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Original poster

Is he cheating?

101 replies

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 14:32

I found a receipt for dinner for 2 paid for by my boyfriends credit card at a local gastro pub very near to his place (it was scrunched up and thrown in his sock drawer). I was out that evening which the receipt was dated (we don't live together) at a friends bbq. I didn't hear from him that night but I was out with friends so didn't find this unusual. He told me (before I found the receipt) that he stayed in that night. Once I found the receipt I casually referred back to the same night. I said to him 'was it last Friday or this Friday that you were going out with your mates? He said it was this Friday and I was like oh I could have sworn it was last week but I didn't remember you telling me how it went' and he said 'no i didn't go out in the end, stayed in it was really boring'
I've never been in this situation before so I was wondering what the best way is to tackle it? I'm worried if something is going on he will just deny it and be more secretive.... Do you think this could just be innocent and hes just forgotten that he went out with a friend and paid for their dinner?? It just seems odd that he would remember everything else he did that weekend but not that....

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 24/08/2017 14:34

It does sound suspicious. I'd watch and wait.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/08/2017 14:53

VIX,

re your comment:-
"Do you think this could just be innocent and hes just forgotten that he went out with a friend and paid for their dinner??"

No and that seems like you are clutching at straws. You would not have forgotten such a detail. This receipt was also in his sock drawer; he never expected you to look in there. It was scrunched up and placed in there deliberately.

How long have you been together and how is your relationship generally?. Has he developed mentionitis when it comes to a female work colleague (i.e. did he talk about her a lot previously and now does not?). Have you noticed any other behaviour changes like being more guarded when it comes to his phone?.

If he can lie to you openly about this then what else has he lied about?.

lookatyourwatchnow · 24/08/2017 15:04

Sorry, OP. It seems highly, highly likely that he is cheating on you. Just tell him he's dumped, and why. There's no valid explanation after him having said he stayed in.

Putyourhandsintheair · 24/08/2017 15:08

Oh dear. Well you have some evidence, perhaps the best thing to do is tell him you know and see what he says.

I don't want to condemn him but it certainly seems suspicious.
Are there other indicators?

TheNaze73 · 24/08/2017 15:13

It doesn't look good.

fannycraddock72 · 24/08/2017 15:14

Do you think this could just be innocent and he's just forgotten that he went out with a friend

So the meal was a week ago, or at least a week after you asked him about it?

  • Is he usually forgetful?
  • If he isn't forgetful does he go out often that he could be genuinely confused whether he was in or out that night?
  • Is it a pub you got to together?
  • Maybe mention the pub in general conversation, eg..maybe we should try that Gastro pub one night? Or Have you tried that new gastro pub, my friend went there last week (friday)and said it was nice..see what his face tells you.

Be careful with that last one though, you don't want him to suspect you are onto him if he's cheating, he'll just go further underground.

Above all..follow your gut, it's a cliche but it's often right.

Original poster
VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 15:25

Ok so I couldn't hold it in and text him saying I found the receipt.

He claimed he forgot that he went out that night. When I said 'ok so you forgot. Who did you go out with?' His response was 'see this is the thing, i didnt realise i had to tell you my every movement'

I replied saying 'no you don't have to tell me your every movement, but when you lie about your wherebouts obviously this is going to raise suspicion which is why I'm asking you.'

His response was 'i will speak to you about this later after work, as i'm about to go into a meeting'....

So now I'm sitting here at work panicking my arse off while he's probably biding his time to think of an excuse.

OP posts:
Original poster
VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 15:29

It's a pub we've been to loads of times together. He's clearly lying, I've asked him twice and gave me details about his 'night in'. He said it was boring, and his flatmate was out so had the place to himself. I spoke to him about it on Sunday which was only two days after and he had perfect recollection of his Saturday and Sunday night and who he was with. I think his reaction also says a lot. If he was out with a friend and it was innocent wouldn't you just say that?

OP posts:
JK1773 · 24/08/2017 15:34

He's lying OP. Sorry, he's panicking and thinking of excuses before he gets home. He has very classically already shifted blame on to you. If you'd been out for a meal less than 2 weeks ago you wouldn't forget about it, you'd tell your OP about your night in ordinary conversation. It's not about wanting to know his every movement. It's normal chit chat. On top of that he's basically embellished a lie about staying in. He wouldn't do this if there was nothing he was trying to cover up. This is bad news I'm afraid Flowers

LoyaltyAndLobster · 24/08/2017 15:36

OP a dinner for two does not indicate that someone is cheating, you actually sound very annoying I agree with what he has said about telling you his every movement.

fannycraddock72 · 24/08/2017 15:38

Classic blame shifting - It's your fault for keeping tabs on him (In his mind), you worded it perfectly...

no you don't have to tell me your every movement, but when you lie about your wherebouts obviously this is going to raise suspicion which is why I'm asking you

Will be interesting to hear his side of events, like you say he has time to think up a story...don't be surprised if you get told he was out with (inset name here), here ring him (or even her) if you don't believe me.

fannycraddock72 · 24/08/2017 15:41

*loyaltyAndLobster it does make him a liar though, cheating or not.

DianaT1969 · 24/08/2017 15:42

How long have you been together?

Original poster
VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 15:42

That's what I'm worried about. I just think if the shoe was on the other foot I would straight away be like 'oh my gosh, i'm an idiot I completely forgot I was out xyz' Not get defensive about him asking and then ask to speak later. I just find that odd that if it's innocent you wouldn't just explain what happened straight away.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 24/08/2017 15:45

So he's gone off to get his story sorted to something that you will believe.
He's a boyfriend only.
You don't live together.
He's a liar.
You know what to do!
Raise your relationship bar and get rid.
You will be forever checking up on him from now on.
Not a great life and it turns you into someone you are not. - take it from someone who knows!!!!!

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 24/08/2017 15:53

Liars do not make good partners in the long term.

ImperialBlether · 24/08/2017 16:01

He's lying. He's taking some time now to get his story straight.

HipsterAssassin · 24/08/2017 16:14

Oh dear. He now has hours to come up with a new story.

You're not going to be able to get to the bottom of this. And will now presumably never be able to trust him.

Given that you don't share a property or dc (I assume) I would be seriously considering now whether this was a relationship worth pursuing.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 24/08/2017 16:29

Okay, I bet I know what he will say. He was with a woman, she is an old friend, ex etc.

However, he didn't tell you because he knew you would be jealous. Thus casting blame on you so that you end up apologising to him for his lies.

ohfourfoxache · 24/08/2017 16:36

You know what is going on.

Now you just need to bundle your courage and do what you have to do. I'm sorry Thanks

TokenGinger · 24/08/2017 16:40

It doesn't look good, OP.

You have not done anything wrong here so don't let him shift blame. I agree that you shouldn't have to tell somebody your every move for them to keep tabs on you, but actually hiding your movements and concealing them in a sock drawer is shady.

You need to explain to him that the fact he didn't remember he went, the fact he didn't immediately respond with who it was rather than saying we'll talk later to put your mind at ease and the fact he felt it necessary to hide a receipt in an obscure place created suspcision and is not the actions of an innocent man.

ferntwist · 24/08/2017 16:48

Please run for the hills - he's a liar and you can never build a relationship with this man. You're worth much more.

Huffletuff · 24/08/2017 16:49

He's lying and now he's coming up with an excuse and possible alibi.

Later he'll say "Ask insert friends name here. He'll tell you I was with him."

mumof06darlings · 24/08/2017 17:14

If it's a regular place ye go to, would you have known the server well enough to ask who he was with that night.

I agree with you. It's not a small thing to forget especially as ye had discussed what he had done that night already.

pigletpie29 · 24/08/2017 17:22

Why would he keep the receipt though? And in his sock drawer! Unless he was planning to make an expenses claim 😳you'd chuck it surely rather than keep it just in case you ended up finding it. He must have put it there deliberately as I'm sure he wouldn't normally keep receipts in his sock drawer. Very strange!

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