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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please tell me what you think about my 2nd date? Im so annoyed at myself :(

145 replies

user1496589862 · 27/08/2017 18:29

First date was arranged about 2 weeks ago, for bank hol monday (tomorrow) to go for food and a few drinks. Dont usually do this on a first date as I think its better to have a quick coffee but I know him (school together) although not spoken to him in about 10 years.
Chatting and texting before hand and one evening I was free, he was free so we went for a walk. Stopped for a drink. He went in for a kiss. This is one of my pet hates as I dont think you should on a first date but I didnt mind as I quite fancied him. Felt like I knew him. He was very chatty, a little annoying but I put it down to nerves.
So 2nd date was still on for monday. Recently, I was coming home from a night shift and he suggested tea and toast for breakfast so I agreed. I thought its ok, he can come to mine. I kind of know him, friends in common, its just tea and toast.

I made a cuppa, put the tv on and we chatted for about 10 mins and that was wen he became a complete letch. I dnt mind a kiss but his hands were all over the place. I kept saying calm down. He pulled my hand towards him and he was telling me how hard he was. I pulled my hand away thinking this is getting uncomfortable. I tried to talk, drink my tea but he would not stop pulling me, kissing me and forcing my hand. Its difficult to text but this went on for about half hour and I kept saying, I need to sleep. Im tired. He would not go. He would not leave me alone. I stood up he stood up. I moved and he moved. He then exposed himself telling me he was horny. Asking me to go upstairs. I said no thats is definitely not happening. I was trying to laugh it off as I was becoming more uncomfortable. This happened about 3 times. I told him I needed to sleep and to stop and kept pushing him from me. I managed to get to the back door and literally had to shout a little and say I needed sleep. I honestly thought he was not going to leave.
When he did I cried. I know thats probably completely over reacting but I have never felt so uncomfortable and so out of control in my own home.
Right now Im feeling really strange and I dont know why. I wanted to post because I dont have anyone to talk to and Im annoyed at myself for allowing him over. Im disappointed in myself because I should know better.
He apologised later by text. Saying he was horny. I actually feel sick. He then text 'looking forward to tomorrow'....Oh my god that is not happening. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
user1496589862 · 28/08/2017 19:20

Thankyou everyone for all of your posts of support. I feel better today compared to yesterday. What a horrible experience. I did feel so guilty for inviting him to mine even though I thought I knew him but after reading all these messages, I feel so much better and not guilty at all. Angry with him!
I recieved a text message from him at 2 am reading 'LOL if thats what you want.' I ignored and have not heard anything since, so feel less anxious.
Again, thankyou everyone, really appreciate it :)

OP posts:
pickleface · 28/08/2017 19:36

OMG what a dispicable fuckhead! "LOL"... ewwwwww

wotabastard · 28/08/2017 19:38

Grrr Angry

TestTubeTeen · 28/08/2017 19:44

Ugh!

Had he had ANY self knowledge about his behaviour, or, actually, cared about you, his response would have been 'I am so sorry I upset you. I behaved badly and I respect your decision '.

'LOL..etc' : contemptible arrogant knob.

Wheresthattomoibabber · 28/08/2017 19:44

LOL = lots of lechery

HelenaDove · 28/08/2017 19:48

LOL??????????????????????? Entitled rapey fuckwit.

Sierra259 · 28/08/2017 19:58

Fucking prick Angry I actually would seriously think about reporting him to the police. Even if they can't take any action on your behalf, get his name known to them in case when he does the same or worse to someone else. His reply is chilling and shows either a total lack of insight or just utter disregard for his unacceptable behaviour.

everyonesgotanopinion · 28/08/2017 20:08

Something similar happened to me some years ago after one evening out with a guy I'd met in a club. To cut a long story short, after an uncomfortable evening out with him (boring, nothing in common) he played the 'my bus isn't for an hour, you could at least make me a coffee' card and then quick as anything had me pinned down on the sofa with his legs on my arms - if it hadn't been for me calling out for a house mate, I know I would probably have been raped. The asshole had the audacity to ring me several days later like nothing had happened and ask if I wanted to go out again. I was speechless and hung up on him. You had a lucky escape. Learn from it and don't let anyone you aren't totally comfortable with into your home again. Block him, he's a menace and dangerous. You'll be ok, you're just naturally shaken up, more by what could have happened as much as what did. Take care, lovely x

ChickenBhuna · 28/08/2017 20:15

Oh dear , he really thinks he's a prize and that the op will be back in touch and wanting to see him , doesn't he?

Poor deluded shitbag.

I hope you're doing well this evening op , take care of yourself and know that you've been amazingly strong.

MISSINDE · 28/08/2017 20:30

What a disgusting man

Booboobooboo84 · 28/08/2017 20:40

That was his response you have had a lucky escape. I'd be tempted to reply with actually this is awkward but when I saw the size of your dick I just thought what's the point. It's tiny.

Sancerresanwine · 28/08/2017 23:10

He exposed himself to you three times. In your own home. It does not matter if you invited him in and you kissed him. You asked him to stop. I would report him to the police without hesitation. I would block and delete him on your phone and then report him on the dating app. I would then tell anyone who may know him what he did.

Regularsizedrudy · 28/08/2017 23:25

I've not read the whole thread so I'm sure this has been said a million times but: you are not overreacting he has sexually assaulted you and you have nothing to feel guilty/annoyed at yourself for. He is a disgusting pig. Any reasonable person would have stopped at the first sign you were uncomfortable regardless of how 'horny' they were. I'm sorry you had to go through that op.

JK1773 · 28/08/2017 23:34

He's disgusting. You're well rid of him. There really are decent men out there. You deserve so much better. I'm sorry for what you went through.

SweetLuck · 29/08/2017 01:40

Thank god, you're well rid!!!

OutToGetYou · 29/08/2017 10:40

"LOL"???

Is he 12?

He obviously thinks he's something very special.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/08/2017 15:58

For the LOL comment alone I'd be asking the police to go and have a word. Fucking hell Angry.

NewLove · 05/10/2017 20:26

Has he continued to leave you alone? I hope he has - well rid...

springydaffs · 05/10/2017 21:40

I agree about going to the police. Just tell the story. This needs to be on record.

I'm so sorry op Flowers

Loopytiles · 05/10/2017 21:45

I worry that he has assaulted other women. Your safety and wellbeing is paramount, but reporting to the police might help them if he has, or does so in future.

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