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Original poster

Husband just walked out

77 replies

Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:11

Can't get hold of anyone in real life but would appreciate some emotional support.

Husband rolled in drunk, had a row. Tried to use his phone for something and realised he'd removed my fingerprint. Things haven't been right for week so challenged him on it. Told me I was crazy and added me (reluctantly after a visit to the bathroom)

Quelle surprise, once he falls asleep.... I find a workplace affair. Hadn't told me because I'm greaving for my mum. What a fucking gent.

He left for a friend's house. We have a 2yo little girl. Apparently this can't be worked out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:12

*while not week.

OP posts:
IrritableBitchSyndrome · 02/09/2017 06:20

Hand hold. That's really, really shit. So sorry OP.

rupertpenryswife · 02/09/2017 06:20

Geez that's awful I'm so sorry, is he asleep? Did you mum recently pass away? What are your plans for today?

rupertpenryswife · 02/09/2017 06:21

Sorry should read the whole thread, I have not had much sleep and just off to work. So he has just left did he talk or explain?

IdoHaveAName · 02/09/2017 06:26

That was nice of him to not tell you lol.

What a cunt.

You're so so so better off without him. Grit yourself girl. Go get life.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:28

She died a while ago but it's a big anniversairy and I've been struggling with it. I've been blaming myself that I'm some sort of paranoid grief nutter but it turns out he's been fucking gaslighting me for 3 months or so about how he's not always on his phone etc.

I guess I'd just like some reassurance I'm not going to be a homeless pauper.

He's just got a new job that pays a lot more after years of me footing all the bills. Feels like such a slap in the face.

OP posts:
twotwinboys · 02/09/2017 06:31

op this is awful! He will probably come back once sober and try to explain himself. What an idiot! So sorry your mum has passed away Flowers

hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:33

I want him to just come back and work it through. He's clear his mind has been made up for a few weeks. It feels so out of my control.

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 02/09/2017 06:36

What a cunt.
Just get yourself and your DD through the day, try to eat or at least have some sugary drinks.
While he is out of the home get any paperwork you need stashed.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:36

He's gone to a friend's house. We did talk but he was very 'my mind is made up'

OP posts:
Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 06:36

Get into bed and hug something tight, Pog.

Then think, hard. Yes he's been a canute but when you say 'a workplace affair' what does that mean? Is he sleeping with her? Is it flirting? Does it have to be curtains?

And when he says it can't be worked out, do you care or do you want to think about where this might have come from.

It might be this is just utterly, irredeemably shit, but it might not be. And if it is, you will find huge support, often from people you would never have expected it from.

Good luck,

Flowers
IdoHaveAName · 02/09/2017 06:37

Don't take him back. You might aswell roll over and write 'walk on me' on your back.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:38

Have been trying to be practical. Just so angry and lonely. Dd is away for the weekend. We were meant to be having a big date tonight. Bloody spent a load of cash on a new dress.

OP posts:
fullofhope03 · 02/09/2017 06:40

I'm so so sorry OP Sad
You do not have to do anything at the moment other than get support from friends, family and us lot on here.
Am holding your hand Flowers xxxxx

Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 06:41

Oh that's piss-poor. The date-night might have brought things to a head.

Whatever happens, you are entitled to an explanation. He owes you and your daughter that. Even if he was staying until he could afford to go, you have a right to know.

But it seems tolerably clear that this is more about him than it is a comment on you.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:42

What I found was this utterly cringe deleted note which was like a mocked up dating profile for himself. At the end it said 'I'm looking for someone to share all this with, preferably some ice been working with for 4 years. There's this woman who has always been a bit over familiar and he nodded when I said her name but who knows what to believe.

Any texts etc were carefully deleted.

He says nothing physical at all and it's a crush not an affair but he'd like to meet up with her now they don't work together. She had a boyfriend but recently split.

It's just all so fucking predictable. The stuff he wrote like 'I enjoy travel to South America and walking my dog in the woods are all stuff we do as a family. He just airbrushed us out.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 06:43

I really feel for you OP. A pp is right, it doesn't have to be the end and you don't have to rush into anything. Also, it shouldn't be him calling the shots. Within time, you need to decide if you still want him.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:45

I don't even know that I do want him back, I have trust issues anyway... or do I actually, cos I was actually right.

It's just a shock. I was hoping we'd have baby number 2 soon and now terrified I'll never have that joy again either. Also being homeless and alone forever. Y'know. Standard concerns probably.

OP posts:
hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:47

He did try to explain, but just that his feelings had changed. Apparently he was going to tell me in a few weeks (which tbh I doubt, he's v. passive) Keep wondering if I hadn't confronted him maybe everything would be ok still and we'd work it out.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 06:48

You are NOT going to be homeless. You are married so you have alot more rights. If you have a joint mortgage, you are entitled to half. If the house has to be sold, you will be entitled to social housing.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:49

Thank you that sounds like good advice. Just so frustrating I have been saying for ages something seems wrong, can we get a babysitter, toddler is draining on everyone and he could have said at any point in time.

OP posts:
Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 06:50

Ah now that's just daft! It is NOT your fault for confronting him. Yes perhaps your first instinct of going to his phone might have been a little wearing but as it happens, there WAS something to find. But to say that had you not confronted him, everything would have been fine is simply not right and you know it. You would merely not have known.

hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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