#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

[worldupsidedown]

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

Really don't do anything with the card limit. As he has control of the finances currently, as its his wage, please don't antagonise him.
Speak to your SHL before doing anything.
Is it this week you have your mediation?
I would caution against sending any texts or engaging with him too much. Make sure you have everything you need in place first. Any behaviour by you that he sees as poor e.g. Interfering with money, sending critical texts etc will just be used to further justify his actions.
He is a shit but your day will come.

Interesting. He's not spent anything else at all and there's nothing to show he's taken any/enough cash to pay for anything, food, the 1st/2nd night

Any chance he has a second account/card?

Other purchases probably just aren't showing yet. That's a lot of money for one night, he is very extravagant isn't he?

So now he's sent these texts:

Ok so I've taken my main clothes. I'll be staying at my parents for the next few weeks while I sort out a flat etc. This week I'll try and sort a bank account then we'll need to talk on how we set up payments etc. Can I assume the Xcard will be paid as normal for now from the main account? It's my work card now as well as personal.

I'll sort an appointment with mediation I read all her doc on true plane. Looks good to me, I'm fine with using her.

I've taken one guitar. If the others are too distracting please put them in the spare room and I'll be back for them when I'm sorted.

I'm sorry to have hurt you. It needed to change between us but I let you down. I know it's tough right now but it will get so much better in time believe me. You must have faith.

It just seems so easy For him to walk away. No fight for what is important.

My XH was like that. Could never understand - leaving my family would be unthinkable.

You must have faith? Are you kidding me? OP he really doesn't realise what he has done does he? You are well rid of him

I have to agree with other posters about your DD telling her dad herself that she doesn't want contact at the moment. It will look like your trying to turn her against him if you do it for her.

Keep every message he sends you. He come across very cold in the messages you have said about

He's not sorry. He knows he's hurting you but he's doing it anyway.
It may have needed to change between you but he gave you no voice, no power, no control and no input into that process and he still isn't. He hasn't made a change , he has changed EVERYTHING.
He is still being dishonest and not taking responsibility.
It is getting better for him because he is months ahead of you in processing this and moving on. He's got his next relationship and the life that comes with that all lined up.
What do you need to have faith in? Him?
Pah!
This is just a bunch of platitudes designed to make him feel he's being kind and caring in the circumstances and nothing about your needs and the needs of your DD.
Don't grace him with a reply.

That text If it works for you you should push back 'are you spending for Your sleazy Athens trip on the credit card? Are you buying lunches for the woman you cheated on me with? Do you really think you should ask me to pay it off for you?' Nothing that shows you've looked at the card though.

But you've just got to get this mediation etc asap. What does your solicitor think about holidays and hotels etc? (You don't actually know it's only one night just because someone found a number the same of course)

It's really good that he's agrees to move out.

Have faith? Have fucking faith? I don't know whether to laugh or rage at this man!

He comes across as one hell of a patronising pompous asshole. I would be sticking those guitars in the front garden as I would find them just too distracting. Or out on the pavement. So very distracting those guitars can be, even with all the diary you're trying to muster up.

What and utter bellend.

Diary? Sorry meant faith!

Or (as the guitars are just too distracting) donate them to the local church, you know, seeing as you and FDH are working on increasing your faith and all.

My mediation is on the 29th, his will be made after, hopefully the same day .

If he sets up an account he'll need to get his salary paid into it? Perhaps I need to tell him we can't make agreement on money until mediation? In the meantime he has to continue with our joint account and his cc?

Take legal advice but I'd agree with you. You don't want him to be able to limit your access to funds. If he sets up another account he will have complete control.

Urgh, he is such a skeeze
How you are keeping your cool, I have no idea. I would be jumping up and down on those guitars

The guitars can go in his house sized workshop, not the spare room as I want it for my mum or anyone else takes my fancy to stay!

I know you said the SHL has said to wait for mediation but have they given you any date of when you are likely going to be able to issue papers for divorce- assuming you want to. My experience was that you don't have to wait for mediation. It also means things can be 'frozen' as they are until sorted. This way you may be able to prevent him from unilaterally making decisions about your finances.

I would encourage you to speak to SHL today and see if you can speed the process up.

I think the reason he's not sorted out a new credit card for himself and keeps using the one in your name is because he doesn't want this spending to show on his credit record. I'd check with your solicitor but I really think you must insist he gets his own credit card now. Especially as he keeps saying it's his work card. You will need a good credit reference once divorced and it shouldn't be influenced by his extravagant spending.

I think I would reply saying; "surely you must understand that your recent actions have given me every reason not to have faith in anything ever again, especially you."

Seriously though, what does he mean by it? Is he thinking in his own mind that he will have his fling and then you will happily take him back?

So sorry op (again) that he is putting you and your dd through this. What a dick.

And yes, I would be doing something unspeakable to those guitars too!

He does have his own credit card now, it's one I set up in his name to use in a holiday as it had the best rates for use abroad. He just signed the docs. I have online access! Plus we have a joint bank account his salary is pad into and mortgage comes from. We have another joint account for all the regular bills, I set up a sto for the correct amount to be transferred. The other accounts, savings and holiday villa, etc are all in my name!

"Something had to change between us"