i am "manipulative", "cruel", a "liar" and i "lack empathy"

[Artemiss]

Hello. DF changes from Jekill to Hyde and i have serious doubts about marrying him. I spent the last few months being confused, depressed , feeling guilty , doubting myself and my sanity, i even started thinking that i am all that he says that i am. But no one else ever had this opinion about me, the opposite. And if i am that bad why he stays with me? It doesnt make sense. He is thinking that he is some sort of martyr that he puts up with my crap because he loves me that much and i did believe that for long time.
The one side of him is the mr nice guy. He will be sweet , caring and say all the right things, how he loves me, how amazing i am ,how i always being there to support him, he wants me always by his side etc etc
And then is the other side. He gets overly angry over nothing, The little small tiny unimportant things will send him into rage. If i dare to complaint about something he starts braking things or going away to cool off. The problem is that i dont even manage to say one sentence before he reacts like this. Example yesterday i answered his call 3 minutes after he called. He said that i was too late and i should be there the time we agreed. I told him that this doesnt make sense and its just 3 minutes. He got so angry that he had to "cool off" Then started sending messages in capital letters "so i understand" telling me that i am ungrateful and nothing pleases me and that he is certain that i cause problems because i have a plan and probably i have another man here and i want his baby(?????). Then demanded an apology . And this is his mentality and behavior when he gets into this mood.Other times i can say half a sentense and he starts smashing things, usually when we are on phone but i can hear him. He blames me for everything and when i say that he is responsible for his own behavior he replies that i make him do it or that women arent to be trusted because their mentality changes with their moods
He also claims that i am a liar. Every time i have different opinion apparently i am a liar.
I am sure now that there is something wrong with him and not me but i would like some perspective please. When he is nice he is very nice and he claims that i change him and if i can only be nice he will go back to normal.By nice he means to say always yes and always agree with him

Soon enough it will be your face he smashes.

He is awful. Get out before he does you serious harm.

Jesus, don't marry this abusive fucker, run for the hills op!

Sounds like some kind of personality disorder, not that a dx matters, because the reality is you can't be involved with someone who treats you like this. The good times don't cancel out the very very bad times. They just don't.
Any name he calls you, is really a name he should be calling himself. Google "projection" and see if it sounds familiar.

Your fiancé is emotionally and psychologically abusive! Thank goodness you are seeing him for what he isx before marriage and before children! Please contact woman's aid, confide in a friend relative and start planning your escape now, before he escalates. I would then book yourself on the freedom program, this is so important! Fill in this questionnaire and call woman's aid for advice

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

Good luck

Why are you with him?

He is unhinged and obviously he is going to start hitting you fairly soon...

What are you getting out of this relationship? If you are getting anything, is it possible that you could start looking elsewhere for whatever that is?? Nothing is worth this kind of scary illegal behaviour...

Now you've written it you know. Get out. Why sign up to more years of headfucks and misery?

Get out!!!!

Character and behaviour don't improve with marriage. He's abusive and controlling. Get out before you have too many times, there are lots of civilised, polite and caring people out there to start a family with.

Sounds unbearable. Stop bearing it.

Sounds awful to be honest. You should feel safe, loved and appreciated ALL of the time. Flipping between nice and nasty is not a good sign.

Read your first paragraph again. Then free yourself from this person.

OMG I actually had to stop reading your post because it actually became too much for me to take in!! Let me guess, he can be a really nice guy right?

Jeepers this gives me the chills. However much you think you might love this bloke, you need to get the fuck away from him. Ten term 'abusive' can get thrown around a little liberally, but in this case it is 100% abuse. There may or may not be a diagnosable reason - but either way, it doesn't matter. You can't keep putting up with this insanity!

What disturbs me is that this behaviour is only going escalate too. He'll at some point stop smashing stuff and start smashing you. If he flips out over a 3 minute delay in answering the phone - what the hell will this guy do when he comes across a bigger 'transgression'? I'm actually worried for you safety.

Please please please do yourself a favour and get the fuck outta dodge! You do not deserve to be exposed to this lunacy. And please, do take care when ending it. Be safe

OP, go Google Lundy Bancroft.

Example yesterday i answered his call 3 minutes after he called. He said that i was too late and i should be there the time we agreed. I told him that this doesnt make sense and its just 3 minutes. He got so angry that he had to "cool off"

He is training you to accept his controlling behaviour. It will get worse not better after marriage. He got angry becausenyou did not obey/submit.

A man who is only nice to you if you always say yes is not a nice man.

The more you put up with it, the worse he will get. Guaranteed.

For Gods sake get out of the relationship before he starts taking his anger out on you!!!

There is no place for fear in any relationship.

"He says all the right things".

"He says all the right things"

Really? But what does he do?

Because love isn't in words.

Love is in actions.

This is what he does:

*He gets angry when you are 3 minutes late answering a phone.

*He accuses you of infidelity.

*He accuses you of lying.

*He smashes things up.

*He tells you it's all your fault.

Where is the love in all that?
Where is the respect in all that?
Where is the basic human decency in all that?

By the sounds of it you aren't living together and don't have children, so you are in the easiest part of your relationship.

Even the happiest marriages can be hard work. This is the best it is ever going to be.

Once you live with him, it will be much, much worse.

Once you have god forbid children with this man and you feel like you can't leave, how long before he smashes your face?

This isn't love. This is abuse.

He can say "I love you" a million times but that won't ever make it true.

Please, please don't marry him.

Run like the wind. Please.

Leave him. You can clearly see a warped head fuck type future with him. I can see any kids having a deeply damaged life which would impact their mental health.

Leave him. He will only get worse.

He is showing you who he really is. Can't you see?

His personality is disordered. Take a google at Personality Disorders. As a previous poster stated, it's not if but when he ups the anti and he hits you. Once you do not toe the line because of his emotional abuse or his smashing things up it will escalate
get out now

Please please please please please please, don't marry him.

Please.

And whatever you do do not have children with him. If you do you're stuck with him for life.

Just reading this made me feel scared. What is there to think about? Love is not enough and you are holding on to "his sweet side". Again, that will not help you in those other moments he is threatening and terrorising you.

I was with a narcissist for a while OP.

What they do is be super nice and charming for a while. Then they start to condition you to accept this abusive behaviour because you keep thinking where did that lovely guy go? He must be there somewhere, it's me making him like this.

No

The nice person is an act, the real person is the one you see now.

Run. And don't look back. These people don't change and all those things he accuses you of...he is projecting. These hollow shells of people actually hate themselves so much they need to consume you.

Go. Now.

Definitely don't marry him