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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He says that me getting too wet means he can't come

134 replies

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 12:23

Hey everyone, apologies for the overly explicit title but I would like some advice on this please.

I am very stressed out as my current boyfriend takes ages to come and I'm worried it's to do with me. When I get turned on, I get fairly wet and the way he thrusts means that he sometimes slips out of me midway through sex. He said that the reason he can't come is because I am too wet and this has made me really insecure about myself. I am 35 and nobody has ever said I get too wet or has had this problem with me. In fact, not that I've been with loads of men, but most seem to find me being wet a turn on and they've come no problem. He's made me think that I'm loose 'down there' and I've considered doing pelvic floor exercises to remedy this.

I should add I've never had children and that he is well endowed. I know he watched porn and pleasures himself to it so I'm wondering if this has anything to do with this.

One night I cried after he said about me being too wet and he said he wouldn't mention it again but it's like the elephant in the room. He now pounds away for ages until he eventually comes and sometimes even that isn't enough and he has to finish himself off.

Advice greatly appreciated please!

OP posts:
Cockstrosity · 05/08/2017 15:00

Do you know what sort of porn he watches? I agree with Elllicam and others about him potentially choking the life out of that particular chicken however it could be that he has fantasized so much about a particular activity that real life must does not match up. Men are simple creatures and once they find something that hits the right switches they stick with it, sometimes to the point where nothing else does the trick for them and of his mental image fails him then so does his climax, or erection.

As for you getting wet, if it was me I would take it as a compliment. In my experience and generally speaking wet means you got something right.

Best suggestion, talk to him about his porn tastes, try to get him to honestly share what it is he watches and enjoys and involve yourself in it. Watch it with him and if you can, incorporate the notion of not the actions into your love life.

Sparkletastic · 05/08/2017 15:05

He's just a crap shag.

HeavenlyEyes · 05/08/2017 15:12

Why are you with him? Where is your self esteem and why in god's name do you think this is all you deserve? I am at an utter loss as to why you stay with him. Also why are you ignoring all the advice you are being given and just trying to mould yourself into making him happy?

BIWI · 05/08/2017 15:22

Nice bit of victim-blaming there, Cockstrosity Hmm

Why should she try to do even more to please him when he clearly isn't interested in her or her pleasure?

This isn't about what the OP is doing or not doing - it's all about her 'D'P and his selfishness and inconsiderateness

JigglyTuff · 05/08/2017 15:30

Don't be ashamed - you're not the first woman who's been manipulated by a man and you won't be the last.

He's not a nice man OP. Please leave now before your self-esteem becomes even more damaged

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 15:33

@Cockstrosity

I think the problem with what you're suggesting is that if he has become entrenched in and addicted to a certain type of porn and the OP enters into that porn with him in RL on the emotional and physical , she may find that she is encouraging him into sexual anorexia. I think he's getting to that stage already.

user1495832265 · 05/08/2017 15:38

Apologies if I've upset you OP. I think I was the first to mention that I thought I remembered reading another thread by you. You have a memorable name and I only read that other thread a couple of days ago.
I'm sure you know that MN has the option to name change.

How he treats you outside of your sex life is important here - so your other thread is relevant, surely you must see that?
This is a relatively young relationship - I've read your posts with huge concern about your future with him.

kittybiscuits · 05/08/2017 15:38

Your boyfriend is useless at sex ad instead of sorting himself out, he's blaming you. Blow job every morning...you must be kidding. Get rid.

Miserylovescompany2 · 05/08/2017 15:48

I've not read your previous thread - just reading this set off red flags in my mind!

He will continue to systematically pick you apart bit by bit - until you don't even recognise you own reflection in the mirror.

You can NOT fix this man - YOU will break yourself trying.

I'd imagine you'll ignore this post just like my others, however, I sincerely hope you don't

Cockstrosity · 05/08/2017 15:49

BIWI, the OP asked for advice, I did as asked from my experience. I wasn't aware I had blamed anyone by suggesting a couple talk and share experiences. The suggestion I made was to try and understand what his problem was, other than being relatively inexperienced, potentially lacking in past variety and possibly having wanked the spontaneity completely out of his cock.

Cockstrosity · 05/08/2017 15:54

crazykitten20, I agree, however not getting, I think be arrived some time ago.

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 15:55

@Cockstrosity

I was just answering your post. With some thoughts about what you said. Sorry if you thought otherwise

Theresnonamesleft · 05/08/2017 15:58

Get rid.
Blow job every morning.
The fact that he considered anal during sex and slipping it in, this alone is reason to dump him.
You haven't got a wetness problem. You are a wanker of a boyfriend problem.
You aren't sexually compatible and tbh he sounds like a shit fuck.

Cockstrosity · 05/08/2017 16:14

crazykitten20, I was generally agreeing with you. We only differ in opinion on his distance down that particular path on that I feel he arrived at the destination you mentioned some time ago

rockzchick13 · 05/08/2017 16:23

How do you see what threads people have previously posted?

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 16:31

@Cockstrosity - my mistake 🙄

PushingThru · 05/08/2017 16:38

Don't listen to the advice about each watching porn with him and trying to 'understand'; he has no respect for you and is basically asexual. Just get rid.

Onthemove2 · 05/08/2017 16:44

I remember your other thread too and I appreciate you feel that's separate but honestly I do not know why you are with him.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 05/08/2017 16:52

I have never ever said anything bad about someone else's partner, because it's not my place to.

You need to leave this guy, he sounds very horrible, he is the one with the sexual problem and he is blaming it on you.

KJPxx · 05/08/2017 17:00

I know this sounds a bit odd. But try a sensation lubricant. I know adding more moisture isn't what you need but maybe something to get his senses going. And maybe try dishing out the foreplay to help him feel more aroused then it's likely sex will make him ejaculate quicker.
The wetter the better my OH used to say Blush

HeavenlyEyes · 05/08/2017 17:07

This is not a question about making sex better by giving him foreplay! This is about a woman being in a toxic relationship with an utter arsehole. Giving him more foreplay is not going to magically fix him. The issue here is him being a prick - nothing to do with sex at all.

KJPxx · 05/08/2017 17:12

She isn't going to leave its evident by her response. She didn't want advice about leaving she wanted advice about sex

BIWI · 05/08/2017 17:17

Wrong. It's her partner who needs advice about how to behave in a relationship.

Posts about what the OP should try to do - even if you think you're trying to help - are actually making it all about the OP being at fault.

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 17:38

@BIWI - true.

However much we think we know what the OP should do or what it best for her - only she is in control of her life.

It took me a long long time to leave my XDP. Was I a fool? Hindsight is always 20/20 😉

Cockstrosity · 05/08/2017 17:40

BIWI, her partner didn't ask for advice in this thread, she did.