#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

World - I hope you're ok honey xxxx

World been here since your first worried is he comments.
Hugs being sent. hope you have a good day.

I've been reading all threads since the beginning and didn't feel the need to post until yesterday, but some advice has definitely crossed into ruin him and kick him into squalor territory. The debate about op's sahm status has turned into a ridiculous bicker now. To be clear I think rebornslippy has provided perfectly sensible, kind guidance, only one part of that concerned working. More importantly she highlighted the need to keep the dd and mil out of the whole debacle.

For what it's worth I'm currently a sahm.

World, I've been following your story from the beginning and posted much earlier on.

I hope the recent turn of tone in the thread hasn't scared you off from taking note of the majority of well-wishers and supporters here?

I haven't seen that you have any support in RL apart from your MIL? Have you any family that you can turn to? Do you have parents/siblings/aunts that you can allow to baby you for a bit? You have been so strong for yourself and your daughter, you need to be allowed to wallow in your grief too.

This is a long haul situation, you need to be able to recharge, take stock and come back fighting. Hopefully, you'll feel able to come back soon.

For what it is worth- I'm not suggesting you go the full harpy and rock your revenge upon him. The best revenge is living well. Put yourself and your DD first. Be polite but cold. He obviously isn't interested in anyone else's feelings anymore. He feels that he's made the best decision for himself.

What I meant by saying that he won't get away with his poor decisions wasn't to do with dragging him through the courts- often not satisfactory for either party. But really that he is so loved up right now that he probably hasn't stopped to think about or value all he has lost. He's so busy moving forwards into the unknown (exciting in the short term) that he isn't looking back to what has gone forever: his good relationship with your DD, the home you shared, the life you had together and your network of connections.

However, you are dealing with the grief of all that right now. It is fucking hard but by the time he realises that his decision making was flawed and he's ballsed it up (not saying he'll change his mind, just have regrets) you'll be in a different and better place.

So he will have to suffer the consequences of his actions. He might not show it and it might take a while. Ultimately, he will end up a loser as well. He just doesn't know it yet.

So don't get mad or even. Get fabulous. Put yourself first, for you and DD.

Absolutely agree with Nanny. My ex tried to make my life as difficult as possible. Took me to court for residency (on full legal aid, I had to pay). Let the marital home go to rack and ruin so that it sold for much less than it was worth (I had moved out), and I had to go to court for that to happen. Refused to pay any CM by job hopping and eventually giving up work altogether (never actually paid a penny for 10 years!)

However, I created a new career for myself in a new location with my DC. I now have a lovely house, all children have left home with good careers and happy home lives, I have a new car every 3 years, at least 3 holidays a year and I am well respected in my job. He is a different matter. He blew through all the (little amount) of money left over from the house, hasn't been able to get a job for many years and is living in squalor in a one bed scruffy flat. His car is worth maybe £100 on the days that it works (and his car was always VERY important to him). He has no money, no life, no holidays or treats. He fell out with his DC over who knows what (they dont!) and hasn't spoken to them for 3 years. They don't miss him they tell me.

Karma is a lady who will always be on your side!

OP clearly isn't a SAHM, she runs a holiday let business from home and has project managed significant work on the family home which will have benefitted the family by increasing the value of the property.
This is not a woman who has sat back waiting for someone else to take care of everything. She has also been planning on taking a course to enable her to earn in the future, doing something which she enjoys. Why should she alter those plans now?
Her ex has treated her very badly on an emotional level but appears to be playing fair financially and hopefully that continues.
I would think from what's been written that the equity in property and savings along with pension is significant and if split 50/50 would enable both parties to have a very good standard from which to start again. He will also have to pay maintenance for dd.
Given time op you will build a new life, stay strong and level headed as you have been so far, hope that stbxh carries on being 'reasonable' and take one day at a time.

Good luck op xx

Oh look! A thread about a lazy stay at home ex wife has appeared in Trending.
What a coincidence

OP, I hope you come back!
Possibly give it some time and start a new thread?
(a fresh start)
We are all waiting, if you need us

Thinking of you hope you are feeling better today world .

Thinking of you World, take care of yourself and your DD.

The one in trending is a totally different situation if you read it.
World has been managing a small business (holiday lets) whilst raising the family - and intends to retrain.

I hope things go well for you world

I think that something described as a 'holiday let business' would normally have more than two properties on its books. But running two could develop transferable skills for running a larger such business.

True colours come out for some people
Case of the green eyed monster!
Some people are so jealous of other people

No green eyed monster here. As previously noted, have been happy combining full time work in a good job with children. Though that isn't relevant to OP's life now.

Like others have said, there is no point combing over past choices. However, the OP would, undoubtedly, be in a better position now had she been more financially independent and worked outside the home, which is the point some posters may be trying to make. But this has to be about their DD having the least disruption to her life possible, and her Father is legally and morally obligated to provide financial support. If other women can learn a lesson from this, maybe it's to always make sure that you would be OK if he walked away. Hope you are OK, OP, and can move forward into a new chapter.

True colours come out for some people
Case of the green eyed monster!
Some people are so jealous of other people

Nope try again....

We should teach our daughters to be financially independent. But we should more so teach our sons to remain faithful and stick to their family commitments.

Please don't do this.
This thread is too be there should World need an ear to pour her thoughts out on, not for a tit for tat.

What does it matter about whether the OP is a SAHM. It's no ones business! She made that choice for what was right for her and her family.

The poor woman needs support!!

Stay strong world, you have handled this whole mess a lot more dignified than I ever could. Hate how this thread has turned.

Hope you're OK, World. We're here supporting you, so please come back when you feel ready. Sending you virtual hugs and flowers.

Yes the judgy lectures and 'look what you've got coming' posts are quite horrible.

Hope u are ok been there probably numb now he has gone I could hardly function hope u have someone with you.Ignore posts which put u down he is the person who gas betrayed you both without any concuense thinking of you hope u sleep

Hope you're okay World. You sound like a lovely person and a great mum. As well as a small businesswoman.

Word is it next week your RL friend is back from holiday?

You know there are some people here who are very supportive and have your back when you are ready.

KeziaOAP,
you are correct 99% of the people on here are supportive of OP. World, please don't let the other 1% screw up your support links. The majority of us have your back.