Is it bad to wish your ex's family death and pain?

[user1498060624]

It's been 2 months since we broke up and all I constantly think of is how badly my ex's mother and brother treated me with the things they said and did. How they differentiated me and my family because we are not British and how they showed me a million times how low they thing of me compared to the other DIL despite that I had been in the family for years, I am (more) educated and I have never done anything bad for them.

I know this is really low of me but I constantly wish them (inside my head) the worst! I feel like a bad person but also get pleasure wishing them the worst and I really want them to experience as much pain and life deterioration as much as I have experienced because of their actions and input in my relationship.

Has anyone ever wished the WORST for their ex and ex's family or am I the only bad person here?
Does it ever go away, I want to get my normal self back....

“Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

My ex and his family are morally bankrupt bastards, but I couldn't give a flying fuck about them and their lives. It is very damaging to brood about people who hurt you. Move forward and enjoy being free of them.

User, I totally agree. I have drunk a poison and I think it's killing me.

TheFaerieQueene, I try to remind myself that I am free and I should be grateful but I literally HATE THEM! Like I wish them the worst ever, major pain so that they experience what I have experienced because of them!

user1488575338 that is brilliant!

I think what you are going through is perfectly natural, OP. There is bound to be a period of anger and resentment toward them. Hopefully, it will wear off after a while. In the end, these people don't deserve the time you are giving them in your thoughts. You aren't hurting them by thinking ill of them.

Mayby distracting yourself when you start thinking about them? Make a positive effort to think of something completely different, and make it something that brings you joy? Easier said than done, I know.

Good luck!

User, easier said than done like you said.

I hate them and I wish them pain and death. I cannot even believe that I say this, but this is absolutely what I wish them. I want them to experience pain every single day as much pain as I have experienced because of their words and manipulation in my relationship.
My family is in utter shock for what I say and I am in utter shock with how much hate I have inside me and how bad I fell and think of them!

But in all honesty I cannot even wash the dishes all I think of is them and what they did. I feel disgusted of myself but all I really wish them is the worst!

Its not bad to wish it. It's bad to make it happen :D

Bitterness/hate is a horrid feeling though. Denying it doesn't help. Perhaps give yourself half an hour a day to allow the feelings full force and if they come back at another time, push them away until their half hour. Over time hopefully they will lessen ... 8 weeks is really a very short time if it was a serious relationship.

The best thing that you can do is be the best you can. Prove to them how good your are in all aspects in your life. That will eat them up from the inside. Seeing you enjoying your life and being happy. Them knowing that they can't get to you any more.

@SeaEagleFeather this sounds like a very good trick which I'll definitely try, thank you!

@clairethewitch70 I dont think they appreciated me despite the fact that I lived for 3 years with them so I dont expect them to appreciate me now that I am away.

I am beautiful and kind hearted, I have 5 degrees and I am well travelled. With my experiences and education I could provide a good basis for their son's life and we did love each other until they came in and started manipulated things. His mum never liked me because I am not British and he showed it to me so many times. I was his son's girlfriend of 3 years and she never bothered to send an Xmas card to my parents, however as soon as her beloved second son found a girlfriend she met her parents within a month (!) and bought them gifts and donated to the couple a house to stay. The differences in behaviour were so big I couldnt possibly not see them. The other girlfriend was an uneducated 21 years old girl who's working PT as a beautician. She was rude and barely addressed me or spoke with me when we were in the same room. So I really dont see the appeal to her face. But again, she's local I am not so...

I really wish them the worst and I hope her favourite son breaks up with his girlfriend. Which of course is not going to happen since they pay their bills, offered them the flat, pay their holidays, and make anything they can to make sure this relationship works!

Okaaaaay

Get yourself a voodoo doll or four and let your feelings out on those. Then concentrate on healing and understanding fully what you went through. What you're experiencing is raw and scary but it's natural and a sign that your boundaries are healthy - I'm willing to bet nobody will try that shit on you a second time. You're hurting, but trust me you'll be fine with time.

@MorrisZapp trust me I am scared and ashamed of my thoughts too.
But for people who have destroyed your life to that extent you can only wish the worse. One day I might be above all this (I hope one day soon), but for now its tough!

It's pretty mean to describe the other girlfriend in the way that you have.
Maybe it's your attitude?

@GallicosCats I am certain that from now and on I will allow nobody to give me any kind of shit. I will try to focus on understanding why I allowed him to let his brother and mother treat me like this and why I didnt protect myself earlier. Thank you!

You don't come across as a very nice person if I'm honest....

Honestly the guy I was with for 2.5yrs his family treated me awfully too. Some of the things they've said about me I didn't think people had the capacity for so much hatred.

It's a reflection on them, not you.

It's nothing to do with education or intelligence you know.

Perhaps, it was just you as a person they didn't like and not your ethnic background.

@fruitbats I understand it sounds insulting, but I have every right to mention that she's an uneducated, PT beautician.

She has been rude to me many times since the 1st time I met her!
She did not talk to me or address me in the room, and did not even thank me for the Xmas gifts I bought her (just 2 days after I met her). When I told my (ex) bf that her behaviour is not normal he said she is a shy person. But to my world, a shy person doesn't walk into her boyfriend's house half naked in the presence of his parents and pretend to me 'shy' by being rude and not talking to people! I suppose though they'd forgive any of her mistakes because she's British and with their favourite son!

As a matter of fact not only she didn't thank me for the Xmas gifts but she changed my NYE plans by staying in the flat (the one the happy couple stays now) that I had initially reserved to spend NYE-its a family house in another city. And of course the mother and brother (her bf) did nothing to tell her that shes being rude and disrespectful for fear she'd get upset and go away.

So no, I don't see something wrong with describing her for all the things she's not. I am sorry she's uneducated, but that's her choice not mine! And yes I don't like pretentious people like her either. One of my friends met her randomly and told me she's the most vacuous twat (her words not mine)....

@FlyButterflyFly Thank you for your opinion. I am sure I dont come across as a nice person but I am sure if you'd go what I've been through your thoughts would have been bitter as mine.

@SandyY2K education provides a better understanding about life and opens your horizons. If you have never travelled or been to the University or even left your family house to experience life independently then I do not thing as a person you have the same mentality and beliefs as someone who has. They didnt like my ethnicity because they kept mentioning constantly how much they detest immigrants living in the country. They were fanatic Brexit supporters too!

@Fauchelevent I'd like to think this. It's just sad that I never saw it before. If you only knew the things they judged me for (e.g buying a new bike even though I already had a bike!!!-hows that even bad?) I cant even believe they had all these feelings for me coming out of nowhere!

I certainly harboured alot of ill will for my ex (after 5 years he came home one day and said it was over, totally out of the blue, said I wasn't attractive anymore, he didn't love me and I was boring?! Then packed his stuff and left - his mum was outside in the car waiting for him, at the time he was 25 Ffs). Turns out he'd been seeing a woman from his work behind my back for months.

Anyway, fast forward 7 years, I'm with DP, buying a house etc beautiful DD, university educated blah blah blah.

He thought he was going to be having a DD with the woman he left me for, DD came and wasn't his (he is Bajan, the baby is very very white).

Karma is a bitch.

Don't you worry OP, karma most certainly does come back around. Just let go of your anger and get on with your life, something better is around the corner for you.

You sound arrogant, snobby, entitled and not in the least bit "kind hearted" like you proclaim.

It is pretty obvious that you don't like her. By half naked do you mean short/skimpy clothes? Maybe she is genuinely shy.
You come across as believing yourself to be superior to her. That is not a good vibe.

Sorry to say op your not painting yourself in a very good light

I was sympathetic at first, but I'm not sure I'd want you marrying my son after some of your comments.

@RubaDubMum89 Oh my, this does sound like karma was around the corner! I am so sorry he left you this way, how ridiculous his mum was waiting outside!

I am really hoping these negative thoughts will go away. To be honest they come and go but are still there. Not that I'd ever hurt them physically, quite the opposite, the ex was abusing me and his mum knew it but did nothing! POssibly she was too occupied with her other son.

I hope I will go through it and have a happy life one day!

Such a shame they never truly appreciated me!

It's bad for you, yes. It has zero effect on them so pretty pointless other than to store yo a load of angry feelings inside yourself that serve no purpose other than to keep up angry.