Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Too much too soon!

97 replies

Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 14:35

So, my red flag antennas are twitching massively on this one-

Newish guy - 8/9 months in. It was lovely - really like/love him.
Then, he had to move out of the place he was in, and is now fecking 'staying with me' until he can find a new place. It's been 3 weeks. He's looking at somewhere tonight, and quite frankly if he doesn't take it I'm going to be furious.
He's also bringing his dog over to mine for the next 3 weeks, as the people who were looking after it can't have it in the holidays. I don't have a dog. I don't want a dog. It's going to severely curtail what I do with the kids this summer.

All this is presented to me as a fair accompli Angry

Added to that, he took my spare key this morning, then texted to check I didn't mind. And that he's had some spares made.

He is being unreasonable right? It's not me.
I need to have a Big Talk with him don't I? Confused

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 31/07/2017 14:38

Spares cut???? Who the fuck for?

Popchyck · 31/07/2017 14:40

He's got some front.

He's just decided to move in without asking you, move his dog in without asking you and decided to get some spare keys to your house made. Without asking you of course.

No, he's actually not lovely. He has shown you exactly who he is. He's an entitled arse.

mrscropley · 31/07/2017 14:40

So you have today to change the locks. . .

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 14:46

It's all a bit much isn't it?
I'm really struggling with it all - I want my house back. It feels like he's sort of slotted himself in without asking and now he's here, he expects equal say in what's going on and where we go

OP posts:
EllaHen · 31/07/2017 14:48

Dear God, this man is a cheeky fucker.

Adora10 · 31/07/2017 14:50

What, you need to put a stop to this, he's taking the piss.

chips4teaplease · 31/07/2017 14:51

Put your foot down before the dog gets there. He needs to move out and hand you all the spare keys. Or do change the locks. Your home, not his.
Really, put a stop to this before he gets to your house tonight. Or have his bag packed, waiting for him.

Nellyphants · 31/07/2017 14:51

You need to get him to move out, it's way too soon for a man to be living with your kids after 8 months. Why did he move out of his place with nowhere else to go?

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 14:55

He would have nowhere to go tonight, and there's no one else can have the dog either.
I don't want to end this to be honest, but I'm going to have to woman up and talk to him - if he persists in this vein, then he's going to wreck the relationship.

OP posts:
hatsoncats · 31/07/2017 14:55

No. Just no. Put your foot down fast.
It's too much, far too soon.
Refuse him & his dog.
He should not be moving in with your kids so soon.
He should NOT have had spare keys cut.
He'll have somewhere else to go. I bet he's laughing his socks off that he's walked all over you this easily.
Submit to this, and you are putting him/dog before your childrens' safety and wellbeing. Don't bother asking for your keys back, he'll already have handed a couple out. Get the locks changed & decent bolts fitted.

PrettyGreyEyes · 31/07/2017 15:01

😮 why did he have to leave his house? was he evicted? Surely he wouldve known he had to get somewhere. I agree with others that he's taking cheeky fuckery to new heights!

Change the locks. Hide your new keys (chain around your neck?) and then tell him that ge has to make alternative living arrangenents. If nit friends/famiky then B&B.

Is this new 'steamroller' behaviour or has it simply ramped up?

Bananalanacake · 31/07/2017 15:02

Is he paying you rent? Personally I give the relationship 5 years before agreeing to talk about moving in, but e everyone is different.

MrsMozart · 31/07/2017 15:14

Change the lock. Then have the conversation.

Hermonie2016 · 31/07/2017 15:15

Yes red flags..my stbxh moved in by stealth, although we had been together much longer. I only realised afterwards when his controlling nature really kicked in that I had not been given the opportunity to say No. It was done in such a manipulative way that he was there and of course he started to make changes, all very subtle but constant.

8-9 months is way too early, especially if you have children and it needs a full and frank conversation with all the implications thrashed through.

Unless you knew him before he would have been a stranger 10 months ago and now he's living in your house. That's quote a leap forward.

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 15:22

Don't want to give too many details in case of outing etc but I've known him for a while. Suspected cheeky fuckery but not on this scale!
I don't know why i can't get up the gumption to say no to blokes, or stand up for myself in any way!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 31/07/2017 15:23

You need to stop this now. Tonight. Do not let the bloody dog stay. Do not let him stay. Get those keys off him.

My blood pressure's terrible after reading this!

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 15:24

Oh and no, he's not paying rent - he does give me some for the food though. Haven't charged him rent because I didn't know he was staying this long Angry

OP posts:
hatsoncats · 31/07/2017 15:29

Doesn't matter if you've known him a while.
You don't know anyone until you've lived with them.
Turn the dog away at the door, and don't let his hound in either.

Nellyphants · 31/07/2017 15:30

You need to have that conversation tonight. He can stay in a b&b. If he's a reasonable bloke he'll understand. If he strops huffs or attempts to manipulate you with pulling on the heart strings you'll know all you need to know about him.

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2017 15:33

Your poor kids are on their holidays. They don't want him and his dog staying, so he doesn't stay. End of conversation.

TheFaerieQueene · 31/07/2017 15:34

Getting keys cut is unforgivable. This is your and your children's home. What right does he have to walk all over you to give himself unlimited access to your home. How many copies has he had cut? Whatever number he tells you I wouldn't believe him. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries.

chips4teaplease · 31/07/2017 15:48

don't want to end this to be honest, but I'm going to have to woman up and talk to him
I can understand the reluctance to end a pleasant relationship.
But he's moved into your home, he's bringing his dog, he's had spare keys cut, he isn't paying rent (and even if he were, he'd still have to go, just for his attitude).
For heaven's sake, put a stop to this today. As for having 'nowhere to go', if he doesn't have relatives he can go to a b+b, like anyone else would.

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 31/07/2017 16:20

He's been to see a place but it's not ready till September - so I've just texted back ' well that ones no good then is it?' Yet to hear back. Baby steps for me!

OP posts:
Nellyphants · 31/07/2017 16:28

September, that's only a month away. Then something will happen & it'll fall through. Too bad, he'll have to start looking again.

Forget baby steps, he has the neck of the divil, getting keys cut, bringing his dog. He'll stamp all over your delicate baby steps.

Popchyck · 31/07/2017 16:28

How come he had to leave his previous home?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.