#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

FFS nobody has slated OP at all. Or her choices. Read back, it's quite the opposite in fact.

Op I hope you know we are ALL on your side and trying to help. Hope you've managed some sleep to face the day with

No one is criticising OP for her SAHM status, there are no 'doubters, or bastards trying to grind her down

Do you really not see, that these comments as constructive advice comments coming from people who have experienced this very situation, and know the reality? I really really hope OP sees it for what it is

WhatBOOP and Painful said. Whether our past choices and experiences have been the same as hers or not, all posters have wished OP well at this very painful time.

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Oh stop being ridiculous.

So don't listen to the doubters and those with their own axe to grind.

Nope no axe to grind.

HTH.

Unfortunately though he does get to swan off and start a new life which will be so painful to OP. She has been caught behind the loop and will now need to start to forge her own life. It will all come out in the wash OP your solicitor will get you a fair share then you can make choices as to what you need to do to bridge the gap. Whilst it's tempting to bury your head in the sand re finances (and I'm not saying this is what you are doing) it would be useful to list out all your outgoing sap that you know where you are.

Nobody has criticised the op for her decision not to WOTH. NOBODY. Why would we? It's her decision and a perfectly valid one regardless of the reasons. What we have been trying to say is that the circumstances under which that decision was made have now changed thanks to the wanker husband and she may need to consider different options now. Which, incidentally she already has.

Is that really do hard to grasp? I've said it now about 15 different ways. And all this "don't let the bastards grind you down" shit is really pathetic. Especially when accompanied by the "you've all got an anti-SAHM agenda". In fact I think the opposite is true

Eh? Some posters certainly are criticising op's SAHM status.

It seems an old-fashioned set up to me (I am same age as op and don't have a single SAHM friend) but it was her and her husband's choice and I am sure they have their reasons for it.

Tbh, is she really going to be any worse off than if she had worked all her life? Probably not financially although I agree that there are many other benefits to working.

Several posters have questioned why she is SAHM to a 15 year old daughter.

I'd like to point out that, to the casual reader (or indeed even the OP based on how down she says she feels reading them) that these comments do not come off as supportive.

As ever, the OP's lifestyle shouldn't be up for debate. What she needs in these initial days is support. Endless debating about her SAHM status or why she should have gone back to work or how lucky she is to have had that lifestyle and some of the quite frankly gleeful comments on her falling from 'having a few bob' are at best unhelpful and at worst totally crass and hurtful.

You seem to have manage to drive the OP from her own thread where she was looking for support. Well done. Did you achieve what you'd hoped for? There is a real person here in pain.

But OP works from home - she runs their lets? She's not really a SAHM

Morning World!

And to those posters, who I notice have only joined the conversation recently, (on a thread that's run for nearly 4000 posts [hmm) You say you're being 'helpful' and 'realistic' with OP?
Really?
You've been so helpful that OP hasn't been back.
So that's clearly worked hasn't it?

World, sorry to hear you're on a downer.
One step at a time.

Everyone has been empathetic and come from a place of good faith IMO.

Yes, 98%.
That's what World needs from us at the moment. Just to be there for her (and maybe cheer her up a bit and try and see humor in what is a terrible time)

World, did Shirty Valentine take his shitty shirts in the end?
You never told us.

and what NannyOggs said.

I wouldn't really class you as the typical stay at home mum World, you are running holiday let's.

Stay strong. X

Ok, I see what's going on here.

For my part, I'd like to apologise to the OP if she felt any of my comments were "unkind/unhelpful". I know that everything I posted was in good faith and meant to be both kind and helpful. I stand by my comments. If it is a case that the OP wasn't ready to hear them, well, what can I say? I can take them back, but they're out there now. I still feel they should be heard, but maybe not today or tomorrow. When you're ready.

The SAHM thing. Not really my domain. It's none of my business how any woman chooses to live her life. I don't think I've said anything derrogatory towards SAHMs as a group? The only thing I have said is that it's a risky business to rely on a man to fund you. I firmly believe that. I also think that in the OP's case, finances are not the main issue here. The SAHM thing, therefore, is not at the top of the list of concerns in my opinion.

OP, I'm signing out of this. Absolutely no way should you be 'chased off your own thread'. I wish you the best for the future. You'll have tough days, weeks and months ahead for sure. But you will get through it. Mind yourself. I'd love to hear an update from you in a year telling us how happy you are. Baby steps for now.

World,
I hope you're feeling better today, just know there are loads of us still here supporting you that have been from the beginning.
The posts that have been made that are upsetting you are just that posts made by people that this isn't affecting.
It is however your life!
You've never said you'd take him to the cleaners and he's never said you won't get what you're entitled to.
These people have just jumped in not even knowing you had prior to this booked yourself on a course so that you will be able to start your own business.

Truth is he's a complete and utter arsehole but you're going to mediation and will hopefully sort out everything there

And also to say, don't let yourself be swayed by other women who have been scorned. Some of them are baying for blood with their shouts of 'making him pay' and cutting him off financially.

This is crazy talk. It is not the way and I would strongly suggest that, as much as it sticks in your craw, you keep things civil. This includes how you speak about him to your daughter.

Threads like this bring on so much projection and irresponsible advice at times. And from your place of understandable anger and hurt, you might follow some of this advice. Don't. March to your own tune. Do what you feel is right. Let others fight their own battles. By all means, use the support, but don't let others' bitterness colour your own journey from here on.

Exactly @RebornSlippy

And to those posters, who I notice have only joined the conversation recently, (on a thread that's run for nearly 4000 posts [hmm)

You can Hmm as much as you like TeamCersei but I had the temerity to be on holiday last week with limited access to MN so I only saw this series when I got back. So to you too

I'm sure that the OP can see that all the comments on here are posted in a spirit of helpfulness and support. Weather practical of more emotional. Because they all are.

I don't think continuing with the SAHM / WOTH debate is helpful to continue (and yes I'm I am contributing to that ) so I will walk away from the thread (taking with me a wealth of practical experience based on being in a very similar position) and wish the OP all the very best with whatever may come.

OP you will come out of this just fine. Better than just fine. I know you don't believe that now but you will. Promise

Also just came on here to add the cries of getting yourself a shit hot lawyer and taking him to the cleaners are hardly supportive. More like setting the OP up for a bad reality check. All lawyers will do is eat up the money in the pot. So instead of dividing the money amongst you, you give it to the lawyers for every legal squabble you have. There is fuck all fair about divorce

Bye then.

Bye then

Mature

Yeah this thread has suddenly turned into the STAP lesser than working parent thread, sad times. World you did what was best for your marriage and your family with the intention that the "until death do us part" played out. Honestly not all of us are as pessimistic to think we need to plan for the worst.

Plus world is just about to do a course to allo

Bloody two year old helping me type with his feet .

So yeah World is about to do a course to allow herself to build a career in which she can enjoy. It's shocking she suddenly had to come on to defend her life choices. Most Sahp I know work bloody hard and so often are totally demonised on Mumsnet

I've been on these threads since the beginning and I agree with Rebornslippy. This is not about being a SAHM or what's happened in the past, it's about World making the best choices which will secure her financial wellbeing and happiness in the future. Wishing you best World, and hope today sees you feeling better about things. It will take time.

I'm so sorry this thread has taken on a tone which, quite frankly, will have upset you. Remarks like "being funded by a man" are insulting to say the least. The insinuations that you're a lot better off than others, and "worth a few bob" will have hurt you. You are obviously a very smart, savvy woman and not the type to bury your head in the sand. You know the score, and will deal with things as they happen,

When the thread was all about "shirty Valentine" and other silly stuff, it seemed to be what you wanted, needed even. Perhaps if you come back, it could return to that again.

Strangely you've talked very little about your own emotions, but they will be deep and very frightening. I'm truly sorry if you've been made to feel even worse. Much love and luck.