#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

You are bound to feel angry world, at both of them.
I second going for a walk. One for in. Front of the other, but if fresh air. It's all the kept me going at times.

My H lady me and our children for OW after 20 really happy years together all fell apart very quickly. I divorced him on our 20th wedding anniversary ( I'm still proud of that) all these years later and I am happily married again I still have sadness that that marriage ended as it did. They married, she then had an affair and left him, that caused him to contact me to say how sorry he was for what he had done. You will be okay because you have to be. Sit back and wait the Mrs Karma to do her thing

Opps left me

That's completely understandable, her behaviour as well as his is reprehensible.
Try to channel your anger into positive actions for you and DD though. I know that can be easier said than done.

Try not to dwell on them and why they are doing. It will get you nowhere. My experience has been that it doesn't bring closure it just perpetuates the misery for you and doesn't affect them at all.
As a pp said, the best revenge is to have a successful life. Look at how far you've come already.

I understand your anger with the OW, the problem is you just don't know what lies he told her about your marriage.

He could have told her he's living in the Annexe and the marriage has been over for years. That there's no love or intimacy and he's only stayed for DD... that now DD is getting older her deserves some love.... Blah blah blah.

She may be unaware he told any lies to be with her.

That doesn't take away your pain, but if your STBXH is saying he's not been happy for a while (which is probably untrue), then it's on him.

Most respectable women wouldn't get involved with a MM. To her it may just be a bit of fun and but because your STBXH was busted, he got backed into a corner.

Most men would have begged and pleaded, but he was never off that mindset, which leads me to believe he'd already checked out of the marriage.

You've been very brave and your MIL is a good woman. Just shows that even when a child comes from a good home, they can still derail and loose the morals they were raised with.

Stay strong and know that you don't deserve this.

I think you have a husband who got a bit bored and instead of pursuing a hobby, he went down the route of pursuing an affair.

With regard to OW. You don't know the story, he may have lied to her -he is good at deception after all. What you do know for sure is when a married man does this, he will think nothing if cheating on her too.

I don't think you need to worry about him losing his job over this, people don't get fired for having an affair and walking out on their families. Also, you didn't tell anyone at work anyway in the end so how would they know?

You are doing well, you'll get through this. It takes time but you'll get there and when you're out the other side, you'll be happier with your new life than you could ever have been being tied to a lying, cheating, sack of shit.

I am still utterly perplexed by this whole holiday to Athens. I can't understand why he would go to meet her friends or family! Why on earth would anybody go abroad to meet their partner's family in such early days, particularly under such questionable (at best) circumstances??

Please correct me if I'm wrong here, or mixing up the details or missed something, but haven't Shirty and MYOW been conducting their little affair for only a few weeks now? They did something a little while ago which they recently discussed forgetting, and then some three weeks ago (or maybe four now, at the most?) they decided to go ahead with the infidelity, right? AND SV even said that he didn't (or didn't think) he loved MYOW, didn't he?

So WHY?! I just cannot wrap my mind around it and it's baffling me. Why would she want to introduce him to her family, and why would he want to meet them? There is little chance they will approve of her dating a flagrant cheater, this much older man who dresses like a clown with a teenage DD, who is still bloody married, and even currently living with his wife in the marital home. Though I'd love to be a fly on the wall at that dinner!

Could this have been going on for longer than we know? Or could they be meeting up with another couple or some friends of hers, and he is over-preparing for meeting them? Could they actually be holidaying within a few miles of her home without intending to see them, and he is just brushing up on the language? I just can't make any sense of it. Please somebody tell me I've missed some details or something!

he's just such a careless bastard. it's so typical of a man though, ime. they give you 100%, unconditionally, until something happens and they just switch it off and breeze away.

@JWrecks you have not, you summed that up to the letter pretty much. It is utterly baffling.

JWrecks

I agree, I'm baffled at this as well. They can't be meeting her parents, the just can't. Unless they are very unusual, I can't see it going down well at all. Their daughter turning up with a middle-aged married man.

I seriously doubt the OW would tell her parents that she's seeing a married man. Come on, who would admit to that?

As PP said wont go down well with Greek's who are family orientated.

I don't know so much about that
The Greek economy's in a right mess. No jobs and security any more.
Her family may see him as 'security' for their daughter. They will likely overlook the fact he's older.

Either way, he's definitely being taken for a ride

@Jwrecks,

I get your confusion. If he is going to meet the family, this has been going on for longer than he's letting on.

Another alternative is that she's out there on holiday and he's taking the opportunity for them to spend time in the sun relaxing as a 'couple'. He doesn't have to watch over his shoulder over there.

The scenario of leaving a marriage for a relationship of a few weeks doesn't make sense, unless this is an exit affair. He didn't really go out of his way to conceal this.
A lot of MM are conflict avoidant and often tell the OW that they want their wife to find out and kick them out, because they don't have the guts to do the right thing.

Considering the card World saw which wasn't from this OW, chances are he's been unfaithful in the past.

The mature way to have dealt with any unhappiness, would be talking to your spouse and raising your concerns. Not messing around with other women.

Would it be helpful to have a lock fitted to your bedroom door? You will then be able to keep your privacy and ensure he doesn't remove anything you don't want him to.

Good idea. You don't want him sneaking in and pilfering your stuff.

The time frame is looking rather odd. May be started off six months ago when her engagement was broken, an emotional affair then became physical only in the past 3-4 weeks. FDH is the only one who knows the answers and he is not going to be honest. Is it certain the original "oops......." note was not her?

I think he checked out of the marriage and took the cowards way out by enabling you to find out instead of doing the decent thing by talking to you.

Do something with DD today go out to a lovely lunch, more retail therapy

I wonder if the affair has been going on for much longer, and three or four weeks ago they decided it was really serious and not just a bit of fun? Meeting her family makes no sense otherwise.

Thinking of you, OP. You're very brave 💐

rizlet What do you mean, "if" this thread is real?!

I'm not convinced at all of timescale of this affair.if I was OP I wouldn't believe anything her H said regarding OW as it's most likely he will minimise.
H started playing guitar about 2 years ago ,I'd look at 2 year affair with decision to leave family 3 weeks ago being made. I agree with pps saying he didn't hide affair at all ,he wanted OP to find out.
If he's meeting her parents what's the rush while he's still married ? Seems like utterly indecent behaviour. Could she be pregnant?

It's sounds like MIL has been terrific which is great and really what you need right now.

The anger is good oddly enough. It can be a huge source of energy to galvanise you into doing things and sorting things out.

I found the emotional ups and downs and unpredictability of when they hit to be the hardest thing. I felt deep grief where a howling gale seemed to blow through my body. This was when I could do nothing but sob and I didn't try and fight these - I just allowed myself to feel until it passed.

When the anger appeared it very much included anger at OW. I could never not be angry with her. I used the anger to get a lot done. I was the one who moved out of the main home (my choice and the right thing to do for me as we had another home and I wanted to live in that one) so had a lot of packing and stuff to do over several weekends so the anger really got me through that.

Hatred - god I felt seething pure hatred for XH and OW. It was part of the anger but quite distinct. Boy did I dream up evil scenarios for the two of them.

The sadness that just hits you when something reminds you of him can be brief if you have good distraction techniques in place. Sometimes it's good to wallow though and you do have to cry.

All of this is normal and is the nature of the emotional rollercoaster you're on. What matters is that you recognise that it's all part of the process and ride the anger to get things done!

Those moments when you have a lovely time doing nice things with DD and feeling normal probably seem fleeting now but they do get longer. The hours of grief, anger and hatred become fewer and one day you will be able to look at STBXH and wonder why you ever wanted to see him naked.

For the waking hours you need to get those coping mechanisms at the ready. What was your passion before you put DD and STBXH ahead of yourself? Was it reading, sketching, painting? I don't know one single woman who hasn't dropped a hobby or passion because kids and H's take a lot of time. So get back in touch with the old you and dig out the stuff in the loft (although the loft will be hard in other ways).

Walking is a great suggestion for the 6am wake up. There are loads of free apps which show you how far you've walked, pace etc. I use runtastic so maybe look at these?

You do need to be a bit Girl Scout with getting through these emotions and have your coping mechanisms all lined up but if really does help.

I can't tell you how helpful I found my thread on here though. It really gave me huge strength and some good laughs in the darkest of times.

Just wanted to say.... A few pp have mentioned stopping and cancelling credit cards.... You do know that the the only person earning is the STBXH right? He's the one paying all the bills and doing that would only piss him off and cause more stress than is required all round.

These kind of things work when the financial power is in your hands. That's not the case here.

C o a e b could have been the code to get in to the apartment if it's an unmanned block.