DH stayed in bed all day - sulking.

[brightnearly]

10 years if marriage, 2 DC primary school age.

Last night he accused me of not supporting him with regard to his career ambitions. He forcefully demanded that I let him study today (not a course, self study), said that was his need; if he cannot study, he will feel miserable.

I said yes.

He then accused me of not really supporting him, I say yes but it doesn't come "from the heart" and I'm not "getting it". And if he lost his job and could not support the family any longer, I'll see the result of my lack of support, and he "will not forget". And then he said he would not study. I was frozen, and said nothing.

Today he spent all day in bed, not interacting with anyone. The children have wondered what on earth was going on.

I think this is nightmarish behaviour - he cannot expect to control my feelings, surely - and hugely damaging. I'm feeling thoroughly ill tonight.

[LonginesPrime]

Would painting and drawing not be an ideal activity to share with the DC?

My DF used to set up still life compositions in the middle of the dining table and we'd all sit round it and sketch/paint it from our own perspective sadly his skills didn't rub off on me, despite his efforts to teach me.

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Unwell? Yes he has " imaprickitis"

[explodingkittens]

He's not ill, or depressed.

He's a self-absorbed man-baby.

[brightnearly]

In terms of not taking it - if I go on a confrontation course, the children will be traumatised, because he will shout and verbally hurt me.

If I wait until we are alone before I confront, he will stonewall and simply walk away.

I don't have anywhere to go in the UK - and legally cannot take the children abroad without his consent (unless I could reasonably expect that he would give it).

He will not leave the house.

He will do anything to make things as bad as possible for the kids and me (as can be seen! ) if things don't go his way.

I'd love some good ideas on how 'not to take it'!!!

[HipsterAssassin]

Brightnearly he sounds like my ExH did the week before I finally left him.

He was unhappy and there was a backstory of a thousand tiny cuts being inflicted over the preceding 10 years. His 'thing' was buying shizzle off eBay. The end came about over some bizarre conversation about a having to buy bureau. Immediately. To hide my work stuff.

It was like I tolerated his miserable/entitled fuckwittery so long he disappeared up his own back side and actually stopped making sense.

This was after I had given him an ultimatum and he had had counselling/antidepressants.

At that point I called 'time' on things and have gone from strength to strength.

If I were you I would get a job, get my ducks in a row and see a solicitor about planning the rest of my life without this milk stone around my neck.

[Lweji]

If I were you I would get a job, get my ducks in a row and see a solicitor about planning the rest of my life without this milk stone around my neck.

Yup.

[HipsterAssassin]

mill

[ssd]

you need certain posters on here then from the relationship boards, who have the experience you need to hear about

if I was you I'd start a new thread asking how to begin leaving an abusive relationship

[Lweji]

brightnearly

You should contact Women's Aid for more specific advice.

He knows you depend on him now, but you do have options. Talk to people in real life who can help. Even if from WA.

[Christinayangstwistedsista]

Follow ssd's advice

[Summerswallow]

If you have a job, you would get top up tax credits, why would you have 'nowhere to go' (where do single parents go?) I honestly would be thinking about the happier life you could have out of this situation.

[Lweji]

It will help if you keep a journal of all his abusive behaviour, so that you have dates and a recollection of it all.

Do you have access to family money?

[Lweji]

Also, it's possible to make him leave the house legally.

Please note that although funding has decreased, domestic violence victims can access legal aid. The definition of domestic violence is broader than physical violence.

[Cary2012]

What a twunt. How old is he? Five?

[PaganGoddessBrigid]

You see things very clearly OP.

You see the irony that he is not responsible for your happiness but that he is getting cross with you for what he suspects you are thinking.

I think that's a low self-esteem thing. I had an x who started off lovely and yet the closer we got the more he would blame me, for just........ knowing him really. He did that infuriating thing of getting cross with me for what he believed I was thinking. And sometimes yes that was what I was thinking but like you say, a person is entitled to their own thoughts.

[MaybeDoctor]

Oh dear god.

This comes up every so often on here - the husband and father who wants to be An Artist. My 'favourite' was the one where the husband (a musician) wanted to leave his family and just 'go to Nashville'. But he not only wants to be An Artist, he wants you to be An Artist's Wife.

Move over Picasso, Mr BrightNearly is in town.

Not sure what to suggest, apart from offer you .

[d270r0]

Honestly he sounds completely weird and attention seeking. But also sometimes people act very oddly when they are stressed and have high blood pressure. A similar thing happened to both a relative of mine and a relative of a friends, both male, both about 50 years old. They started acting very weirdly, upset about little things, very cross, finding problems where there weren't any. In both cases they had very high blood pressure and then had a stroke. I don't want to unneccessarily worry you but it is worth checking blood pressure if he hasn't had it checked recently, just in case.

[GissASquizz]

He's deluded. DH works in this field and the talent he hires have degrees. They are also insanely talented and on contract work. No sick pay, pension, health care or notice period. If he was going to be an animator it would already have happened. It's like saying he wants to become a rock star or a professional footballer. The competition is huge. The good ones do earn big money, but they are few and far between. Tell him to stop blaming you for his mid life crisis and accept that his animation is a hobby. A perfectly reasonable one to Have, but if he was serious he'd be at university. And what is he studying? The software used costs thousands of pounds in licencing. You need a very good computer etc. Set up costs are considerable.

[SnowiestMountain]

AnyFucker you are always exactly right!

OP he sounds unwell, this is indeed very odd behaviour, I'm assuming he'd have none of going to a GP or similar?

Would it be possible in theory for you to get a job? I'd be starting to plan my departure if I were you

[AnyFucker]

You are in an abusive relationship, op

If you do not do as he demands, he will make yours and your dc's lives hell

He is a terrible husband and father

Almost always an op posts about a relatively small detail then opens up about a really fucked up dynamic. Time and time again

Op...get help in RL. Your marriage is a sham and your children are being damaged by what they are witnessing

[kittybiscuits]

He's not ill either...

[AnyFucker]

Nope

[SnowiestMountain]

Just a twat you think?

[ssd]

agree with AF, its like the nail in the coffin is something trivial but the whole picture is horrendous

[MissBabbs]

Is he frightened that he wont' make it in his new career choice and the fear of appearing a failure and having to admit he cannot do this is making him stroppy and because he can't face being responsible for his failure (and letting all of you down too) he is switching it onto blaming you. Then when it goes tits up he can say it's due to you.

What to do about it I don't know except perhaps bring this up in conversation when he is in a good mood, if that ever happens and agree that we can't predict how things like a career change will pan out blahblah, without appropriating blame.