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Original poster

DH stayed in bed all day - sulking.

114 replies

brightnearly · 20/08/2017 19:16

10 years if marriage, 2 DC primary school age.

Last night he accused me of not supporting him with regard to his career ambitions. He forcefully demanded that I let him study today (not a course, self study), said that was his need; if he cannot study, he will feel miserable.

I said yes.

He then accused me of not really supporting him, I say yes but it doesn't come "from the heart" and I'm not "getting it". And if he lost his job and could not support the family any longer, I'll see the result of my lack of support, and he "will not forget". And then he said he would not study. I was frozen, and said nothing.

Today he spent all day in bed, not interacting with anyone. The children have wondered what on earth was going on.

I think this is nightmarish behaviour - he cannot expect to control my feelings, surely - and hugely damaging. I'm feeling thoroughly ill tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 19:59

He's painting and drawing.

OP posts:
Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 20:00

He's definitely middle-aged.

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 20/08/2017 20:00

He sounds like a tremendous dickhead. What are his good points?

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 20/08/2017 20:01

Good Wink
Now you can take the next day off to lay in bed all day. As soon as he has a day off its your turn- obviously with the tea being brought to you.

Loopytiles · 20/08/2017 20:01

So he wishes to change career and you to facilitate his "study" for this smilingly AND cheerlead for him? Is it a realistic prospect for him?

Do you WoH? If not, suggest doing so: he sounds inconsiderate and it would be better to be earning should you split up.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 20/08/2017 20:02

He is in a huff and ignored you and your DC because he wanted to paint and draw???

Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 20:02

Whatever that is so sweet of you - but I don't like staying in bed all day unless ill, and I would loathe to use the children as pawns....

OP posts:
Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 20:03

Christina yes.

OP posts:
Christinayangstwistedsista · 20/08/2017 20:04

Oh jeez, does he behave like this a lot?

PaganGoddessBrigid · 20/08/2017 20:04

Wow.

Even if he wants to study, he needs to approach that conversation with a lot more maturity. He is instead manipulating you in a position where you can't object to his checking out of the family for a whole day. And you allow it. And yet you still feel guilty! And he believes (or does he) that you're unsupportive.

I would ignore his sulking bullshit and say to him ''we'll talk about what we both want to change when you're feeling better in yourself'' and stare at the messy bed around him. You might not be getting everything you want out of the marriage either. Offer to listen to him if he can articulate without manipulation and sulking what his concerns are. And then tell him that you have your own concerns.

Don't let him cast you in the role of unsupportive spouse when he is demanding all of this support at your expense!

gamerchick · 20/08/2017 20:06

Sounds like he wanted you to get loud and clear that he wanted the house I himself today and you and the kids were to take yourself off somewhere so he could 'study' in peace.

This shit is really damaging to your kids Confused is he having some sort of breakdown?

Joysmum · 20/08/2017 20:08

In which case that puts a different spin on things. No way I'd be as generous in my thinking towards him. He needs to pull his weight, get his head out of his arse and treat you with respect or be told to fuck off.

Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 20:09

Yes.

I don't mind that he wants to paint as such - I really, really mind that he demands my support "from the heart", thus attempting to control my feelings. I can bloody feel about his endeavours as I please!!

He took us out yesterday for a meal. Upon the request of the DC. Afterwards he had a long nap. When he woke up, he was in a funk, and the above happened.
He also said that I shoukd have intervened, telling the DC that their dad would rather (well, needs) to study and cannot take them out.

I actually thought he can do that himself?!?

This is mental.

OP posts:
Siwdmae · 20/08/2017 20:11

So will him acquiring these skills ensure that he gets a better job ultimately? I'm assuming it's creative art as opposed to painting and decorating!

I just believe a grown up could act in this way, it's bonkers. I echo the for the kids' sake, I'd be gone. He's demonstrating the most appalling behaviour to them.

happypoobum · 20/08/2017 20:11

So when you say "study" he is actually painting and drawing, or reading about painting and drawing.

That's a hobby in my book unless his career path is already aligned to art.

He sounds like a childish wanker to me.What do you get out of the relationship?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 20/08/2017 20:12

Painting and drawing.

That's his new career?

One of the hardest things in existence to get into?

And you are letting him have a day doing that. But weren't enthusiastic enough? And he spent all day in bed? And will not forget your lack of support?

And this is normal behaviour?

Do you have boys or girls Op? (Decent odds that boys will end up like him and girls will end up like you.)

AnyFucker · 20/08/2017 20:13

Get him some colouring books and tell him to fuck off back to mummy

FrogFairy · 20/08/2017 20:18

Are you married to Johnny Nice Painter from The Fast Show?

This studying sounds like a very good excuse to swerve family
life.

DH stayed in bed all day - sulking.
JaneEyre70 · 20/08/2017 20:18

Do you think he's deliberately trying to argue? It's puerile behaviour at best, and not one I would react to. Next weekend, plan days out for you and the DC and let him get on with his colouring in.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/08/2017 20:18

He sounds not only selfish but self absorbed. What about the wants and needs of you and the children? Why do his "needs" come first?

The sulking is just childish. What a horrible atmosphere for you all.Sad

Original poster
brightnearly · 20/08/2017 20:18

Ultimately, he says he wants get into computer animation.

But he does not want to embark in a degree, it's not needed (apparently).

He says he doesn't want us gone, but all he does points towards the opposite.

2017 is turning out to be somewhat of an annus horribilis.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/08/2017 20:19

Have you posted about him recently?

He sounds like far too much work, I'd tell him to bugger off to a flat on his own where he can piss about like a unistudent 'finding himself'. He has a family, there's not always a lot of time for naval gazing, let alone demanding 'support from the heart' FFS.

Viviennemary · 20/08/2017 20:19

Sounds like he is totally stressed out and has too much on his plate. Is he totally responsible financially for the household. That can be quite a stress in itself.

Shoxfordian · 20/08/2017 20:21

Wow. I thought at first you meant he was doing an open uni course or something where he could gain a qualification. Not that this would excuse his behaviour but it could have been a deadline for an essay or coursework.

He sounds like a child. I hate sulking anyway; it's so passive aggressive. I would think about whether this is the sort of relationship you want.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/08/2017 20:24

ultimately he says he wants to get into computer animation

He really does need to grow the fuck up.

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