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Original poster

Pre nuptial agreement

167 replies

rainsbow · 30/07/2017 18:23

Just after some advice about doing a pre-nup. I'm not after a backlash about how seemingly unromantic this is, this is about protecting myself and my kids in the future should we get divorced.

In a nutshell, im 29 and I'm fortunate to own a large property mortgage free. This is solely in my name. Df and I are getting married in the autumn. If we broke up, will marital law automatically give him a share of my house despite not contributing to the purchase and the fact that it was bought outside marriage? Rightly or wrongly, that seems morally unfair and unjust to me. I want to ensure that if we broke up, that no claim can be made on my house.

Has anyone done a pre nup and can advise?

OP posts:
Original poster
rainsbow · 30/07/2017 20:04

it shouldn't be about cashing in on each other's assets. We have and will always have separate finances. So I want to ensure we can both ringfence our own wealth. Just because we're married, we shouldn't morally be able to say "ha now give me half".

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 30/07/2017 20:06

Why are you getting married?

It sounds like what you have unmarried suits you well, companionship but not financial partnership, so why change it

I married because I DID want a financial and everything else partnership with my DH, not just companionship

caffeinestream · 30/07/2017 20:07

If you don't want to risk him having claim on your house, don't get married.

Pre-nups aren't legally binding in the UK, so even if he did sign it, a judge could totally ignore it and give him 50%.

TinselTwins · 30/07/2017 20:07

Marriage is about all the things you want to avoid

If you want a symbolic wedding do a hand-fasting or something, not a legal partnership/formal combining of households, which is what an official marragie is

caffeinestream · 30/07/2017 20:08

Thing is with separate finances, it might work while you're married, but as soon as you split (especially if there are DC) a court will consider all money as family money, which will then be split accordingly.

Original poster
rainsbow · 30/07/2017 20:08

What if he sticks by his verbal claim (for now) that he wouldn't ever take what's not his?

OP posts:
Happylittletrees · 30/07/2017 20:08

There's no foolproof way to ring fence the house. Just don't do it. There is only risk for you financially in marrying this man.

Original poster
rainsbow · 30/07/2017 20:09

I could take my name off it and put either my parents on it or my first daughter (from previous relationship) but obviously would also provide equally for second daughter

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 30/07/2017 20:10

In your personal position I wouldn't get married.

Probably not the advice you're after but from what you've said I'm not sure why you are?

Also, you seem keen to keep all finances, bills etc seperate, isn't the point in marriage to become joint in all aspects?

I have a feeling a solicitor may give the same advice Confused

SorrelSoup · 30/07/2017 20:10

Yes, I think what you have now is the right arrangement for you. I too wanted to build a financial future with dh. If I get half way in and it goes tits up then I will need half the assets. What if one of us can't ever work again etc? Marriage is financial protection. If/when i receive my inheritance it will be family money, it can only be that way.

CatsGoPurrrr · 30/07/2017 20:12

You've not answered people's questions, OP: why get married at all?

The only way to guarantee that your fiancé has no claim on your house is to NOT be married.

AlpacasPackOwls · 30/07/2017 20:12

Why are you getting married?

TinselTwins · 30/07/2017 20:13

Seriously though, why are you gettng married?

I wanted my DH to be my next of kin should anything happen to me
I wanted us both to have some security should anything happen to the other

You don't want that, which is fine, but what do you want from getting married?

Can what you want from marriage be achieved another way? is it the symbolism? is it sharing a name? all of those things can be done without legally combining your households.

llhj · 30/07/2017 20:13

Well it's not hard earned for a start. It's been handed to you on a plate. Good luck to you. But to be honest even if you don't get married and he is in your home for 10 years, it is going to be very difficult for you to ring fence the house after a split. That's life I'm afraid. Ultimately he is the father of your child. It comes with responsibilities that you will do the best for one another as he will need to provide a home for your dc if you do spilt.

Ellisandra · 30/07/2017 20:14

Ignore people saying it's about trust Hmm
I trusted my husband not to fuck prostitutes - fortunately we had approx equal assets.
My friend also trusted her husband not to fuck prostitutes - and had to give him £200K. What did he give her in exchange? Chlamydia Hmm

She only earned 20% more than him, he hadn't been a SAHM parent, he earned over £50K and she moved and lost career options in order to further his. But her mum had left her a house before they married, so BANG: goodbye £200K.

I love my fiancé. We're having a pre-nup. He actually has slightly more house equity than me, but I will likely have a far better pension by the time we retire - hopefully together.

I do think that not marrying at all is definitely a sensible option given the asset size.

Pre-nuptials are not legally binding but my solicitor (and all UK solicitor websites that I've seen) say they are increasingly considered by courts to understand the intentions of the parties.

My situation is probably simpler - we're older, our children are with previous partners not each other. So I'd be more cautious in your situation.

Something to throw in that I don't think has been mentioned. You said you were getting married in Autumn - this year?

YOU NEED TO COMPLETE YOUR PRE-NUP AT LEAST 3 MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING

It's so that it's less likely there is undue pressure or not due consideration. I think you need to postpone your wedding!

Billchan · 30/07/2017 20:35

You don't sound like you have high hopes for this marriage to be honest.

jeaux90 · 30/07/2017 20:41

Rainsbow the only good reason to get married is when you plan to be a sahm and forgoe a career and decent salary.

Unless this is a scenario then what is the point? (I might get flamed but I think marriage is bloody pointless and outdated unless it's for the above reason) marriage is all about assets.

OhDearMuriel · 30/07/2017 20:48

I don't see why you couldn't put it in your parent(s) name. As long as it is done correctly, so that if your parent(s) die, it isn't split up amongst your siblings as well - if you have siblings of course?

Another good reason to see a Very good solicitor to run through different options/scenarios for you.

OhDearMuriel · 30/07/2017 20:50

"You don't sound like you have high hopes for this marriage to be honest."

Everyone has high hopes for marriage, But as we all know they do sadly very frequently end!

TheNaze73 · 30/07/2017 20:50

I think people would be crazy not to consider a pre nup, with assets etc in the background.

Do what you need for do OP

Ditsy1980 · 30/07/2017 20:53

If you had equal assets then I would say you wouldn't need a pre-nup and just go for it. He's less likely to want your half a mil from the house if he has similar assets.
However, it does not sound like that's the case. So I would definitely be planning on protecting myself, my assets and our children's future.

My suggestion would be keeping your 700k equity in the house but splitting any equity over that 50/50 in the event you split in the future. That would cover any contributions he makes to the house.

SparklingRaspberry · 30/07/2017 20:55

You might not think it's fair but it's the law. It's a fact. Once married, what's yours is his and what's his is yours. That's one big thing about being married. If you don't like that, then don't get married.

That is the whole point of marriage. To join together. You clearly don't want to do that so why get married?

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2017 20:56

I concur with the why get married. Marriage nowadays (religious elements aside) is designed really to create the legal situation you are intent to avoid, I.e. Shared assets. It's designed to safeguard the parent who makes sacrifices to raise a family and to ensure equal split of assets.

But pre nuptial agreements are now seen as legally binding

TinselTwins · 30/07/2017 20:59

Everyone has high hopes for marriage, But as we all know they do sadly very frequently end!

Yeah but most people's hopes include building a joint household together and becoming each others next of kin.
OP doesn't want that
But still hasn't said what she does want out of marriage?

bluediamonds · 30/07/2017 21:00

I won't marry again for the sane reasons OP, for the security of the children. Shame how money can define us.

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