DH stayed in bed all day - sulking.

[brightnearly]

10 years if marriage, 2 DC primary school age.

Last night he accused me of not supporting him with regard to his career ambitions. He forcefully demanded that I let him study today (not a course, self study), said that was his need; if he cannot study, he will feel miserable.

I said yes.

He then accused me of not really supporting him, I say yes but it doesn't come "from the heart" and I'm not "getting it". And if he lost his job and could not support the family any longer, I'll see the result of my lack of support, and he "will not forget". And then he said he would not study. I was frozen, and said nothing.

Today he spent all day in bed, not interacting with anyone. The children have wondered what on earth was going on.

I think this is nightmarish behaviour - he cannot expect to control my feelings, surely - and hugely damaging. I'm feeling thoroughly ill tonight.

[DewDropsonKittens]

So he isn't actually 'studuing' he is adult drawing and colouring , which half the nation have been doing in the last year.

FFS, he is a massive TWAT.

Please, look into womens aid advice on leaving an abusive relationship.
Consider a refuge as if he 'will make your lives hell' you will need to be safe with the children

Get important documents together and put them somewhere safe.

Your children cannot grow up seeing this as acceptable to behave or treat people in this way.

[DewDropsonKittens]

'studying

[shortninbread]

So, he wants to move into computer animation. It sounds like he's expressed this. Putting aside the immediate difficulties of childcare and how to manage such a considerable career/income change. Do you like anything about his idea?

[brightnearly]

I don't like that i have to like it.

I feel very grateful for all your responses, because this situation can be crazy-making!

[AnyFucker]

Why do you do it ?

[GrockleBocs]

I was all set to say he was afraid of failing and by provoking a row he could shift the blame. Much like a newly given up smoker causing a row to blame the other person for 'making' them smoke.
But no.
Unless he deep down knows he's picked an unobtainable goal and needs you to make him fail. But more likely he's a fantatist who's facing reality. And blaming you for reality.

[Twillow]

Sounds narcissistic. And unfair on you and dc. Bed sulking creates a horrible atmosphere in the house.
Don't know anything about the chosen industry except that it's possibly one for younger people and a desperately popular ambition. Not to rain on anyone's ambition but there is realism to take into account.
If you can't discuss it reasonably though, is that typical of your relationship? That's the 'coffin nail'.

[StatelessPrincess]

I know a couple who work in this field, they are incredibly talented and highly qualified, it took them both years of real studying and building up their portfolios to get where they are now.
Your husband sounds like a delusional nightmare and as Twillow said, narcissistic. What a revolting example he's setting for your children, I don't know how or why you would put up with it, I would have stabbed him with a crayon long before now. I'm not suggesting you do that but please don't subject yourself or your children to this shite, you don't have to and life is way too short.

[brightnearly]

AnyFucker why do I do what?

[AnyFucker]

Accept being treated like this

[Loopytiles]

So he's abusive. There is advice and help available for women in abusive relationships, including on MN.

[ddrmum]

Sorry OP, you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling man. He wants everyone to dance to his tune and no concern for the needs if anyone else. It is extremely harmful for you & your children. Contact women's aid, I bet you'll be surprised & horrified at how much abuse you are currently taking as it's been a gradual process. for you.

[hellsbellsmelons]

You might not have family or friends to support you in this country but there are organisations and services that can help.

1st call is to Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
2nd is to CAB to set up an appointment to understand what you would be entitled to when you leave.

I use the word WHEN because you've taken the 1st huge step, which was posting on here.
Now take the next steps.
Don't live this awful half life.
You DC are witness to this and they will repeat relationships in adult life that they have learnt from you.
So teach them that women do not put up with this shite.
We make a stand and we leave.
It won't be easy but it is absolutely necessary.
Start making those phone calls.