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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband just walked out

77 replies

Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:11

Can't get hold of anyone in real life but would appreciate some emotional support.

Husband rolled in drunk, had a row. Tried to use his phone for something and realised he'd removed my fingerprint. Things haven't been right for week so challenged him on it. Told me I was crazy and added me (reluctantly after a visit to the bathroom)

Quelle surprise, once he falls asleep.... I find a workplace affair. Hadn't told me because I'm greaving for my mum. What a fucking gent.

He left for a friend's house. We have a 2yo little girl. Apparently this can't be worked out.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 06:51

I was in your position and long time ago. Housing was my greatest fear but try not to get 10 steps ahead of yourself (as difficult as that is). You don't have to decide anything immediately x x

Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 06:51

Be a little careful about legal advice Pog. mylittlepony6 is sort of right but more not. Please only take legal advice from family lawyers.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:52

He's been telling me I am always checking up on him and saying stiff like 'are you accusing me of something?' So I was worried I was being abusive.

I just thought everything was nice and he's just fucking pissed all over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:53

He said his number one priority is making sure I keep the house. Just don't trust him anymore.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 06:54

Just trying to reassure OP and from personal experience but yes, you definitely need your own legal advice x

hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

troodiedoo · 02/09/2017 06:56

Poor OP Flowers how awful for you Pogmella

You're in for a turbulent time but you and your dd will absolutely be OK. You'll be better than OK, you'll be better off without that cheating shit.

Take every ounce of resolve you have and do not beg him to come home. Don't ask for details. Just breathe and take it one day at a time.

EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 06:56

There is no reason why you would be homeless. You are working (if you were the one to foot the bills), he has a new job that pays better (so will be able to pay you some appropriate maintenance).

As for never meeting someone.... why not? The world is wide and big. You can meet someone else and be happy.

Btw if you hadn't confronted him, thereniw no way you would have been able to change things round. He had checked out of the relationship. He just didn't have the balls to tell you. But that means it would never have been enough, nothing would have been enough, to make him change his mind.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 06:58

I had a kind if off childhood and was homeless at one point. I've always thought of myself as tough and a survivor. Feels like the past few years I let my guard down and trusted him and he just did the most boring predictable stupid thing.

I get why he's wandered, home is tough at the minute with dd, I don't put much effort in to myself and work last probably looks much more fragrant and chilled in comparison. But what the fuck? If I look frazzled you should step up a bit you twat.

OP posts:
EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 06:58

Xpost.

YY to legal advice and to not believe a word of what he says (eg his first priority being you staying in the house). He has proven that he can lie through his teeth. He could do it again.

Also, and I hate to say this, but do you think he had sex with another woman? Would an STI check also be a good idea?

hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesterton · 02/09/2017 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:01

Yeah do family law work weekends or am I stuffed til Monday?

I can't see him grovelling he's stubborn. Plus I imagine he'll have a fun year spending his cash and fucking his new girlfriend.

OP posts:
EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 07:01

home is tough at the minute with dd, I don't put much effort in to myself and work last probably looks much more fragrant and chilled in comparison.

These are never a good enough reason to behave the way he did.
Nor is it a reason good enough to actually have a chat with your dw to explain how you feel and how yu can change things together. This is not your responsibility to to do to ensure he is staying.
You didn't fail for not doing enough to convince him to stay iyswim

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:05

I know Eternal it just sucks thinking of him bouncing in to see her every day. I think it's the new job that's triggered him- realising he won't see her.

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 07:05

You may have to wait until Monday. Write down a list of questions and take someone with you if you can.

hesterton · 02/09/2017 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:09

Sad he's really good looking and funny and can be very kind. Not that I've had much of that lately. If he gives her his best side she'll feel incredible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:12

He's just been short tempered and distant for ages. I miss my friend. Also I want to make him hurt. It's shit.

OP posts:
hesterton · 02/09/2017 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Juststopit · 02/09/2017 07:14

I m so sorry, the same has just happened to me. Discovered messages after a gut instinct something was going on and being lied to for over 4 months. You and I deserve so much better. I strongly recommend you get advice, I m going to my citizens advice bureau and taking it from there. I don't feel I could ever trust him again and don't want to spend my life wondering what he's up to do for me it's over. I too have concerns about housing but that's a natural, responsible reaction to protect your child and yourself. I m holding your hand. Pm me if you want to talk. We will get through this and out the other side.

hesterton · 02/09/2017 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:16

I have lots of friends but no real family. His family help so much with childcare I'm a bit terrified about losing the support.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pogmella · 02/09/2017 07:17

Family are older/inform or abroad (I do have family obv)

OP posts:
mylittlepony6 · 02/09/2017 07:17

If they do get together, she will always be looking over her shoulder