Too much too soon!

[Skyrabbit]

So, my red flag antennas are twitching massively on this one-

Newish guy - 8/9 months in. It was lovely - really like/love him.
Then, he had to move out of the place he was in, and is now fecking 'staying with me' until he can find a new place. It's been 3 weeks. He's looking at somewhere tonight, and quite frankly if he doesn't take it I'm going to be furious.
He's also bringing his dog over to mine for the next 3 weeks, as the people who were looking after it can't have it in the holidays. I don't have a dog. I don't want a dog. It's going to severely curtail what I do with the kids this summer.

All this is presented to me as a fair accompli

Added to that, he took my spare key this morning, then texted to check I didn't mind. And that he's had some spares made.

He is being unreasonable right? It's not me.
I need to have a Big Talk with him don't I?

If you struggle that much with boundaries, it'd make sense to stay single awhile.

No baby steps.
Set your boundaries and stick to them.

OP why did he have to leave his last place?

Massive cheeky fuckery. You're going to have to be firm.

People pleaser is fine, but don't be a doormat, OP. Dog can go to kennels, tough shit. One presumes he knows he had to move, (renting and was given notice?) so basically he didn't bother looking for somewhere new? Cheeky fucker is right. Don't be walked over, OP, this is your house, not his. Get all keys back, why has he had more made?!

Please let us know how you get on. Hopefully you can get your point across. Surely he knew when he was leaving his old place and had ample time to sort himself out.

Good luck OP

Please be strong and stick to your position. He absolutely needs to move out

I feel for you re: the dog. My ex had a dog, she was elderly (around 13 I think) and a pain in the arse. I made the mistake of letting him move in too soon, only lasted about 3 months before the relationship ended he moved out. But the dog, arr it pisses me off just thinking about it. It shit on my carpet a few times, pissed on my bed (!) scratched/chewed my glove compartment in my car because it could smell sweets in there. Ate everything, as in if you put your biscuit down for one second on the arm of the sofa it would scoff it! Licked my furniture and he never walked it so used to open the back door and let it shit in my garden. It was vile, my ex was vile and I am glad they are both gone!

I will never own a dog (I like my cat) and I would never date/live with someone who had a dog again.

I'm a bit confused, presumably at some point he either asked if he could move in or he just turned up with his stuff with no prior discussion. Either way, that was your opportunity to say no. Likewise when he first brought up about the dog. I get that he's a cheeky fucker but I'm not sure why everyone is being so venomous about him, op has probably not given him any inclination whatsoever that she's not cool with it.

Why are so many couples unable to just have straight conversations with each other. Baffles me.

I wouldn't be introducing boyfriends to my kids after 8 months of dating never mind letting them move in. If you don't want him living in your home you need to tell him.

He
Had
Keys
Cut?

WTAF?

I am honestly appalled. And you have children? So now he has keys to give to any old Tom Dick or Fanny? Who can then get into your home.

Where
Your
Children
Live.

Fucking hell. I don't use the c word but

He's a cunt.

Well, the dog isn't coming the people it was staying with are keeping it! Phew - one less thing!
The 'staying here' thing - he'd been staying at a friend's house until it sold. I got a days notice from BF that it had been sold and him and his stuff arrived the next day - and it seems to be until he finds somewhere else . I'd said in passing a few weeks before that if he was desperate, I'd think about him being here for up to 2 weeks if there was a gap - but not like this!!

So the spare keys that he had made are for whom exactly?

Sky you need to tell him he will have to find somewhere else to live. What about your children?! You have already said that him being there is disrupting the time you spend with them. It's one thing being a people pleaser but you need to prioritise yourself and your children.

OP, so he'd been dossing at a mate's house. Houses don't sell in a matter of days so presumably he knew that he'd have to move out? And had time to sort something? But chose not to presumably.

Before that where was he living?

At what point does he think it is actually his responsibility to house himself?

What age is he?

So it's been longer than 2 weeks, ask him to leave!

OP you have been lovebombed.

That is all.

PS: google will tell you all you need to know.

In my long years of experience ALL men who do this are cock lodgers. Tell him to get out and finish with him.
He has moved into your home, your childrens home.
This is your sanctuary not somewhere where randon men can just move in.
No decent man with an ounce of self respect would sponge off a single mum like this. You don't need this kind of man in your life and neither do your children.
Paying you attention and being nice to you is not everlasting love, love is someone who respects you, feels an obligation to take care of you and discusses important things with you not any random cocklodger who takes the piss out of you and your children.

'Lovebombed' 'fraid so, Emma

It is entirely credible, that he was 'lovely' to you, exactly because he knew he needed somewhere new to live, and decided that you were a prime target. Sorry, but don't bother asking for the keys back. Just get the locks changed. If he comes back to find his key doesn't work and his 'stuff' is outside, he will go for his plan b. He will have a plan b lined up, just incase.

If having him there is affecting your kids in a negative way then you need to tell him to move on.

Bin him off. He's a sly fucker

A days notice? Sounds dodgy. I once had to leave a rented house as it was being sold, I got looking for somewhere new as soon as it went on the market. And like fuck would he have been given one days notice.

Did you ever go there OP? Where was he before this house and where did he intend to move after? Has he ever had his own place? Starting to think he's fed you line after line.

Thanks everyone. Had long long talk to him.
He's taking the place he saw today, and giving keys back too.
He's genuinely a decent guy just very bull in a China shop-y.
Long and short of it is communication. I'm shit at it, and he's not much better. We both need to talk more. Tonight has been a watershed I think. I'm rediscovering saying no. And he's accepting that this is my home and my kids and my rules now.
We'll see what happens, but I'm more in control now, which is good

That's a steam rolling parasite you have on your hands. Scrape him off, sharpish.

Your comments will not surprise him. He has done this before (regarding the keys=prior experience). He will use you up and then move on to someone else. Nip it in the bud.