Ok but why...Ow

[Sholiz74]

Just a quick question. I find it odd that the OW is so protected. Mine messaged me and called me to make sure I knew all the details...why are they untouchables MN?

Wasn't it reclaimed?!

Why is cunt misogynist? I've never thought of calling someone a dick, cock, prick etc as being 'misandrist'. Also the only person I've ever called a cunt in real life was a man!

Just seems to be over use of the word lately!

Don't forget now that they are openly the gf a vacancy for ow has been created

This is largely, utter crap.

I agree that when the OW posts the gloves are definitely off. Sometimes though I wince when an OP posts in pain and gets what could be perceived as a little mini lecture about how the OW wasn't the one in the relationship etc. Sometimes it's hard to read when you're hurting so much.

She hasn't broken a vow. She wasn't lying to her wife every time she snuck off. She was t fucking over her own children to be with someone else.

The only reason the man is grovelling is he got caught and has something to lose. That's not remorse!

Maybe not, but she was being a bitch if she pursued a married man /knowingly continued a relationship with one, etc. She didn't fuck her own children over, but she did fuck someone else's over for her own sexual pleasure. How is this ok? Is it one set of behaviour for direct family and fuck everyone else?
I don't excuse him either. They're both equally to blame, just in different ways.

I wasn't being casual when I said it.

I have read some horrendous comments on here, coming from a place of pain but still. eg, OW are evil scum, the lowest of the low etc etc....... which I find ludicrous. They had sex with somebody they weren't married to. Meanwhile there are paedophiles, rapists, murderers who can only be ranked on a par with OW who are already the ''lowest of the low'' according to many on Mumsnet.
Never been an OW but calling an OW ''evil scum, lowest of the low'' while going to counselling with the 'D'H makes me roll my eyes.

Ow are the lowest of the low.
.What kind of low life is happy shagging a man who should be spending time with his children?
Any woman who is complicit in this (and enabling of the man behaving like that) is, In my opinion, scrum in my eyes.

People can can try and make excuses for OW but it won't wash.
I have read horrendous stories, where Ow have had thousands spent on them ( dinners, jewellery, weekends away, you name it) whilst the children of the cheating spouses and his wife are living on next to nothing.

Very often, OW know what the score is, regarding the wife and the children being sidelined,
but they carry on with the affair regardless.

yep. a lot of ow are scrum.

Very often, OW know what the score is, regarding the wife and the children being sidelined, but they carry on with the affair regardless. hmm

How do you know that's the case very often?

My guess is they're all being strung the same story that actually the poor man is only still with his wife for the children's happiness and he's obviously not having sex with her anymore so the ow is practically doing a community service helping him to keep his marriage going.

And no, I was never the ow!

When I was an ow I didn't know. He told me he was single and I had no reason in the beginning to suspect he wasn't.

The minute I began to suspect I asked him straight out.

I finished with him because his answers were evasive.

I still don't know 100% if he was or wasn't married but I wasn't for sticking around to get hurt.

I still struggle with "should I have told his wife".

I've seen it said on here that you should so I don't know whether I should have or not.

But I am most definitely not scum or a cunt or a whore thanks.

Was or wasn't married as in being separated or still attached to his wife.

I have found her Facebook and it's not clear if they are or not from what she has there.

I blocked him on everything and blocked her and blocked their (adult) children on Facebook.

The op says that "mine called me"

The ow isn't hers. The ow is her husbands.

I'm also interested to know if an ow phoning a wife to tell them or messaging them to tell them is the wrong thing to do?

I wanted to tell the wife, in my case, because I genuinely didn't know and I wanted to know if he was really as separated as he had claimed or if he was still married.

Two reasons. One if he was separated then I could possibly have dated him. If he was still married then his wife deserved to know he was on dating sites.

Is that wrong of me? I'm confused because it seems I couldn't do anything right in my situation ?

was tat wrong of me? I'm confused because it seems I couldn't do anything right in my situation ?

I think that's probably the case. Whatever you did would have been seen as you being a horrible cunt/whore/etc

Personally I'd want to know whatever the ow's motivations.

I wasn't clear. I didn't tell his wife. I just blocked them both and their kids.

I'm not sure that was the right thing to have done.

Slow you were deceived like many OW and wives are.

I've been cheated on by the ex and I have always reserved my anger for him because he was the asshole not the OW (there was more than one)

These things are never ever black and white.

I think the anger is misdirected at the wrong person sometimes.

Between 30-70% of married people cheat during a marriage, depending on what stats you care to believe and they are the ones that have made the vows to the guilty party, not the OW/OM. I think you can question the self worth of OM/OW that they feel the need, to pick up scraps, when there are 7 Billion people on the planet but, that's there look out. I do think if they are single however, whilst not covering themselves in glory, they aren't doing technically anything wrong.
People that are 100% happy don't cheat & it's these people who are not happy and cheat that are totally to blame. Sort your relationship/Marriage out & if it's still not working, move on. They normally choose the easy option of sex & excitement with a 3rd party. Whether the 3rd party is aware of the full facts or not, they haven't made a vow to the chested party.

I can't remember seeing threads which are supportive of OW. They can be neutral (because the cheating spouse is more to blame) but generally TAATs about MH threads on adultery state we're all bitches for being so nasty about them (as co-conspirator, or active provoked)

Either way, the answer, OP, is at your fingertips. Instead of starting TAATs, post the opinions you think are more relevant on the threads in question.

I don't think that it is at all confusing that there's a difference between these two situations:

a. Woman has no clue that she is OW. When she finds out, she is horrified and breaks up with him. Might phone wife to warn her and apologise.

b. Woman knows full well that she is OW and might phone wife for malicious reasons or to make sure the couple break up.

Obviously, we can't say "the OW should always / never phone the wife" as those two situations are so different. It's not that you can "never get it right". It's that those are two totally different things.

Of course, there are other situations, too.

c. Woman falls for web of lies man spins about how he and his wife still live together but it is all sham and the evil nasty wife actually even said that she would be OK with him sleeping with other women. Plus he is really sad about nasty wife's treatment and needs a cuddle. Woman might phone wife to tell her off for being so nasty to lovely man.

Personally I can't get too overexcited about my ex's OW as I know he was out looking for OWs before he got together with her. Sure, she has no morals / is a bit stupid, but as I don't know her I am indeed a lot more angry with my ex, who treated me badly in person on a daily basis for months. Kind of drowns out any interest in her morals.

I dont think this is a TAAT as such. Op asks why the ow isnt accountable for her behaviour. It is the responses have about past reponses on past threads.

Fwiw op the ow phoned you with the details of your husbands affair. so you werent left wondering or suspicious and he couldn't lie his way out of it. Did she say what prompted her to tell you at that point? Have you had counselling to think about why you have remained married or to move past it?

If someone assaulted me in the street they would receive a punishment under the law. If someone broke into my house and were caught they would get the same. If some woman got involved with my husband I would end up losing my DC 50% of the week, half my house and finances and my marriage. On top of that we would have scarring that would take years to heal for both myself and my DC. Yet, the repercussions for one half of the couple who did this to me and my DC are nothing.

I don't think I would be able to sit back and let the OW get away with destroying my life. I would take her down with me.

Sort your relationship/Marriage out & if it's still not working, move on. They normally choose the easy option of sex & excitement with a 3rd party. Whether the 3rd party is aware of the full facts or not, they haven't made a vow to the chested party.
Surely it's just the decent thing not to have sex/a relationship with someone who you know is married though. You know - treat others as you would like to be treated yourself? Bet the OWs of the world wouldn't be so happy to find their own dh cheating further down the line. They'd deserve it though.
Obv it's different if the ow had been deceived by the h.

What would you do, then, BattleoftheAxes? How would you take her down?

So fritz. I'd deserve it ?

No way.

And battle how exactly would you "take me down"

I am 99% certain I was an ow.

I did what I think was the right thing but it seems that I will be taken down and deserve to have a future partner cheat on me.