Good morning!
Sorry if this is going to be a bit long, please stick with it!
I've been with my partner 3 years. We have a 2 year old together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
I knew when I got with him he had a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a "bad lad" but didn't realise the full extent. The start of the relationship was a nightmare, he was a heavy drinker and took a lot of drugs on the weekend when he was out with the lads. He would disappear for full weekends and I would never know where he was.
I left him but then found out I was pregnant. He promised he would change, which he did and we moved in together.
For a few months everything was perfect, until his ex contacted me 2 weeks before my due date to say he had slept with her. Something he strongly denies, and although it was always there again I tried to work on our family. We had our son and his child came to live with us. Life was ok, he left his job, set up a business and everything was normal till xmas just gone.
He stole some money from our savings and started taking drugs and drinking again. He started going on weekend binges and not bothering coming home. I had enough, so packed some clothes for my son and I, then went to stay at my mums.
That was 7 months ago and since then my life has literally been a nightmare. He has let my son down so many times, he would rather go to the pub then pick him up. My son would be waiting with his little back pack on and I wouldn't get so much as a text to let me know he wasn't coming. Yet I still have him chance after chance with my son. In the end I just stopped getting him ready as I knew he wouldn't turn up.
He wouldn't pay me a penny for our son, I literally had to rely on my mum. He wrote his car off drink driving, he's lost his business and I find out he's got hundereds of pounds in drug debts- what still haven't been payed. He's been messaging other women, one of which was my school friend, practically begging for a date and making out I'm some crazy psychopath who stops him from seeing his son.
Honestly I could write a book about how much stuff he has done to us. But through all this all I wanted to do was help him as I desperately wanted to be the family unit for my son.
I finally got me and my son a house and it has taken me 3 months to get it how I wanted- he wouldn't give me any of my stuff so my mum and I had to literally start from scratch to buy everything again. All my savings have gone and my mum has spent well over her means to make sure we had everything. Something which I am majorly embarrassed about as before I had my son I've always worked and now I feel like such a failure having to rely on others.
Anyways 3 weeks ago, my partner said he had cut down his drinking and stopped taking drugs. Which he has stopped going out on weekends which is a massive improvement. But I still feel as though I don't trust him. He is spending more time with his son (not unsupervised im always there) and we are taking the children out as a family.
Now comes the dilemma. He wants to move in with us and start a fresh. Which I said we need to take it slow, as I don't really ready yet. Everything he has done over the past few months, I feel crippled with anxiety and me and my son are still at my mums till i feel ready to be alone (I know I sound like a big baby sorry). He doesn't understand that he's done anything wrong and is taking it personally saying I obviously don't love him if I can't spend anytime with him as a couple, and tell me I either wipe the slate clean or he leaves me as he can't wait around forever.
It's kept me awake the past 3 nights, because I don't want to lose him when I know he's actually trying to sort his life out. But how can I put my son in that position and make him vulnerable to be hurt again? He won't talk about anything he's done to us, just keeps saying we will never be happy if you keep bringing up the past- but why should he get away with all the hurt and heartbreak he has caused and just carry on as though nothing has happened.
I'm lying to my close friends as I know how much they dislike him after what he's done to us. But I am so frightened I'm going to lose him if I can't forget about the past and just take the step and put it all behind us. I have just getting a text off him saying can we stay together as a family till the weekend, and if it doesn't work we go our separate ways! I just don't know what to do, I'm actually scared to say no!
I realise how pathetic this post is, I sound like a needy child when in fact I'm a 30 year old woman. I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't even feel like me! I can't talk to anyone about it and I'm in desperate need of advice if anyone has been in the situation I'm in.
Arghhhh xx