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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He says that me getting too wet means he can't come

134 replies

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 12:23

Hey everyone, apologies for the overly explicit title but I would like some advice on this please.

I am very stressed out as my current boyfriend takes ages to come and I'm worried it's to do with me. When I get turned on, I get fairly wet and the way he thrusts means that he sometimes slips out of me midway through sex. He said that the reason he can't come is because I am too wet and this has made me really insecure about myself. I am 35 and nobody has ever said I get too wet or has had this problem with me. In fact, not that I've been with loads of men, but most seem to find me being wet a turn on and they've come no problem. He's made me think that I'm loose 'down there' and I've considered doing pelvic floor exercises to remedy this.

I should add I've never had children and that he is well endowed. I know he watched porn and pleasures himself to it so I'm wondering if this has anything to do with this.

One night I cried after he said about me being too wet and he said he wouldn't mention it again but it's like the elephant in the room. He now pounds away for ages until he eventually comes and sometimes even that isn't enough and he has to finish himself off.

Advice greatly appreciated please!

OP posts:
foodiefil · 05/08/2017 12:48

Ditch this absolute tool please. This is abuse, it's going to move on to comments about your hair, make up clothes.

Tell him his cock is like a pencil.

'Haha well I know you know this but you're thinner and pointy at the end, my ex had a cock like coke can'

Smeaton · 05/08/2017 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PovertyPain · 05/08/2017 12:49

Has he started asking you to do more adventurous things, in bed, OP? I would be worried where this might be leading.

temporarilyjerry · 05/08/2017 12:49

How long have you been together? If it is early days, this is likely to be as good as it gets. Sad

MouseholeCat · 05/08/2017 12:50

He doesn't sound very tactful, resourceful or creative. I'd ltb!

If you still feel this is salvageable, I'd suggest one last try of finding a time to talk to him about it when you're not pre, mid or post sex and starting from a place of "what ways can we experiment to help you". Stress your boundaries. It's not acceptable for him to make you feel bad, or to shame you for your natural and normal bodily reaction to sex. If something is not working for him, you expect him to politely and warmly mention it and propose an alternative.

Sex is collaborative, and if he doesn't get on board with that then he's resigning himself to being a (literal) wanker forever.

MrsOverTheRoad · 05/08/2017 12:51

It's not ABOUT you "judging him" for wanking OP it's about him not being able to come because he can only come in the way he's got used to coming.

Wanking.

He's a wanker. Get rid!

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 12:51

Thank you so much for the comments. We have tried loads of positions but even with the one(s) he seems to favour, he takes ages or can't come at all. I said to him that maybe he should try not thrusting so far that he slips out but he joked 'that's where the magic happens'.

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 05/08/2017 12:52

Are you not reading the advice?

Everyone's explained...he can't come because he wanks all the time or at least has done...so he needs to stop wanking completely in order to get his sensation back.

It's a common problem.

troodiedoo · 05/08/2017 12:54

Agree with all other posters. You're lucky to be so well lubed! It's a good thing. Moron.

Also sounds like he's over thrusting.guessing he's doing that thing with his whole body not from the hips? Tell him he doesn't need to thrust that far as it's not as big as he thinks it is.

Or ditch him, your call.

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 12:56

I honestly think I'm no more wet than is normal and in fact some men before have commented on it like it's a really good thing. I've tried to have a discussion before about sex and asked if he would ever get bored with me. He said that we just needed to 'keep it kinky'. I've no idea what that means.

Unfortunately, while clearing out his old flat I know that he engaged in some sort of bondage with his ex but that doesn't interest me and he hasn't brought it up.

OP posts:
Smeaton · 05/08/2017 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

troodiedoo · 05/08/2017 12:59

Hark, I spy red flags on the horizon..

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 13:00

PS We've been together about a year and live together. We get on really well and love each other but this is an issue I don't know how to deal with.

OP posts:
Sarikiz · 05/08/2017 13:01

Could not believe what I was reading. You let this man make you feel there is someting wrong with you. Well there isnt. This man has issues
Give him the elbow the he can then wank to his hearts content.

SleepFreeZone · 05/08/2017 13:01

OP you are coming across like a total doormat in this relationship. Do you ever discuss the things that you like sexually or is the only important person in your relationship, him?

dowhatyouwish · 05/08/2017 13:02

I had an ex who used to blame me for his premature ejaculation. The problem is him!!! Not you.

Smeaton · 05/08/2017 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SwimmingInLemonade · 05/08/2017 13:03

Lots of red flags here. Not just the fact that he's making HIS inabilty to come YOUR problem. but everything you've listed here! It sounds like you're not particularly compatible sexually, and he hasn't even brought out the bondage stuff yet!

Being charitable, is he from a culture where being wet is seen as a bad thing? (Africa, Indonesia etc.)

As you've already pointed out, most men are very pleased indeed when you get wet. There's no such thing as "too wet"!

MargotLovedTom1 · 05/08/2017 13:04

He can whack a condom on if it bothers him that much. It sounds like he has a problem with delayed ejaculation and he's trying to make it out to be your fault. You've never had any issues before with anyone else - that's got to tell you something.

HeavenlyEyes · 05/08/2017 13:05

will you please google death grip and the effects it has on people's ability to have a normal sex life?

Felinefine81 · 05/08/2017 13:06

We used to have sex so much in the beginning but it has tailed off a good bit now. I feel that sometimes it's too much of an effort for him and he only does it through obligation or because he feels I'm annoyed that he's not making moves.

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 05/08/2017 13:06

The fact that he can't come is not because there is something wrong with your body. It's him.

He's horrible and I wish you could see that OP :(

missmoz · 05/08/2017 13:07

He can't come through sex or blowjobs because his body has got used to him orgasming in a certain way, aka into his hand.

What's he doing to make you orgasm?

MistressDeeCee · 05/08/2017 13:08

If he has to pound away like that he's shit in bed. Maybe because he wanks too much. But its his problem not yours. He shouldn't have said that to you, even if your're wet (he should be bloody glad you are, Id dry up like the Sahara on a man that said such a thing to me) there are ways and means of lovemaking to get around that, that won't require constant pounding..has he never heard of delay, stop/start, different positions?!

Nah - desensitised to being with a woman due to porn, and flogging his log to it. He is entirely dumpable I think but if you want to stay with him you need the sex talk, cool and calm. Don't let him make his problem your problem

notsoloudmrblessed · 05/08/2017 13:09

Another one saying the guy has death grip and niche porn issues. He should not have led you on in the first place - a wanker in both senses. Confused

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