The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Go Sober For October?

[Mouseface]

Hello, 'tis me, Mouseface, welcome to the Bus, aka Gerarld.

We're a bus full of various Babes, from those who are as dry the Sahara, those who drink in moderation, those who binge drink and can go for weeks without a drop and then fall arse over tit (pardon the french!) straight off the bus and into the sidecar, and then we have Babes who try every single day to give up.

The thing is, we all do 'this' ONE DAY AT A TIME and with passion too. You have to WANT to stop with every fibre of your being.

And that's what this bus is about. We support each other. No matter how many times you fall of the Bus, we'll always be here to scoop you back up and listen.

So, come and join us. Lurk, or grab a seat, make sure you're comfy and enjoy the journey as we talk about the dreaded drink, plus everything from how expensive Tena Lady's are, to what's in the slow cooker!

We don't judge, this isn't a competition, it's our lives.

And if you'd like to read the last thread, HERE IT IS

Plus, if you'd like to see where the Bus started out, you can RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon xx

Hello. I'm sorry for the babes having a horrid time at the moment. I hope you are some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Can I join? I was here previously had been doing ok moderating but the last week hasn't been ok. I need to nip it in the bud and have a break. So here I am. Day 1. Again...

hello everyone,
Welcome to the new posters and big squoosh to lovely Gugg great to see you, Spanna, Beaches and Smallfox* posting again.

MissHoolie my lovely, you are clearly in a dark, bleak place and I'm so sorry. Please keep posting won't you, someone will always be here. What you're going through is out of my range of experience and I can only urge you to keep seeking help - would you consider meetings? Give one a go? I'm so worried for you.

Ruby sounds a good idea to steer clear of this friend for a while, it can be helpful if painful to have a mirror held up to us sometimes but we should be able to confide in a friend and not be judged.

It's only since I quit wine and drinking so heavily I can recognise how I really may have come across and it's difficult. Try not to let it shatter you but in the light of day may she have had a point? Please believe me I say that kindly and with understanding as someone who would have been terribly upset and defensive if anyone had mentioned my behaviour in the past. I do hope you know I'm just musing here and it may have been horribly unfair of her of course and the accusing you of a criminal offence may negate everything I just said.

Mint I hope you feel better soon get rest and look after yourself.

Remember you can say what you like here, the 'me,me, me' is 'us,us,us'

Anyhow, weird weather today, strange atmosphere around, oppressive and I can't say I like it. Feels like something is going to happen.

Dubh Elba if you're out there, miss you both and you made I hope you're ok.

I know I've missed people out, sorry it's not deliberate. sending strength to all.

Luxury Thank you so so much for your kind words. You’re a very wise lady.
The good news is that I’m back in London which has massively helped my mood.
I’m just such a Londoner. Even though my parents and DB and Dsis have been amazing, I felt so trapped staying at my DPs because I don’t drive and public transport is virtually non existent and my dad has had his driving license revoked due to Parkinson’s so I did feel a bit like a caged animal.
It feels such a relief to know that I can just walk out of the door and jump on a bus.
I’m at a hotel with my DPs which is literally 3 doors away from this drug and alcohol place.
They open at 10am and it’s first come, first served in terms of assessments so I plan to be there at 9.30am tomorrow.
I was reflecting earlier about the last couple of weeks and I have had contact with about 25 Police officers, about 10 paramedics, 5 psychiatrists, 2 social workers and 7 or 8 mental health nurses.
And they’ve all been fucking amazing. They’ve shown me so much kindness and and none of them have made me feel like they’re judging me.
The only person who’s been horrible to me was a GP at my DP’s surgery.
Although it’s been awful, it has really strengthened my belief that most people are basically good. We’re all flawed and we all mess up but I think most people are kind at heart.
As I’ve said before, as a nurse, I find it really hard to be in the position of needing help.
But I am positive about tomorrow and that I will get the help I need.
This time yesterday, I was locked in a station waiting room with 4 Police and people literally gawping through the window like I was some kind of zoo animal.
When I wanted to go to the toilet, I needed 2 of them to escort me in arm holds with everyone looking at me and I wasn’t allowed to lock the door- a Poliicewoman had to keep her foot under the door.
24 hours later, I’m sitting in a hotel room. I’ve got a tv, I’m back where I live, I can walk out of here and jump on a bus.
I just don’t know what to do about the children- I’m desperate to see them but I really do look awful. I’ve lost at least a stone since I last saw them and I was bordering on underweight then. I’ve literally eaten about 2,000 calories in 16 days (although I’ve consumed several thousand in alcohol). My skin looks awful, I’m constantly sweating. As much as I want to see them, I don’t know if it’s the right thing for them or if it’s is just going to make them worried which is the last thing I want.
But I’m back where I belong. The only way is up.

MsHoolie you are so strong - I so hope you get what you need from the centre
I really need to kick this - I feel like I'm just letting every one down all the time and most of all I'm just not me any more ....... right now all I want to do is hide

doris I’m really not strong. I know that feeling of letting everyone down. I felt absolutely mortified yesterday about what I put my parents through.
We’re all in this together (although I think it was George Osborne who came up with that phrase before he went off on a skiing holiday).
I have been lurking on this thread since day one and I have seen so many babes slip again and again but get there in the end.
Just hang on in there. The wonderful thing about these threads is that we all ‘get it’.
I wrote a post a few days ago about how I get so frustrated with people on here and in RL saying ‘well just stop, nobody’s making you do it’.
I think that people who have never experienced addiction simply don’t understand the overwhelming compulsion to drink or smoke or take substances and that battling that compulsion on a daily basis is hard
There are things that I regularly fancy but it is relatively easy to resist. I love certain cheeses which we are told are a risk in pregnancy. Much as I love Stilton and Gorgonzola, it was fairly easy to say to myself ‘Oh well, I can go without for 9 months’. It was a minor sacrifice.
When I want a drink, the craving is absolutely overwhelming and having to constantly battle with that is really really hard.
I think we should all give ourselves a huge pat on the back because we’re trying. It’s something who haven’t experienced it just don’t understand.
I think all of us on here accept responsibility for our problem - I know I do- but it’s not as simple as saying ‘Well, just stop’.

We all get it MsHoolies, you are so right.

I'm so pleased you are back in London and I have everything crossed for you for tomorrow. The battle is exhausting, I hope you let yourself ease up and let the professionals look after you.

Been a bit of a radio silence from me the past few days, been keeping busy as much as possible and also been nursing a very poorly husband who had some significant surgeries last week. He's on the mend though and I've remained resolute. I seem to have found a sober momentum that has been alluding me for at least 3/4 years (last time AF I think 3.5 weeks in 2014?). So I am not fucking with the sober momentum right now.

So, 'Hi' to everyone from me! I have been reading honestly though the thread has moved too fast for me to attempt to name check.

Keep on keeping on babes.

Massive hugs doris I am very squishy and not remotely thin , so that was a proper big squeeze.

ruby my lovely you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. maybe she's very worried about you and is expressing herself angrily but it's just as likely that something shit has just happened and you copped a mouthful. Enjoy proving her wrong. Oh and as for embarrassing drunk deeds, I have several.

small I cannot leave the bloody thing alone! It is in pounds , that was just how it came. How are you doing?

Thank you so much gugg that's just what I need! I really want to do this - I'm so scared about how out of control it all is. To most I think I come across as just a normal person but a couple of people now - including my Dsis this weekend - have commented on my drinking which makes me feel so ashamed.

Not sure of the bus etiquette for a group hug. Not sure we do anything quite like that - but whatever, MsHoolie, I think you can be sure that I and a lot of other babes will be sending you the cool bus equivalent of a group hug at 9.30am tomorrow. I wish you and your lovely parents every positive vibe going: get yourselves to the front of that queue and get yourself the support you so richly deserve. We're right behind you.

Thread moving too fast to name check but gave a little squeal of excitement to see beaches again.
Having a difficult issue with dh. Cant be arsed going into details.But totally totally pissed off.
mrs hoolie hang in there.
mint have you battened down the hatches?

doris try not to feel ashamed because you're here doing your best to tackle the issue. What in earth is there to feel ashamed about getting sober? Alternately, think about all the shameful things your Dsis has done and call her to tell her all about them

I can a a 9.30 virtual hug- good idea fox

ma can you send DH out to look for something in storm Ophelia? Brain cells maybe?

Good evening. Still AF here. I don't really have much to add to those who are struggling . I wish I could give you all a big squishy hug to my ample definitely not fat bosom, whether you like it or not , and take your troubles away.

I've got a slightly awkward meeting at a get together coming up at the weekend. Not looking forward to it. This person spoke to me (and several others) very badly a while ago but I've been shunned as I was drunk at the time. Everyone else has had an apology from them . I'll get through it though - I'll put my big girl pants on, keep my gob shut and it'll be a pleasant day. Off to bed with a hot chocolate now .

Small Thank you. I feel almost excited about tomorrow.
Heman enjoy your hot chocolate. You’re doing amazingly.

Morning,
Just popping by to wish you lots of luck MissHoolie I hope this morning goes well and is positive. Lots of strength to you

Thank you. I found this when I was going through my bag. I will keep it as a memory of how bad things got.

Good luck this morning MsHoolie - I hope it all goes well for you.

How is everyone else doing this morning? I had wine at the weekend (am trying moderation) but back to AF yesterday and was actually looking forward to it!

Still catastrophizing about health anxiety (last night it was a heart attack- actual reality was pain in neck!) But I'll get there...

Good luck this morning MsHoolie. I am thinking of you .

MsHoolieall the best today. You are now on your way up from your rock bottom (metaphorically speaking of course, I am in no way commenting on the pertness of your posterior!)

Day 25 here. So far , so good.

Hang on in there MsHoolie you are doing great.

Ma
I battened down the hatches and so far only two casualties in the yard which is good going. There's a few trees down on the high street by work and the spring calves are hiding in the corner of the field looking a bit spooked. The sheep don't seem to care, they do have teeny tiny brains though.

Stealth boast to guggenheim
My day yesterday was filled with kittens. Cute cuddly little kittens and then the most beautiful squishy puppies.

I'm still poorly sick, this virus I've picked up after having had the flu jab has floored me. Just as I think it's going, wham, it hits me again. Roll on Saturday and a duvet day!

This bus is fairly speeding along at the moment so I won't name check everyone but I am thinking of you all and checking in to catch up. You are all amazing.

Thank you all so much for your support. It went really well. I only had to wait 10 minutes before I got seen but then threw up everywhere which I think is part of withdrawal.
Everyone was so lovely and just said ‘don’t worry about it’ and someone just got a mop and cleared it up.
The bloke that assessed me was an absolute star.
There was a lot of questionnaires to go through, a lot of which didn’t really apply to me which he kept apologising for. When we’d got through all that, he just asked what help I wanted.
He agrees that, because of the amount I’m drinking, I do need a detox which they’re happy to do. I need to get blood tests done first and then attend a kind of introduction group next week and then they can get me started.
They have a really good programme- there are SMART meetings twice a week, a women’s group, an alcohol group, a relapse prevention group and loads more.
There was a real sense of camaraderie in the waiting room - you would just make eye contact with someone and there would be a kind of message that you had some understanding of what you were both going through. There were people who looked like most people’s idea of an alcoholic/drug addict right through to people in suits with briefcases.
It really brought it home to this can happen to anyone.
The guy that assessed me told me that he’s an ex heroin addict who has been clean for 15 years.
I know there’s a long road ahead but it was so therapeutic to talk to someone who I could be totally honest with and I knew wasn’t going to be shocked or judge me. When he asked ‘do you drink first thing in the morning?’ And I said yes, he didn’t bat an eyelid.
I feel the most hopeful I have for a long long time. Thank you all again for your support x

MissHoolie this sounds very positive and I'm so glad it went well.
This will be the start of something big and fantastic for you, I know it.
You sound ready for this, feel it?

Luxury Thank you. Yes, I am ready, I really am. But I will need a lot of support both from professionals and family and friends. And Mumsnet
After days of going round in circles and being refused the help I need, it was amazing to hear someone say ‘Yes, we can do that’.
Detoxing someone from alcohol really isn’t that hard - it involves 5 days of a reducing dose of Librium which literally costs about 3p a tablet.
I am going to do this. I want to be a proper parent like I used to be.

Just popping in to say I'm so happy for you, MsHoolie, that you've managed to get back to London and get access to detox.

I also just wanted to say that sobriety gets so much easier after the early days -- or it has in my case at least. When I first started trying not to drink, I couldn't do without it for even one day, and I thought that people who had gone a long time without drinking were exercising truly superhuman amounts of willpower. But the truth is that it's the early days that are hardest, when you can't reach for a drink to numb the bad feelings, and you feel incredibly raw and miserable. But the longer I went without drinking, the more infrequent the cravings became, and now I can honestly say that I miss it hardly at all. For some of us, sobriety is far easier than the impossible task of trying to moderate our alcohol intake. I'm an all or nothing kind of woman.

I've now been sober for 3 years, which is hard to believe, except for half a glass of prosecco that I drank in the summer because I was having the mother of all rows with my DH. Halfway through the glass I realised it was a stupid thing to do and I put it down, I was so afraid of my round-the-clock craving for alcohol starting up again. (thank god it didn't)

Sorry not to name check all you other lovely babes. Congratulations ma on your encounter with the ginger royal. Keep on keeping on everyone, it is so worth it and you are worth it.

Ah that's great news MsHoolie . Well done for persevering. I really hope this is the start of better times for you .

I'm sorry you are still feeling rotten Mint. I read this.....My day yesterday was filled with kittens. Cute cuddly little kittens and then the most beautiful squishy puppies. and thought 'How could I have got my life so wrong? S'not fair'. .

marfisa Thank you. That gives me hope. You’ve done amazingly. It does give me that I have managed to give up smoking which I honestly thought I would never manage to do. I smoked 30 a day for nearly 20 years.
Now the thought of smoking literally never crosses my mind.
I am going to take a step back because I feel like I’m taking up too much space on this thread.
I will be back when I start my programme in earnest which will probably be next week when I’m going to need all the help I can get.
You’re all wonderful x