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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

#4 He's gone to Athens to be with her

626 replies

worldupsidedown · 18/08/2017 02:58

So, that's it then. He's left to meet her in Athens. He's read my note but I've not had any reply yet

When you pack you leave for your love in Athens please take everything with you. PLEASE DO NOT RETURN

You checked out of this marriage when you decided to be with her instead of us and it is causing us too much pain to have you under our roof.

My daughter is too fragile to keep having you in our presence and I am trying to hold myself together for her.

Please do at least one honest thing and leave.

World - YOUR WIFE

OP posts:
Doublemint · 20/08/2017 22:12

I would send him the text from your letter as a quote then say "unfortunately you staying tonight isn't an option. I'm sure you will be ok for just one night. World."

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 20/08/2017 22:34

He's probably not going to be back much before midnight but I don't know how much stuff he'll take with him in the morning or if he'll be back tomorrow afternoon/evening to at least clear 'his' room. I want it cleared asap so I can have friends or my mum (Confused) come and stay. Once he's gone I can focus on getting out, moving on, getting friends over. I need a change of scene to take my mind off him.

DD says she wants nothing to do with him and wants me to text him not to contact her.

OP posts:
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 20/08/2017 22:41

The thing is, FDH may think you are filling DD's head with 'crap' if YOU text him to tell him she wants nothing to do with him.

DD is 15. Yes a child still but she should tell him herself.

Plus she's 15. I wouldn't be encouraging a NC with him.

I'd be thanking my DD for being loyal and she has every right to be upset - he's upset her life as much as yours. Suggest a NC for a while until feelings have settled.

KeziaOAP · 20/08/2017 22:48

Rather than you text DD should block his number he's got no come back on you then.

MammaTJ · 20/08/2017 23:12

This has moved on a lot since I last checked in properly.

Can I recommend rescue remedy, available in most health food stores, to help you through the early morning wake ups and anger. They helped me no end at the stage you are going through and beyond. You know, when you wake and want to rant and rave and there is no one to rant and rave at, when things are churning over in your mind, but your body craves sleep, that is when it is good.

user1493059174 · 20/08/2017 23:29

Would defo second Rescue Remedy (as MammaTJ) recommended. Wonderful stuff especially for those early morning wake-ups when your mind just won't switch off. Great for moments of rage too. I always have a bottle to hand

Putyourhandsintheair · 20/08/2017 23:32

Agree with pps. Although DD has every right to refuse contact, this really shouldn't come through you. You will get the blame. Also it means that, if he complies, DD will actually feel even more that he doesn't care because he hasn't contacted her - if that makes sense. it would be better either her just ignoring him until she feels differently or just blocking his number until she is ready- if she ever is.

user1485639128 · 20/08/2017 23:47

Maybe "accidentally" lock him out?

SandyY2K · 21/08/2017 00:01

I agree it shouldn't come from you regarding DD. If she can't do it herself, she can ask MIL to do it for her.

It will look like you've conspired with her, even though you haven't.

With the Greek introductions, he's definitely meeting her people. That'd not regular stuff you learn like for holidays "can I have a beer", or "where is the beach" or "how much is this"

TeamCersei · 21/08/2017 00:20

Shirty Valentine
still makes me chuckle Grin

poor ole ickle Shirty , getting together with his little Greeco bit on the side.
loves young dream not

so so seedy.

thegirlupnorth · 21/08/2017 00:52

He will want to be gone and she won't want him there either. However you've given MIL the heads up which is a pity. It would have been much worse for him if she wasn't expecting the call and he'd have got her true reaction of shock or whatever whereas now when he makes contact she already is expecting it.

Please be careful. Whilst you are her family, ultimately she may appear neutral but she may be piggy in the middle telling you stuff about him and him stuff about you. Don't tell her anything you don't want him to know is all I'm saying.

As for DD again I wouldn't be her messenger. Just let her ignore or block him. If he asks you say he needs to speak directly to her. If he says he can't just say well there's your answer. One day in her own time she will need and want her dad again. Life is simple when you're young but when she's older and had a couple of relationships she'll realise that despite her dads infidelity he never stopped loving her and perhaps for,the last two years stayed only because of her.

Hopefully he'll be gone tomorrow. You will feel a desperate and deep,sense of loss but after that things can only get better X

LilyMcClellan · 21/08/2017 03:46

If it were me, I wouldn't be able to help myself from texting back: "Please stop saying you understand how much it hurts. Even if you do, which I really doubt, understanding would only make you more of an asshole for behaving this way. I just want to get this dealt with quickly and civilly. I'm not interested in your "empathy" for the hurt you've caused."

MauiHQ · 21/08/2017 03:58

But as already mentioned, ... She cannot kick him out.

I believe you quoted my post but I never suggested OP "kick him out"

also didn't imply his domicile rights were legally terminated in any way.

The mere suggestion that his mother expects him is a far cry from urging OP to engage in illegality... it's just a statement of fact.

Apologies if I have misread your post.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 21/08/2017 04:18

OP you sound amazingly strong.

I agree with pp, don't tell him that dd doesn't want contact, she needs to do that herself or through your MIL.

123MothergotafleA · 21/08/2017 05:33

I am no expert on this matter, but I feel that you need to focus on getting the best settlement possible.

Putyourhandsintheair · 21/08/2017 06:44

Morning World. Hope you were ok overnight.
Has he gone?
Thinking of you.

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 21/08/2017 06:49

Thank you again everyone. I do read all your posts and takedown board your wonderful advice. x

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 21/08/2017 06:51

Hello World, hope you had a better night's sleep! I have been following your threads and been amazed at how strong you have been.

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 21/08/2017 06:55

Yes, he's gone. Although I've not yet been downstairs to check the room. Camera footage shows several trips to his car, I bet he's not taken his guitars though! He got in last night at 12:30. He must be exhausted after this past week!

I checked the cc a payment of £485 at Grand Resort Lagonissi. My best guess is this is a restaurant bill and not dinner for two

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 21/08/2017 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyOtherProfile · 21/08/2017 07:03

£485? Do you think he took her entire family out for dinner or something? How flash!

Original poster
worldupsidedown · 21/08/2017 07:05

Oh Lily! Your mention of 'empathy', he's told me in many instances that I have no 'empathy' which always left me bemused! I was thinking of sending him a text along what you suggested

OP posts:
Original poster
worldupsidedown · 21/08/2017 07:05

I might see if I can reduce the credit limit on the card

OP posts:
Bathsheba1878 · 21/08/2017 07:08

Morning World, today will be a tough one. You want him gone yet when he finally leaves the sense of loss may be overwhelming for a while You will get through it though, you're doing brilliantly. You've had fantastic advice on this thread - wish I had known about mumsnet when my break up happened as it would have stopped me making many mistakes. You will come out the other side of this and you and DD will be happier than you can imagine right now. xx

user1471549672 · 21/08/2017 07:09

That's the exact cost of a deluxe beachfront bungalow for 1 night on bookings.com
Can't believe the audacity of charging it to your credit card.

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