Hand hold. 31 weeks pregnant and he's now dating his ex-girlfriend

[timingisabastard]

DP walked out 5 weeks ago - we were engaged, planning a wedding, I'm now 31 weeks pregnant and we have two children.

He stated depression and not seeing our relationship working - things weren't great but a shock to the system.

We've spoken every day since. He messages every day. He has come over on his days off and some days after work.

He's lost weight, new clothes - most of his stuff is still here. Living at his mum's. We've still been sleeping together. I saw things improving in that we were getting on, we were making plans for birth of baby, and it seemed there was a lot of flirting - like when you first meet someone in the heady days before you get together.

It's been shit but there almost seemed like a light at the end of the tunnel.

Last night he told me that he was taking someone out for dinner. Second date. First was last week - he left my bed and went out with her. She's his ex girlfriend - they've been messaging for three weeks (he says).

It feels worse than him leaving - it's not quite cheating but I feel so hopeless and betrayed and humiliated.

Last night I felt so shocked I couldn't stop shaking, thought I was having labour contractions.

He phoned up crying. Saying he was still in love with me. That he didn't want to hurt me. That he still wanted to be around when the baby was born and still see our children as much as possible. I've told him that we can't be friends and we have to formalise things.

He's still going to see her - although he cancelled last night saying he felt like a shit. He thinks he was honest. It turns out his mum refused to see me until he'd told me because she didn't want to lie to me.

I feel the absolute lowest I've ever felt. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want to have to do all the stuff I do now and have a newborn all on my own. I feel like I've been left to deal with everything and he's living the good life with no responsibilities.

I also want to message her and say something - tell her that just before he was with her he was in bed with me - that he's been sleeping with me, that I'm not some crazy, I'm just heavily pregnant and he's an arse, but I also know I will just seem unhinged.

I've deleted all social channels. I'm seeing the GP today about stress related migraines. I just don't know how to get through this. I don't want to.

First you are never alone.
I don't have anything in terms of advice.
But time IS a healer.
As hard as it may be, concentrate on your babies. It's the only love you'll ever need.
I guarantee the tables will turn, he will realise he's been a total arse and want to come home. And by then you may well not want him.
Hold your head high x

You have done nothing wrong. Focus on you and your babies. You can absolutely succeed by yourself, it sounds as if he offers very little anyway.
Tell his mum once baby arrives and get a formal contact in place.
He will regret his choice one day but don't go back to him!

Heartbreak is truly awful.
The pain is so real.
And 31 weeks pregnant? I don't know how you are doing it but you are!
You are sounding stronger already.
Keep going and get that support around you.
Well done on acting so quickly.
If he didn't use condoms you might want to put your mind at rest with an STD check?

What a disgusting arsehole. I'm furious on your behalf and I hope his cock drops off. What a vile way to treat your fiance and the mother of your children, especially while your pregnant.

You'll get through this, it'll be hard but your so much better off without this loser in the long run. He'll have fun trying to explain himself to the children when they're old enough to ask questions.

Your doing the right thing not having him at the birth, have you got someone else to support you through it?

You poor poor thing

I can't imagine how you must feel, I'd be devastated at moving on so quickly, let alone at 31 weeks pregnant when you are hormonal, uncomfortable and in need of the support.

He is a manipulative bastard isn't he? Deserting his pregnant partner, but trying to get you to feel sorry for him because he feels guilty about what he's done. The tears are ALL about assuaging his guilt. Do not feel sorry or him. Keep him at arm's length.

Can you ask someone else to be your birth partner? It sounds like you have support - even his mum sounds like she has your back (at least for the time being). I wish you all the best. This is one of those situations where you have to put yourself first.

So much love for how well you've clearly been dealing with this. You do need to be selfish and think about you and the baby, not him, as it sounds like all of his choices have been selfish ones so far. The birth needs to be all about you and your needs and he'll just have to get in line with that. Wishing you the very best and I hope this thread will help you feel a little bit stronger x

Didn't wanna read and run! That's just shit. He's a shit. Not only has he left you pregnant, He's lead you on. Just to get into your bed.

Get a support network that doesn't include him.
Call CMS or child support whoever they are know about his paying for your other two children and then again when baby's born.

OP, what a horrible selfish man he is. Just thinking about his dick and not his pregnant fiancé and two children.
Cut and run, youll be fine on your own

I may have cocked up. I sent a message to her and told her a few truths about him. I may have let my anger make me unfair. I thought I'd deleted it and thought no more of it - well apparently she's seen it and won't tell him what it says but he's pretty livid, mainly because we've had forced time together and I just completely forgot about this bloody message.

I've spent the afternoon and evening in A&E after seeing the GP about my migraines - suspected to be stress related. Awkwardly, he had to take me and stay as no one else could drive me at that point.

Litres of fluid, some anti-sickness and enough codeine to knock an elephant out, I am finally home - drs wanted to keep me in due to severe dehydration but I wanted to come home.

After a very awkward hour in a small dark room, we did eventually talk about things. He repeatedly said he won't see her, that we are more important and that he will do as much as possible to help but those words feel very empty. It doesn't matter anyway, the trust has gone. You can't change that and pretend otherwise. Apparently they've only seen each other once. I may have referenced having to get an STI test...

I imagine that any friendliness has shrivelled back up now though - do I apologise to her or not? I've definitely let my anger shine through without thinking here. Balls.

I don't think anyoone can blame you, most of us would lash in reaction to the situation. Just try not to message her again, if he didnt act like a dick you woukdnt have anything to tell her so unlucky for him I say.

His promises to help are empty words frpm the sound of it.

Don't apologise to her. You did nothing wrong. Surely she would want to know what was going on anyway?

Forget how the message has made him or her feel, it's their problem. Whatever you have said about either of them is undoubtedly deserved anyway. He's an absolute cunt and you are being so strong.

What a piece of shit he is.

Unfortunately, you're right to suggest that it'd be wise to have STI tests- there is no way that you can trust that he hasn't had sex with her, and you need to ensure that his actions don't put your health or the baby's health at risk.

I think he's probably panicking that he's not coming across very well to her now. I won't message her again - I am going to let a cooler head prevail.

He's just messaged me to say that he's looked after me all day and I've taken him for a fool

I can't even think of anything to say back because my head is pounding. I'm usually much more restrained.

I think tomorrow is a new day.

You've not taken him for a fool. He is a fool if his oen making.

No need to apologise to her. Let her know what he's like. He should be ashamed of himself.

Ignore his message.

You've taken him for a fool? He was sleeping with you while messaging her/sleeping with her. He's got a fucking cheek.

You've taken him for a fool ....talk about projection.

Personally, I would block his number and unblock when necesssary. You need some head space and you won't get that with statements like the above.

It doesn't matter either way when he's seen her, what they've done, hes got feelings for her and whether he waits or he carries on, that's out of my control.

I am going to block him for now and just take it one moment at a time with regards to him - I've never felt less in control of a situation or so up and down - is that pregnancy? The end of a relationship emotions? Both? I've never been in this situation.

My parents are livid - they don't know everything but my mum is furious - the friends who now know are all supportive but it feels like they expect me to be stronger than I am.

How does it get better? How do you get through something like this? How much is this stress going to have affected this poor baby?

You are doing great, jusr get throygh eaxh day one at a time. Block his nynber now until it is time for his contact with the kids. He is a cheeky fucker, you have made him look a fool, how dare he!

I know it seems imoossible right now but step by step one day at a time it gets easier. Sounds a cliche but it really does.

I just wish there was a button I could press to get to that point.

You've all been so kind and lovely, it means so much. I hate this feeling of being weak and missing him and knowing that he does not deserve it.

The whole thing is just a mess. I find it hard to believe I'm in this situation at all - how do some people get it so right and others get it so wrong?

The baby will be fine so don't worry about that.
Your body will do what it needs to do to protect it.
Keep hydrating yourself though.
Sugary tea, ice-lollies, smoothies, what ever it takes.
I think if you are usually a strong person, people expect you to just get on with it.
You are in a very vulnerable position right now so make sure they know that hormones etc.... mean you are not OK with all this and you need their support more than ever.
They will be there for you.

Sod the message. What's done is done and you don't need to worry about it anymore.

And.... he's still being a fucking cock!
You are right to block him for now.
Look after yourself.

What a vile pig of a man, he's not a man actually, absolutely disgusting.
What would he think if someone did that to his daughter? He'd think the guy was a piece of vermin and want to kill him, if his son did it he would probably think far less of him and want to kill him also!!

That is horrible and unforgivable, not only is he incredibly selfish but he is putting your health and the unborn babies health at risk. How the hell does he expect you to look after your other children and stay strong?

I am fuming on your behalf at this person and I am not one of those people who always sees cheating as black and white and will always accept that depression can cause people to act out of character and so on but this level of disgusting selfishness is on a whole other level.

I've got a top-up migraine brewing, but thankfully the tablets from the hospital are kicking in - no dodgy vision so far - very active baby though, which is good.

He was supposed to be coming over to take the youngest today so I could go back to bed but I haven't heard anything and I'm not going to be getting in contact with him - can't bear the thought of another row or just having to be around him when I feel so rubbish. It's stupid stuff like his smell (I sound crazy, I'm not) it just feels like salt in raw wounds - so much harder to cope with when there are children involved. Thinking about doing handovers via his mum for now.

I know this bit is definitely hormone related and it will pass. People break up all the time. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Even knowing what a complete arse he is and has been doesn't make it easier - I've never been able to dislike someone for long because I always find myself thinking about them and why they do it and feeling sorry for them, which is definitely not needed here.

However, I keep reminding myself of what he's done and how he called me up last night, not to check I was okay, but to shout at me for sending that message - and the more I think about it, the more it's obvious he is only worried about how he's come across - he obviously isn't going to want her to know that we've been sleeping together because even if there's IS a fledgling relationship, who wants to get involved with someone who treats people like that?

If they do end up together and she knows all of that, they both deserve each other - I have enough to think about.

His mantra of him being a man by leaving a crap relationship might get him through - but the fact is he was too lazy to do anything about it and he chose to walk out. That says it all.