The Dating Thread Number 122: Colour By Numbers

[ConorMcGregorsChin]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread.

[whatisgoingon1]

Also if they are flaky about giving their FB or phone number,its a huge red flag

[IndieTara]

Whatis that is exactly what I usually do! But has resulted in being Catfished twice and stood up 7 times!
Whats app makes it worse because you can still see them online whilst being stood up!

[IndieTara]

I've been around the blockwith OLD so know exactly how bad it can be.
I only went back to POF as I met somebody on there 4 years ago and we stayed together for two and a half years. But now its much worse

[PhoenixMama]

Indi if you're not in a heavily populated area Tinder might be better than Bumble?

[Lovemusic33]

I'm going to give bumble a try again though last time I couldn't find anyone near by, Tinder is similar (ok if you live in a big town or city). POF is just full of weirdos, people looking for a hook up, married men and people looking for a rebound, I hardly see anyone on there now that looks relatively normal/nice.

[IndieTara]

Thanks Phoenix i'm in a big city

[PhoenixMama]

And 7 standups is brutal! Like seriously left you waiting at the restaurant stand ups? It's only happened to me once and it was gutting!

[whatisgoingon1]

IndieTara
Are you saying you don't get conversation going until first date or stood up afterwards?
You probably need thicker skin. I can not emotionally invest in a man unless we already DTD.And I would only DTD if we have consistently been dating for at least 6 weeks , and established that we like and respect each other and met each other friends ,gone on official dates etc. Having said that I still had the most horrendous heartbreak after 2 months of perfect dating,when I love you been said on both sides but after a first not so perfect evening together he decided he doesn't want anything to do with me,I was blocked on every platform imaginable within halfhr because he decided I'm Miss wrong based on a single moody conversation(tired and hangover). To make things worse he lives 5 min away from my workplace and I seen his car passing by.

[IndieTara]

Phoenix yep 7 times left standing or sitting in various places on my own.

[IndieTara]

Sorry it didnt work out for you Whatis

[ZippyMan2000]

EverythingHappens "and I'm still suspicious! I'm still looking for the catch!! Aaarrrgghh what's wrong with me"?

Everything s on their best behaviour n the first 6 to 12 months. Wait till the spark fizzles a little and I m sure you`ll notice the red flags. lol Good luck.

IndieTara That's happened to me 3 times so you are not alone. I had all 3 women set up a date. One I had nearly got on the bus to meet her and text to say I was setting as I was at the bus stop nd she replied to say she had been asleep and just got up. Gees! "That old chestnut"

The last girl I dated is back on PoF. I feel hurt and disappointed as she moved on without giving us a chance.

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

I sent a reply to someone who'd made an effort in his message to me turning him down very nicely. He's obviously prone to fits of pique (sooo attractive) and replied saying he didn't want a flaccid old cod anyway!! This really made me laugh especially as I think I'm much more of a reef shark.

So on that note which underwater creature would you describe yourself to be?

[IndieTara]

Zippy my ex is back on there too but keeps suggesting we meet...
Not happening

[couchtospecialk]

Thanks beenthere and love music. And hello to everyone else... I missed this thread...

I have a date on Monday. I need help. Am recently separated (1 month) from H so very early days. But I met this man on OLD who knows my situation, seems lovely, understanding and the sexual chemistry is off the chart. I'm so nervous. I've been very clear about boundaries and he gets it but I fancy him rotten.

It's a walk in the park then drink so no pressure. But arrrrrggghhhh!

[PhoenixMama]

I can't believe how horrible these people are who stand others up. What is wrong with people???

Whatis How do you get to 6 weeks without dtd??? Is that one date a week? You must have the most incredible self control! I have so many questions lol! Do they stick around or do you notice a drop off??

Couch It's WAY too early for dating imho. Give yourself a chance to grieve. Even if your marriage had been over for years just being on your own again is hard to get used to. Of course he says he gets it. No one tells you their going to do their best to get you into bed & then ghost. If you just want to get shagging someone new out of the way then go for it but otherwise be careful because there's a huge scope for getting hurt. Good luck!

[couchtospecialk]

Pheonix I know you're right. I do just want casual sex and to feel desirable again. Though OLD is a new world to me and it does seem that things are much more casual these days.

It is possibly a stupid thing to do. Feels righ thtough I'm not in the best frame of mind at the moment.

Maybe I'll be back on here on Tuesday lamenting that I should've listened but I can't imagine not pulling this thread now...

[eatingtomuch]

I was messaged this morning. Couple of nice exchanges and he asked if we could meet for coffee. I agreed and we arranged to meet at lunch time. Then 30 mins before we were due to meet he messages to say he can't make it, he has been called into a meeting.

My introduction to OLD is not going well. Wonder if I agreed to quick to meet, but after chatting via text to the last one for a week and it being a huge disappointment when we met I thought I'd change tactics

[Lovemusic33]

If you just want casual sex then just make sure you have made it clear to him. I don't see anything wrong with wanting casual sex, I did the same a month after leaving exh, it improved my confidence so much, my ex had always told me that no one would want me so when I had loads of men messaging me and wanting to meet I made the most of it . Just make sure you are mentally prepared for men to sleep with you and then vanish as this is what tends to happen with OLD, I managed to have a few friends with benefits who hung around for a bit.

[eatingtomuch]

Couch - I built up things in my head too much with my first OLD yesterday. The only way I can describe it is that I had a week of reading the best book I've ever read, then I watched the film and it was all totally ruined.

Mr storyteller was not a bad person, just not what I had imagined.

[PhoenixMama]

I don't think that's necessarily wrong Eating I've had some great last minute dates. But if you're making it last minute whilst you're both at work stuff does come up. Has he suggested a reschedule?

[eatingtomuch]

Phoenix - no he has not asked to rearrange

[PhoenixMama]

Good advice Love. There is something to be said about the confidence boost. But you also have to be able to stay confident when they leave you & walk away. Take what you need, be upfront about what you want & then protect yourself like crazy.

[PhoenixMama]

Eating wait & see how it goes. I think you're building it all up in your head a bit. It's a numbers game. If even 10% of matches turn into an actual date then I think those are good odds. The chance of it becoming what you want it to are around 1-2% unless you are very very very lucky.

[couchtospecialk]

Thanks everyone. I have told him I'm only looking for something casual and short term. Who knows how I'll feel if he disappears afterwards or cancels last minute. Or I won't fancy him IRL. Taking the risk agains tall sensible advice

Eating sorry to hear that he wasn't the right person for whatever you were looking for then...