Pre nuptial agreement

[rainsbow]

Just after some advice about doing a pre-nup. I'm not after a backlash about how seemingly unromantic this is, this is about protecting myself and my kids in the future should we get divorced.

In a nutshell, im 29 and I'm fortunate to own a large property mortgage free. This is solely in my name. Df and I are getting married in the autumn. If we broke up, will marital law automatically give him a share of my house despite not contributing to the purchase and the fact that it was bought outside marriage? Rightly or wrongly, that seems morally unfair and unjust to me. I want to ensure that if we broke up, that no claim can be made on my house.

Has anyone done a pre nup and can advise?

I do not think they are legally binding but do hold a certain amount of weight if they are fair if that makes sense.

In your shoes I would put the house in a trust for your children.

Does he know you want to do this? How much is the house worth

I've done a pre-nup but I lived in the US and after 10 years the pre-nup becomes invalid and it's a 50/50 split.

Go speak to a lawyer about protecting your assets. I fully understand where you are coming from. It's not unromantic at all. It's a very common sense approach. So many marriages fail in the first 10 years.

House is valued at approx £700k. Our finances have always been separate. He has credit cards, I have never had one and thankfully never had any debt. It's imperative to me that I don't get saddled with his debts through marriage.

I just really want the security of my house always being my house.

I think you are Very wise.
Be very careful, I think if you are married he could take you for 50% of your house. I have known this happen twice over the years and in both cases the marriages didn't last much longer than 2 years or so!!
Definitely get good legal advice.

You need legal advice. Pre nups never used to be legally binding in the UK and I'm not sure it's any different now (I looked 25 years ago) and once married if your DF pays for decorating, new boiler etc then he will have a claim of some sort on your assets should you split.

I'm not sure I'd be marrying in your situation. Is there a reason why you'd do this?

Yes, I wouldn't be getting married. It's a legally binding contract entitling him to half of your assets. Pre-nups aren't recognised in the UK.

Interestingly my DH and I were talking about this the other day. Irrelevant for us as we started out together but we both agreed in you situation we wouldn't get married. If both parties are equal in terms of assets it's a different matter.

Will a pre nup negate that though? I'm going to make an appointment to see a family lawyer asap

We have one child together and I have one from a previous relationship. I will keep all bills in my name and continue to pay for all house maintenance myself.

As for don't get married, I can't be the only one in the world in this position!!

He will still get half if you divorce once married, unless it's very quickly, like after one or two years, I'd imagine.

Maybe I'll put the house in the kids names

This

Maybe I'll put the house in the kids names

But you can't wholly trust them or the influence of any dodgy partners they might meet. Nothing divides families like money. Don't mean to sound so pessimistic by the way!!! Just seen it happen.

Honestly, I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust to be fair in the event of us divorcing. The need for any sort of pre or post nuptial agreement screams lack of trust to me. Sorry.

I will keep all bills in my name and continue to pay for all house maintenance myself

If its the marital home then he may well be entitled to a portion of it should you split. I've been sahm for over 15 years, none of the bills are in my name and I don't have the money myself to pay for repairs so my DH is entirely responsible for paying bills etc but I am entitled to claim a fair share because of helping to run and maintain the marital home.

What I dont understand is why you are considering marriage but you are not willing to share whats legally your partners should you split. Maybe you should be reconsidering the reason why you're marrying this person and possibly considering an alternative to a legally binding marriage such as a joining of lives humanistic type 'wedding'.

Seems like the best way to secure your assets is not to get married. I think if he were paying toward mortgage you would be stuffed but sine he isn't you might be ok.

Only experience I have is a friend of mine wanted to get married. Her family is very wealthy and threatened to cut her off if she got married without a pre nup. She didn't want one so she didn't get married but was estranged from her family a good few years. Her and her dp bought a house and are v happy together, unmarried.

Better off putting it into a trust etc rather than just your kids names.

Once they turn 18 any loans/benefits will be offset against them being 'homeowners'.
Also, they could easily force a sale or turf you out if it's in their names - you truly don't know what will happen in the future so need to guard against this kind of scenario.

Also, who's to say they would want their step-dad to be 'chucked' out should your relationship fail?

Personally, i'd rather stay engaged than risk my security.

It just doesn't seem morally remotely fair that I've paid £700k for a house all on my own and just because we've got married that he's entitled to half a house that he hasn't paid towards.

Even if he were to pay the gas bill for example, or all the bills, that would never amount to £350k worth. It's just not fair.

No, its not morally fair he could run off with £350k (or more) one day after you get married having not contributed at all ..... precisely the reason you'd want to take legal advice on this.

But think about it, the law as it stands traditionally protects the SAHM (or lower earner) who doesn't "earn" the cash to pay the £700k mortgage or associated bills, but by staying at home (looking after house and / or children) has likely enabled the (traditionally) male partner to earn all the cash to pay the £700k mortgage. In the event of a divorce, society (quite rightly) doesn't think it's right she's got no claim on that house value / pension / investments paid for by the other's salary.
Hence the law as it stands (admittedly it's not perfect as many a thread on here proves).

So, the same laws apply to you two. Quite reasonably, you want to ring-fence somehow your £700k investment. I would too. But as marriage pools much of your finances in the eyes of the law, you're going to want to take very specific advice as to how to achieve that ring-fence.

It just doesn't seem morally remotely fair I really don't think marriage is for you. Its not about who paid for what its about sharing your lives together.

Have you spoken to your DF about this? You will both need your own legal advice as he cannot sign your pre nup without it. If he says no he wont sign it what will you do then?

You either love this person and want to spend the rest of your life with them sharing everything you own (that may be in your wedding vows too) or you dont want to share your life in which case why get married?

Kel1234 ...... I get where you're coming from, but do you honestly think the millions of folk who've ended up in a similar situation got married thinking "nah, don't really trust him not to run off with my cash, but hey what the heck, go for it ...."

The vast majority of folk getting married do so precisely because they do trust the other implicitly. Then as we're all too aware, something happens months or years down the line which shatters that trust.