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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he cheating?

101 replies

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 14:32

I found a receipt for dinner for 2 paid for by my boyfriends credit card at a local gastro pub very near to his place (it was scrunched up and thrown in his sock drawer). I was out that evening which the receipt was dated (we don't live together) at a friends bbq. I didn't hear from him that night but I was out with friends so didn't find this unusual. He told me (before I found the receipt) that he stayed in that night. Once I found the receipt I casually referred back to the same night. I said to him 'was it last Friday or this Friday that you were going out with your mates? He said it was this Friday and I was like oh I could have sworn it was last week but I didn't remember you telling me how it went' and he said 'no i didn't go out in the end, stayed in it was really boring'
I've never been in this situation before so I was wondering what the best way is to tackle it? I'm worried if something is going on he will just deny it and be more secretive.... Do you think this could just be innocent and hes just forgotten that he went out with a friend and paid for their dinner?? It just seems odd that he would remember everything else he did that weekend but not that....

OP posts:
Chloe421 · 24/08/2017 17:23

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Agree with pp unfortunately. Personally I wouldn't wait for his storyline, you deserve better.

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 18:38

Well he text me 2 hours ago saying "almost home, in cab" That was it?? Very ignorant message knowing full well i will be waiting to hear back from him. I replied saying "ok" and nothing since?? I don't feel like I should be chasing him for an explanation. Incredulous to think I'm going to have to message again asking. Do I??

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 24/08/2017 18:42

Ffs. Obviously he is up to no good. Then he fucks you about with this texting expecting you to be waiting and on tenterhooks for him to Swan in the door and give you a shit excuse and for you to accept it.
Go out with a mate and forget about this shit.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2017 18:44

He's cheating, he's lying his ass off, he's avoiding you, and you know it. Dump him and move on. He's not worth it.

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 18:44

Well we don't even live together so him being nearly home has no relevance to anything whatsoever anyway!

OP posts:
Peaches77 · 24/08/2017 18:46

How long have you been together

Whisky2014 · 24/08/2017 18:46

Sounded like he meant nearly home so come meet me or nearly home so I'll be round shortly.
Either way, he's a lying bastard and he hasn't been in touch. He really cares about you obviously

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 18:49

2 years together

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 24/08/2017 18:50

Don't message him again. Would you stay if he's cheated? If so, then give him a chance to own up and clean slate. If not, is he so amazing that it would ruin your life to leave him if you later found he was innocent? He's not the only man in the world and he doesn't sound very kind to you so I'd say leave him.

VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 18:51

He's at the gym!

OP posts:
VIX1820 · 24/08/2017 18:54

I'm not going to message again. I have plans with a friend tonight anyway and I'm not going to cancel on assumption that he will bother to respond or wants me to come over ughhh

OP posts:
IdentifiesAsASloth · 24/08/2017 18:59

Very odd. If it was innocent you'd think he'd just say "oh yeah I went out for food with soandso", rather than being so vague.

Are you fussed about staying with him?

slartibartfastsfjords · 24/08/2017 19:07

Sadly this is exactly how ex used to act - if the questions get hard 'I have to go, I'll talk to you later'. And 'It was completely innocent, but I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be like this' (when I was never funny about him openly spending time with anyone, the lying was the problem!).
He was cheating.

SandyY2K · 24/08/2017 19:11

Sounds like cheating, or he would have told you who he was with immediately. Personally, I'd be done. The trust is gone.

thatdearoctopus · 24/08/2017 19:23

Is he chuff at the gym.

2littlemoos · 24/08/2017 19:36

What an absolute tool he is OP.

Even if it was nothing and he thought you were being demanding to know all his whereabouts, what's the harm in a little reassurance?!

Ttbb · 24/08/2017 19:39

It would be unusual for someone to forget but not impossible.

WhoreOfBabyliss · 24/08/2017 19:42

His treatment of you over this and the lie would have me dumping his arse without further conversation. I would block him now OP.

BR62Y · 24/08/2017 19:47

You showed your hand way to early unfortunately. He will tell you anything now and it's then up to you whether you believe him or not.

Scarftown · 24/08/2017 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatsoncats · 24/08/2017 19:54

He's giving himself plenty of time to get his story straight with his mate(s) with a side order of "it's your fault for snooping".
You won't see him until he's worked his speech out.

Get in first by texting him a simple "You lied. You're dumped".
And consider getting an STD test.

Forgettheworld · 24/08/2017 20:11

He won't be at the gym he'll still be trying to
persuade someone to lie for him. Please don't believe him

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2017 20:20

He won't be at the gym he'll still be trying to persuade someone to lie for him. Please don't believe him

This, exactly. I will bet my life he's asking a mate of his to cover him in this lie. If he gave one single fuck about you, and he were truly not cheating, he would be with you right now, desperate to set things right.

notapizzaeater · 24/08/2017 20:23

He's obviously not that bothered or he'd be talking yo you now, not getting his ducks in order.

kittybiscuits · 24/08/2017 20:33

He's not worthy.