What would you make of this?

[gingergenius]

I'm a bit confused! Have been with OH for 6 years. I have 3 kids (not his) and he did live with us for about 18 months, but it was clear it wasn't a good dynamic so we split up for a few months as there was some tension but ultimately it wasn't working for my kids so I asked him to move out (think older kids/early teens clashing with alternative father figure- recipe for disaster but I naively thought it could work. I have learned my lesson).

We started seeing each other again but I try to keep our time together to around 3 times per week - kids tolerate him but would prefer to have me to themselves. They do however acknowledge that it's not him particularly, it's just that he's not their dad, which I get. So we've been bobbing along with a reasonable amount of compromise and everyone has been comfortable with the arrangements.

Last week, I saw OH more than normal as we also work in my business together and sometimes this happens. He stayed over more than normal. Kids were fine (we are very open and talk lots and I know they would say if it was problematic) - I've had masses of work this week and my eldest wanted to watch a movie with me - Saturday night was the first night I've been able to due to client deadlines, so we agreed on Friday night that we'd have our movie night on Saturday.
Told OH that was our plan on Saturday morning and he was most put out, stating that as it was a Saturday night we should spend it together.

I pointed out that we'd seen a lot of each other and that it is important to me that my kids don't feel I put him over them.

He's still refusing to acknowledge my point and still if the opinion that because it was a Saturday, I should somehow have put him at the top of my tree.

I love my kids. I've made mistakes but they are my priority and we are very close (they are 9, 12 and 15).

Am I wrong to think he should back off? I feel like he's really out of order for stropping about this - but every time I try to get him to see my point of view he shuts it down by telling me he doesn't want to get into an argument. I'm really confused! WAS I unreasonable???

Dont mean to upset you OP, but these points that you made gave me the impression that you yourself thought you had not spent enough time with your DS this week - so wanted one to one time.

"...work priorities have meant that I've not been much available to anyone this week. My son had been asking for some 1-2-1 time for over a week and this Saturday was the first time I could accommodate"

'I've had masses of work this week and my eldest wanted to watch a movie with me - Saturday night was the first night I've been able to due to client deadlines,"

"...he'd prefer not to spend the evening with him, and would just go to his room if OH was here."

"...eldest DS would just have gone to his room as prefers not to have extended hangout time with OH."

"...we'd seen each other for 5 out of the 7 previous s days/evenings "
"....He stayed over more than normal"

"It's been a heavy week due to client deadlines so he's been over more than normal."

To clarify, I work from home. I've been with the kids - we sit and chat whilst I'm working but deadlines have meant I haven't been able to stay up late and watch a film. I have been with my kids all week. We've discussed their days, I've helped with homework, I cook dinner and we eat together every night.

It's a juggle. But I'm not away from them. It is what it is. I run a business and the DC see their dad once a fortnight. I'm lucky enough to fully control my schedule but several deadlines were looming last week which needed a push. As I say, it is what it is.

You were not unreasonable at all OP to want to spend time with your DC. And secondly, I have no pets, I am not a doggy person at all but frankly the dog thing for me is a big no. That would have been it for me. It was cruel to take it away from the family.

What do you see as the long term future of this relationship?

If he's been over so much in the last week then it's really odd that he resents the Saturday night.

@OlennasWimple honestly? I don't know. I try not to think too far ahead as there wounds that need to heal. Certainly living together is not on the cards whilst my kids are in full time education and at home. I guess it depends if the relationship will weather the storm or just eventually peter out.

My dp would chew his own arm off before stropping about me spending time with DC ahead of him.

Sorry OP but grown up men know that kids come first. They just do.

I've had to cancel plans with dp because DS has needed me / asked for 1:1 time. Dp (because he is an adult male who can care for himself ffs!) is GLAD to cancel/move things around when I say I need to... As he says, he knows my time is precious as I'm a single mum, and he is entitled to none of it, lucky to have some of it!

I've no time for this sort of fuckery! You're there mum for life, he is a man and (in the nicest way) replaceable...

And that's leaving the dog /other silliness out of it...

Op you weren't unreasonable. You're allowed to say you're doing x without asking his permission. He has seen a lot of you this week, why is he so entitled in his attitude? You're not his mum! You're a grown adult with your own needs, wants and values...