I can't believe I'm posting this.

[McBounty]

Hi everyone.

I am just going to dive in, but could I please ask that you're gentle with me? I haven't stopped crying all day and I am currently writing this through exhausted and teary eyes.

Today I had a huge bust up with my husband. It got very physical.

My husband hasn't been himself for a while now. He left the British Army in February this year and it's almost as if he has reverted right back to his teenage self before joining the forces.

He smokes weed every single day. This really hurts me and I have repeatedly asked him to stop. He says he has, but then goes on to do it again. I know this because when he smokes weed, he's a nice person. If he doesn't smoke weed, he's a horrible person.

I have recently become a Christian. I was baptised last week and I truly feel at peace with this. He doesn't support my decision (despite me respecting his beliefs and never bringing mine home) and although that's okay, he gets very aggressive about it. He shouts and tells me why I am 'stupid' for believing in such 'crap'. He is always making nasty comments about it and it's just nice a nice environment to live in.

Anyway, today he started smoking (regular cigarettes) in the kitchen. He has always had to leave the house to smoke because of our 9 year old DS. He has always respected this, until today. I was ranting about it and he come over and grabbed my finger bending it so far back I thought it was going to snap. I moved him off of me and he did it again continuously. He then hit his head on mine and pushed me back in to the kitchen counter with a real force. I then pushed him away and he pushed me with such force that it made my mouth bleed and fall straight on to the floor. I ended up with cuts on my hand and a bruise on my arm. My finger is still really sore.

I feel like I can't possibly continue this relationship with him. I think he's depressed and may even have PTSD as he did 2 tours or Afghanistan - but when I've begged him to get help before, he refused.

I just feel so hurt and so upset. My son was upstairs and heard everything. This hurts me deeply. He shouldn't have heard this.

I just feel stuck and I really am not sure what I have come to ask, I suppose I just needed to write it down.

Thanks.

@McBounty

You have done the right thing.

But I just wanted to let you know there is hope, if he gets help to sort himself out. My DH has PTSD and was a very angry man for a while. Things are great between us now, he's actually my rock. He still has PTSD but it's under control.

You are doing the right thing by keeping yourself and your son safe. If it is PTSD you taking it seriously is going to make it a lot more likely for him to get the help he needs.
Your son and you deserve to feel safe in your own home so never go back to him unless you can feel 100% sure that is the case.

I am really shocked by people dismissing the effects of combat PTSD. I am not for one second justifying what he did to OP or their son, and I fully support her very difficult choice to ask him to leave. But unless you've had experience of PTSD you cannot just dismiss it.
BIL jumps at loud noises yes, but also the smell of sand, of a butcher shop, of diesel fuel. He stands with his back to the wall whenever he can and scans behind whoever he is speaking to for potential threats, he has flashbacks, locked in nightmares where he's aware of what is going on but paralysed and unable to call for help, he can go from seeming completely fine to an absolute wreck of a man with the smallest of triggers.

So yes, I do think OP has done the right thing for her family, he needs treatment and they need to be safe. But please, please don't lump a man with combat related PTSD in with abusive bastards who do it for kicks, they are NOT the same.

OP I hope you're doing ok, and that you and your wee boy are safe and coping.

OP clearly he has PTSD I know he has now left and is going to getting help. Well done. Can he stay with his family or have enough money to rent a room somewhere? Very sad.

number1 You're absolutely right.

He's a broken man and he's finally hit rock bottom. Hopefully the only way for him is up. I also recognise that he is trying to break me too. That isn't okay and I won't be dragged down there with him because I have the most precious little boy to think about.

I will however, try to help in anyway I can. I want him to be the kind man he once was, if not for myself then for our son. He deserves better.

He did feel cornered, this is what he said to me.

There's of course no excuse for the violence, but like others have said, I do believe there's an explanation. He will absolutely not be coming back here until he's had a lot of help and I feel safe. This might not ever happen. If it doesn't, I accept completely that my marriage is over.

You're amazing OP, you really are. Do you have RL support too? I wish you all the best for the future, whatever happens.

I have sent you a PM OP I hope thats ok.

McBounty

I wish you all the very best. This must be so very hard for you. You are doing the right thing

Tofutti
I am not making excuses at all, he is ill and needs help. What he did was wrong, no one is arguing that, but saying that he is the same as the bloke who habitually abuses every woman in his lfe iswrong.

And being "familiar" with MH issues doesnt mean you know anything about combat PTSD, its causes and effects, as you clearly dont.