Pre nuptial agreement

[rainsbow]

Just after some advice about doing a pre-nup. I'm not after a backlash about how seemingly unromantic this is, this is about protecting myself and my kids in the future should we get divorced.

In a nutshell, im 29 and I'm fortunate to own a large property mortgage free. This is solely in my name. Df and I are getting married in the autumn. If we broke up, will marital law automatically give him a share of my house despite not contributing to the purchase and the fact that it was bought outside marriage? Rightly or wrongly, that seems morally unfair and unjust to me. I want to ensure that if we broke up, that no claim can be made on my house.

Has anyone done a pre nup and can advise?

At such a large amount at stake you must get sound legal advice.

I own my house and I would never get married to someone unless they were on the same run of the ladder as me. It does sound callous, but I have worked too hard for it and it will go to my DS.

I have seen properties split up before with nothing going to the 'rightful' blood relatives (your children).

A good example is, what would happen if you died and he married a gold digger - your children could easily be left without anything. And believe me, I have seen this happen.

Money is at the root of all evils and you won't believe what people can quite easily do, unless you have it legally wrapped up.

I am a lot older than you, and have seen some awful things, and it is not uncommon at all.

Thanks. I definitely want to ring fence the house at the very least. I will see a solicitor asap.

I mean this gently OP, but what on earth do you think marriage is for if not to create a legal contract for two people to be essentially treated as one unit in terms of sharing money and property? It's why marriage exists!

I'm in a similar position to you, you aren't alone - but all the legal advice I've ever received has been along the lines of, if not sharing my assets is important to me, don't get married as pre nups are not legally binding and carry less and less weight the longer the marriage lasts. Likewise, putting assets in trusts specifically to avoid having to share them in divorce is also not water tight and such assets can be treated as marital ones regardless. If I were you I'd have a think about whether marriage is the right course of action for you.

Pleased to hear it - you are definitely doing the right thing!!

OP I'm a single mum. Have my own house, shares etc. No way on this planet (unless I lived in the US) would i get married as I am not prepared to lose half of my assets that I worked my ass off for. For my kids sake I wouldn't do it.

I think the rules here are pretty good and fair. The pre nup holds for the first 10 years of the pre nup doesn't disadvantage any DC brought into the union. After 10 years it's normally 50/50 unless you can argue that one person is unfairly disadvantaged by this. Child maintenance is a whole different discussion and is never decided by the pre-nup.

For those of you who are questioning me. Here's a scenario for you to consider...

You have a million pounds in savings and property. You worked your arse off for all of it. You're mortgage free and ecstatic to be financially sound. You then get married but sadly this ends. Despite the fact that your husband hasn't paid a penny of your million pound estate, you have to hand over £500k.

Now tell me I'm not being sensible.

It's not a matter of being sensible, it's a matter of law

Pre nups are not legally binding in the U.K. If you marry, even with a pre nup, chances are he will be entitled to half the assets should you split.

If you don't want to risk this, don't get married. Simple.

Hence I will ask my solicitor my best course of action. That may be to put the house in my name with my father too or something.

You are being sensible.

But you're also talking about the father of one of your children.

Yes you should protect the first child from him. But you don't need to protect your fiancé's child from your fiancé.

If you don't trust your fiancé to put your joint child's interest ahead of any second wife he may have or on a par with any half-siblings your joint child may end up having in the future, don't marry him. (Actually I'd have said don't have kids with him but too late for that).

You're not being sensible by getting married if you want to protect your assets. Marriage is about pooling all resources. My husband and I both had nothing so it was easy but if I was in your position I'd have to make the decision if I was going to give him half or not.

It's never advisable to co-own with an older generation. You're kicking the ball down the line, at best. Worst case, think of your and your father's inheritance / tax issues.

Go speak to your solticitor. It's not straightforward or easy. I think you've got a mental hurdle to overcome.

Will phone solicitor tomorrow. Thanks.

Fwiw when we've spoken about this, df has said he's proud of me for getting to where I am and so wouldn't claim on the house. But that's verbal now everything's great. I want the written agreement for if things go sour.

I dont think anyone was suggesting you weren't being sensible by wanting to protect your assets, we are saying that getting married isn't sensible if you don't want to share your assets.

I'd happily share nominal assets like cars/possessions or money accrued during marriage but £500k of my own hard earned money before marriage? Not a chance.

what will you do if you find that there is no way to 100% ensure the safety of your assets?

Why are you so keen on getting married?

I know it's morally unfair - but then how fair is it that you could go after his assets in a divorce? Especially if you decided to have dc with him?

I don't want his assets!! I don't want us to claim each other's!

If you were to buy a new house with him, you could ringfence all the money you contribute.
So if in the future you are forced to sell etc, you will get your contribution back before the rest of the equity is split?

I am impressed you earnt enough by age 29 to own in full a £700,000 house and have 2 children.

That's not doable. He has no savings to make his own contribution, even for a 90/10 split of a new house purchase.

Nightshirt my parents have helped me.

Not getting married is your best option then.

I don't want us to claim each other's!

then why get married. Your approach is an argument in favour of not** getting married.

The simple answer is don't get married to a pauper.