#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

His texts show he's trying not to look like the bad guy. Now had he at any point prior to this ever spoken to you about how he felt about you and the problems he perceived in the marriage, that would be different.

Up until you went on holiday, he was behaving normally right? So where did his dissatisfaction creep in. Yes he has let you down, for not doing the decent thing and honouring your marriage or telling you he wanted to leave before the affair.

Even though that would have still been difficult, it would have been the decent way to go about ending it.

So many wayward spouses, say they'd been unhappy for years, yet they never said or showed it. That's just their justification.

In that case he has no reason to be using your cc. Tell him to stop using it as it will affect your credit score.

God he's a douchebag.

"Card will be paid. Guitars are in your workshop awaiting collection. No more hollow attempts at jollying me along, thanks. My feelings have obviously been irrelevant to you for some time, and I don't need your crumbs of sympathy now. If I need a pep talk, I have people to talk to who genuinely care about me."

Good reply Lily.

What a knob. The sooner you get him out of your life the better.

Don't stop the card or lower the limit, just make sure it's paid off completely this month, and tell him you want him to not use it, that he has a 2 week to get his own sorted.
If he has used before he stops the bank account, and there is money in it make sure you pay it off in 2 weeks, then it means you can cancel his card and have a full card with a great limit for you and your DD for emergency use. After all he won't be able to order another card on your account, as you can tell them you want no one else to have access and all cards MUST be delivered in your name to your house.

Oh and make sure you check, as I bet he thinks he can put the deposit for the flat on your card.

I think he could be defined as a psychopath

What an absolute bellend he is world You are a better woman than me i'd have sold his precious guitars on eBay for 10p or alternatively smashed them with a hammer.

Of course, until he has no place of his own, to register anything it will have to come to our address, so also pointless for him. He needs to get his priorities right (something he always told me to do!)

It sounds like he's assuming it's ok to move in with his parents - I wonder what he's told them, or if he knows you've been in contact with his mum?

I'll be sending him this

I would suggest you continue to use our joint account and your credit card until everything is arranged through mediation and in the meantime concentrate on finding your accommodation.

Have faith?! I doubt I'll have 'faith' in anything or anyone again after what you have done to us. The one person, ever in my life, I trusted with honesty and integrity now peddling to justify your actions and treating us with such cold hearted lack of empathy, a psychopath I think is the definition

I hope one day it hits him hard!!! He'll be sitting there lonely because OW has decided she wants a much younger man and he'll regret this massively but it will be too late, the damage has been done!! He needs a wake up call!!

I must say OP I admire your strength and the way you're handling the whole situation!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this world.

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Ex left me and DS(3) 6 months ago after 10 years. No OW apparently , but 2 weeks later was shagging someone and taking her on dates using our joint account.

Has treated me and DS like utter shit. Moved into house share and carried on seeing OW. Then lost his job, lied to OW about it. She jogged him on.

Now lost house share, so is homeless and unemployed. I am now paying his half of the mortgage and nursery costs, as well as all bills and living costs for DS on my part time wage.

He is destitute and just signed up for benefits. He's using my address for this and his new bank account!!!!!

I'm expecting bailiffs any day for his unpaid credit card, loan, overdraft, petrol he couldn't pay for. He's on holiday though with OW, leaving me and DS to deal with.

How these men turn into such complete and utter nasty, disgusting cunts is alien to me xxx

I would order some packing boxes and start boxing up his possessions and moving them into his workshop.

I think he could be defined as a psychopath

If thats the case the last thing you should be doing is mentioning emotions in any dealings with him. They just dont 'get it' in the real sense but he will enjoy it in his warped sense.

In fact even if he wasnt a psychopath I wouldnt be doing emotions with him - he's not worth it and why would you want to give him a big head?

Repy to him in a very matter of fact way, if you have to reply at all - credit cards will be paid. Dont mention the guitars at all. Stick to whats important - finances.

I agree with pp. if you must answer be factual. Don't call him a psychopath. It will just give him an excuse to worsen his behaviour.

I hope you're keeping ok Op, you seem to be doing so well xxxx

They only seem to be sorry up to a point, in a sort of detached way-as if it's not them that's cussed the pain. Both people involved in my situation were like this and as your h is being op. I can only think that if they stopped to consider their actions more deeply they would begin to really dislike themselves and that's not something they are up for.

Oh World don't say the psychopath bit he will cling to that and say that was the sort of shit you always said it puts you in a bad light.

Oh and don't text him on behalf of your dd requesting no contact. She is more than old enough to know what she wants but if it comes from you, you will be blamed. Speak to her and ask her if you can text him asking him to speak to her then let them hash it out! Horrible I know but it needs to come from her. You will likely still get blamed .

Don't call him a psychopath. It's just giving him ammunition to show other people and say 'look I've tried to be reasonable but this is what she's calling me. She's been like this throughout our marriage'.

Go official and business like on him. I think he's trying to be the good guy in his own eyes to boost his own ego. It's very manipulative. Reality will hit soon.

I think it's the believe me bit that is the worst.
Believe a lying, cheating scumbag who has screwed over you and his own DD.
Psychopath might be right!

Keep the anger. KOKO!

He's agreed with my suggestion. I removed all the emotional/psychopath.

Says he's looking at £1500 a month. I'm so tempted to reply 'well you do have to maintain your 'sugar daddy' lifestyle'

Tbh it may not be worth the breath of venting at him, tempting though it might be. Keep it cold and factual as per your first paragraph. His "concern" is all about him, his needs, justifying his actions to himself, try not to feed it.