South' and have been for a while. And all the comments above are so right - when I took my DD back to Leeds once she said "mummy why are all these people TALKING to you?"
I pulled into a bus stop this week and offered an elderly couple a lift into town as it was pouring down. They reacted as if they'd won the lottery.

yolofish · 20/09/2017 08:09

A PP mentioned 'fish out of water'. That's me, been living in a coastal village for 18 years and have ONE friend here. Lots of people to chat to when walking the dog or whatever, but friends are very thin on the ground because we are 'different'... it's hard, and everything I've tried to find friends hasnt worked.

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