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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please tell me what you think about my 2nd date? Im so annoyed at myself :(

145 replies

user1496589862 · 27/08/2017 18:29

First date was arranged about 2 weeks ago, for bank hol monday (tomorrow) to go for food and a few drinks. Dont usually do this on a first date as I think its better to have a quick coffee but I know him (school together) although not spoken to him in about 10 years.
Chatting and texting before hand and one evening I was free, he was free so we went for a walk. Stopped for a drink. He went in for a kiss. This is one of my pet hates as I dont think you should on a first date but I didnt mind as I quite fancied him. Felt like I knew him. He was very chatty, a little annoying but I put it down to nerves.
So 2nd date was still on for monday. Recently, I was coming home from a night shift and he suggested tea and toast for breakfast so I agreed. I thought its ok, he can come to mine. I kind of know him, friends in common, its just tea and toast.

I made a cuppa, put the tv on and we chatted for about 10 mins and that was wen he became a complete letch. I dnt mind a kiss but his hands were all over the place. I kept saying calm down. He pulled my hand towards him and he was telling me how hard he was. I pulled my hand away thinking this is getting uncomfortable. I tried to talk, drink my tea but he would not stop pulling me, kissing me and forcing my hand. Its difficult to text but this went on for about half hour and I kept saying, I need to sleep. Im tired. He would not go. He would not leave me alone. I stood up he stood up. I moved and he moved. He then exposed himself telling me he was horny. Asking me to go upstairs. I said no thats is definitely not happening. I was trying to laugh it off as I was becoming more uncomfortable. This happened about 3 times. I told him I needed to sleep and to stop and kept pushing him from me. I managed to get to the back door and literally had to shout a little and say I needed sleep. I honestly thought he was not going to leave.
When he did I cried. I know thats probably completely over reacting but I have never felt so uncomfortable and so out of control in my own home.
Right now Im feeling really strange and I dont know why. I wanted to post because I dont have anyone to talk to and Im annoyed at myself for allowing him over. Im disappointed in myself because I should know better.
He apologised later by text. Saying he was horny. I actually feel sick. He then text 'looking forward to tomorrow'....Oh my god that is not happening. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2017 22:22

DO NOT text him back for any reason. Block him and should he show up at your home, DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. Do not let him into your house. If he refuses to go, call the police. This man is dangerous.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 22:22

I think that's a bit ambiguous op, I'm sorry, the part about you feeling better tomorrow he will probably think you mean that if you do the date is still on.

Text and say " sorry not ready for dating, good luck in the future" and leave it there

And yes he's a sex pest. Can you imagine what he would be like in the future if he's like this befor he even has a date, ffs. No respect at all.

Jayfee · 27/08/2017 22:22

I agree with all of above. Don't ever date him again.

Helloyouitsme · 27/08/2017 22:22

Spot on.

Triplecookedkimchi · 27/08/2017 22:23

However, i would not make drama out if it, you know him for long so given it was a date at home some people expect sex to happen. also, some man see women who try to reject sex as a way of foreplay and playing hard to get to eventually give in.

Didn't take long for the apologists to crawl out of the woodwork I see Hmm

BlueKarou · 27/08/2017 22:24

Could you block his number in your phone? That way you won't be on tenterhooks waiting to see if he replies?

honeyroar · 27/08/2017 22:27

Bluntness she didn't put the bit about feeling better tomorrow in her text.

Hopefully he will get the message. But if you get any more hassle from him log it with the police, or tell him you will.

What a horrible experience for you. What is wrong with these gross kind of men.

GlitteryFluff · 27/08/2017 22:28

Even if he texts back with excuses or apologies don't go on any more dates with him. Block his number. Hope you're ok Flowers

Chickoletta · 27/08/2017 22:33

Text him saying that you will be cancelling tomorrow's date because he sexually assaulted you in your own home. Tell him that if he contacts you again (other than to apologise) you will tell all of your mutual acquaintances (if you were at school together you probably have a few) exactly what happened.

The man is a disgusting excuse for a human being.

TestTubeTeen · 27/08/2017 22:34

This is a man who had no difficulty in being so upfront with you that he felt he could gripe you and harass you and not take no for an answer. You hardly need to be delicate in your refusal of him.

OP, you have sent the text, now block him. If he ever turns up practice saying " I have said no and I mean it" in a very firm tone.

Pigletthedog · 27/08/2017 22:35

Hope you're ok OP. I don't know where you are in the world but if you are in the UK you should find that there is a sexual assault referral centre local to you. You can report what happened to them, obtain support and advice, with no obligation to report to the police. If you do decide to report what happened in the future, you know that it will be recorded somewhere and the police can then get involved.

If he does start to bother you by text or whatever, please don't hesitate to report him to the police for harassment so they can ensure he leaves you alone. That's their job and you should not have to feel scared in your own home X

Original poster
user1496589862 · 27/08/2017 22:36

Its definitely not my intention to date this guy again. I decided this as soon as he finally left my home just wanted to post as I felt really uneasy. Glad I posted as I feel better.

OP posts:
fortunacookie · 27/08/2017 22:38

I think moral of story is not to invite guys to your house as they think it's an invite for sex sadly..

Original poster
user1496589862 · 27/08/2017 22:38

Thankyou pigle for that info :) really appreciate the support.

OP posts:
Pigletthedog · 27/08/2017 22:39

Well that's bollocks fortunacookie

Figgygal · 27/08/2017 22:41

Hopefully he will back off and be mortified what a pig

Triplecookedkimchi · 27/08/2017 22:41

think moral of story is not to invite guys to your house as they think it's an invite for sex sadly..

That's interesting. I think the moral of the story is that men shouldn't sexually assault women. HTH.

Berthatydfil · 27/08/2017 22:44

He sounds as rapey as fuck with no understanding of consent.
He assaulted you in your own home.
Hopefully he will get the message.

hesterton · 27/08/2017 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyMorningHasBroken · 27/08/2017 22:49

Poor you OP. I would completely cut him off. He had no respect for you whatsoever and never will. They all say sorry!
Get rid asap - he can't be trusted.

ghanchi · 27/08/2017 22:50

This is how people react in this society today and it;s time everyone was educated on relationships at an early age. Since the sixties, the approach to sex has been changing, the problem is, many parents are too afraid to talk to their kids about sex because they don’t want to say “too much too soon.” Unfortunately, “too much too soon” often turns into “too little too late” as they learn from their peers and the internet. Sadly, children are becoming more and more aware of sex from unwanted sources and this is what they expect when they go on a date.
I think one of the most important things we can teach our girls and our boys is CONSENT. Our children absolutely MUST be comfortable with saying NO to things that make them uncomfortable. Our boys especially must be taught that they have NO RIGHT to a woman’s body in any way, unless that woman gives her express verbal consent.

seven201 · 27/08/2017 22:50

How scary and horrid. I Hope he texts back a sincere apology and makes no further contact.

Booboobooboo84 · 27/08/2017 22:51

If anything you are underreacting not overreacting.

I know you don't want to make a fuss but take two minutes to think about the next woman he might date. He needs a clear sign that what he did was not ok. You do need to tell him straight.

His seduction method was forceful,unattractive, to many could be perceived as sexual assault and more importantly was clearly unwelcome. He is in control of his horniness not the other way round. And that you are now so repulsed by his behaviour you never want to see him again.

It's brutal but if it possibly makes him rethink for the next woman it's worth it

ShoesHaveSouls · 27/08/2017 22:52

Stupid man. You fancied him at the start - but he completely put you off by pushing on with his sexual advances like that. Who does that? Well - a man who has no real clue about respecting a woman's boundaries, or consent. And you do not want to date a man like that.

That was a good text you sent.

Booboobooboo84 · 27/08/2017 22:53

@fortunacookie I'll invite anyone I damn well please into my home in any state of undress and any state of drunkenness and I expect everyone I do so to hear the word no when I say it.

The moral of my story is no means no.