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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He says that me getting too wet means he can't come

134 replies

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 12:23

Hey everyone, apologies for the overly explicit title but I would like some advice on this please.

I am very stressed out as my current boyfriend takes ages to come and I'm worried it's to do with me. When I get turned on, I get fairly wet and the way he thrusts means that he sometimes slips out of me midway through sex. He said that the reason he can't come is because I am too wet and this has made me really insecure about myself. I am 35 and nobody has ever said I get too wet or has had this problem with me. In fact, not that I've been with loads of men, but most seem to find me being wet a turn on and they've come no problem. He's made me think that I'm loose 'down there' and I've considered doing pelvic floor exercises to remedy this.

I should add I've never had children and that he is well endowed. I know he watched porn and pleasures himself to it so I'm wondering if this has anything to do with this.

One night I cried after he said about me being too wet and he said he wouldn't mention it again but it's like the elephant in the room. He now pounds away for ages until he eventually comes and sometimes even that isn't enough and he has to finish himself off.

Advice greatly appreciated please!

OP posts:
missmoz · 05/08/2017 13:42

He's not gay he's just very selfish

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 13:42

Please don't judge!!:(

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 05/08/2017 13:44

OP, this guy is a nasty, manipulative jerk.

If he had insulted my body in this way, there's no way in frozen hell I'd be servicing his dick in the morning.

BIWI · 05/08/2017 13:44

Of course we're going to judge! This man is insulting you and blaming his problem on you - and you seem to be complicit in this.

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 13:44

He's said (before I cried) that he's considered putting it in there on a few occasions as I was so wet.

OP posts:
crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 13:46

Oh my goodness ! You sound just perfect. Maybe too kind. Definitely him. Not you.

I've heard that men who wank a LOT get desensitised. Also watching porn can instill an unconscious feeling of 'that's how it is'. Which of course it isn't.

If I were you I'd back off a bit. He doesn't sound very knowledgeable about women to me 💕

Miserylovescompany2 · 05/08/2017 13:47

You do realise that he's going to continue picking fault with you! It's ALL about him and his need/want/desire...

hollieberrie · 05/08/2017 13:49

Oh this really strikes a chord with me. I dated a guy like this for 6 months some years ago and it was awful - I still feel damaged by it tbh! Id get out sooner rather than later OP.
Is he circumcised? The guy I had this issue with was and it seemed to be a contributing factor - decreased sensitivity - along with the porn, masturbation addiction, death grip, into rough sex etc. God I still feel sick thinking about it! I haven't slept with a man since - only women. Smile

OutToGetYou · 05/08/2017 13:49

He considered anal sex because you were too wet. He considered it.....without discussion or 'fancy trying/doing this tonight...?"

He's a nasty piece of work. Move on.

CaoNiMartacus · 05/08/2017 13:50

Stupid twat. (Him, not yours...)

arsenaltilidie · 05/08/2017 13:52

If he doesn't put you down in other ways and he's generally good then I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
I'm 99% sure it's the death grip. Tell him to lay off the porn for a couple of weeks and see any changes.

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 13:57

I'm going to have a talk with him about this. I have asked him before about what I can do to make him happy sexually and he's just shut down and said he's happy with everything. I would beg to differ.

OP posts:
user1495832265 · 05/08/2017 13:58

OP are you reading the advice you're being given??
Have you posted about this guy before?

Miserylovescompany2 · 05/08/2017 14:00

Eh? What you can do?

Maybe also ask what he thinks HE could do to make you happy sexually...

simon50 · 05/08/2017 14:00

Think its HIS problem not yours. The wetter my partner gets the better job I feel I'm doing ! Find someone who appreciates you in bed and don't blame you for his failings.

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 14:00

I have posted about him before but not about us sexually.

OP posts:
sourpatchkid · 05/08/2017 14:00

God I'm not normally like this but this thread is frustrating the shit out of me. OP I feel like you aren't really listening to any of the replies - this is his issue, the sex sounds shit, stop trying to be 'better' so you can make up for it.

Clearly the sex isn't working for either of you. Either have an open conversation and change that or leave.

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 14:02

@Felinefine81

Obviously your choice to have yet another chat with him.

I'd respectfully suggest you are verging on coming across as needy and desperate.

Might not appeal to him , if what you're aiming for is appeal.

TurnipCake · 05/08/2017 14:02

Oh God I remember your other thread now

You're wasting your life with this prick

BIWI · 05/08/2017 14:03

OP - I've just read your first MN thread (at least your first one using this name) and it makes for appalling reading.

Why on earth are you with this man? And why, more to the point, do you seem to think you love him when he treats you so badly?

Go back and read your own thread and imagine this was being written by your sister or your best friend. How would you feel? What would you advise them?

You sound so desperate to have a relationship that you're prepared to put up with all manner of abusive treatment, and accept the little and occasional crumbs that he occasionally deigns to offer you - and see that as a positive thing!

Seriously. This man is no good for you and is certainly not helping you address the issue of your self-esteem. You are worth so, so much more than this.

Northernparent68 · 05/08/2017 14:03

I agree he should not blame you and he was at best insensitive, however what ever the cause it. Is not porn or master action. The death grip is an urban myth spread by people who dis approve of porn. There is no credible medical research supporting it.

Let me put it this way porn has always existed, why is it only now we hear about the death grip.

user1495832265 · 05/08/2017 14:04

Thanks for the reply OP - I thought I remembered your name.

This guy is a twat. You need to fuck him off.

Smeaton · 05/08/2017 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/08/2017 14:43

I remember you and how fond you are of his daughter as well. He is also a deadbeat of a father to her too.

This is what I wrote to you before on your previous thread:-

"The only way to handle this is to leave him. There were and are many red flags about him that were missed or minimised; his comments re his ex for instance. He is also one of many causes of your current low state and he will make you feel far worse going forward too.

Sulking is another form of emotional abuse; its never about being silent but about power and control.

I would suggest you enrol yourself on the Womens Aid Freedom Programme as this will help you re boundaries and red flags, your boundaries are very much skewed and he has targeted you accordingly. Whose idea was it as well to move in together after just 2 months?. His?."

Your relationship bar is so low as to be almost non existent and that is why you were targeted by him; you were and remain easy meat for him.

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 14:53

Thank you to everybody that has replied. I feel ashamed that my original thread has been 'exposed' as I saw this as a separate issue. I feel so weak at the minute.

OP posts: