Is it bad to wish your ex's family death and pain?

[user1498060624]

It's been 2 months since we broke up and all I constantly think of is how badly my ex's mother and brother treated me with the things they said and did. How they differentiated me and my family because we are not British and how they showed me a million times how low they thing of me compared to the other DIL despite that I had been in the family for years, I am (more) educated and I have never done anything bad for them.

I know this is really low of me but I constantly wish them (inside my head) the worst! I feel like a bad person but also get pleasure wishing them the worst and I really want them to experience as much pain and life deterioration as much as I have experienced because of their actions and input in my relationship.

Has anyone ever wished the WORST for their ex and ex's family or am I the only bad person here?
Does it ever go away, I want to get my normal self back....

@FlyButterflyFly you can have your opinion. You have never met me in real life to know who I really am and if you judge me based on a thread where I personally admit that I do not recognise myself being so bitter, fair enough!

@fruitbats The first time she came to meet his parents she was wearing a yoga bra and leggings where you could see her thongs-and no she doesn't have the body of a yoga instructor and it wasn't a hot, summer day. The second time I saw her she wasn't wearing a bra and had her one shoulder exposed. It just happens she is dressed like this in the presence of the father only...

You have a hugely inflated opinion of yourself OP, and no one likes that.

@timis not a problem! :))

Sorry OP, but you are obviously very judgemental. That doesn't mean she wasn't shy. I hope you find some peace with the situation and I suggest you start by looking inward.

I don't think your ethnicity is the problem OP, it's your personality.

Your views are so bad I'm not sure this isn't a wind up.

@timis I am sorry I come across like this but if you walked the pathway I have walked and managed to go through it successfully maybe you would value yourself a lot too? I dont think that thinking high of yourself based on all the lemons life threw you and you squeezed, is a bad thing???

Like I said in my initial post I understand I have really negative feelings and anger in me but its OK if you dont like me.

@fruitbats just to make clear, isn't 'shy' a person who is an introvert? Someone who doesn't want to be on the spot? Someone covering herself not to get the attention? Someone not talking much or at all?

So, if my judgement is completely wrong, why walk half-naked if you don't want to attract the attention?! Surely she knew that people would look at her body....

Oh wow! Well it's safe to say your education certainly didn't teach you everything.

A little humility wouldn't go amiss OP. You have no Idea what pathway some of us have walked. You are young and horribly arrogant.

i think its quite normal to hate your exes etc, but the level of hate you feel is only going to be hurting yourself. It sounds like youre obsessing and ruminating, and I think you maybe should consider calling Relate, and talk it over. You really do need to move on, and it sounds like at the moment its getting worse, not better

www.relate.org.uk/

It's one thing to value yourself highly, and another to value yourself ABOVE other people. Your posts have an air of "I'm better than most people" and it doesn't make you come across that appealing, as a person.

@timis absolutely agreed! None of us here know what pathways each of us have walked. As I dont know you you cannot say the same for me because you know nothing. I suppose yes I am young and arrogant for valuing myself high :(

@MeanAger I didnt claim that I have studied psychology or sociology to control my feelings and anger, so my apologies.

There are plenty of women who walk around half naked, because they CHOOSE to. That's her business! Stop being so judgemental and body shaming.

I didnt claim that I have studied psychology or sociology to control my feelings and anger, so my apologies.

You don't need to study psychology or sociology to know not to be a judgemental prick.

@Branleuse I have never heard of this before! Thank you so much I am certainly having a look later on, thank you!

@FlyButterflyFly I value myself high, that's true. I am very well aware that there are so many different people out there so no, I don't think I am the God and above everyone!!! But I have a high opinion of me. No one knows what I have really been through in life and why I value myself so much and I dont want to get in detail why. but If I come offensive my apologies it is not my intention.

You sound very kindhearted!
Thank god you're beautiful though 👍🏻

Let it go with the ex in laws. All this hateful energy will not serve you. Just let it go. You can't change people that don't want to be changed. And they won't be the last people you come across in your life who won't like you. Because not everybody has to like you, and that's OK.

You know, most people in life are just trying to navigate their way through life, in the best way they can. Even if that "way" doesn't resonate with you. When you truly understand that, you will become a much more compassionate person.

Be kind, humble and compassionate and the people who are meant to be in your life will gravitate towards you and stay there.

@FlyButterflyFly I am not body shaming at all! I didn't say anything about her body being too thin or too fat, I just found her way of dressing inappropriate for the occasion and totally not consistent with her being shy....

@MiaowMix

@MeanAger then I guess you are right.

@FlyButterflyFly THANK YOU!

Actually, you did say "she didn't have a body of a yoga instructor" ...which was pretty scathing. As women we shouldn't put another woman down about her body.

You can think what you like, you can wish what you like. It makes no difference whatsoever to their lives, only yours.

Karma is bullshit- often what goes around never comes back around. Ever.

And actually you don't really know what 'pain and suffering' they might have already felt in their lives- to presume that you've hurt more because you were treated badly after a three year relationship is pretty shortsighted.

In short- move the fuck on OP

@FlyButterflyFly
most people in life are just trying to navigate their way through life, in the best way they can. Even if that "way" doesn't resonate with you

This is actually the wisest thing I have heard today and I am definitely going to remember it in life. Thank you!

@PantPlot thank you. You are right I don't know exactly what they have in their hearts, pain or happiness. All I know is how low they treated me, how they were treating the other girl better in front of my eyes to see it and how they were influencing my ex's thoughts. That's all I know, along with the hurtful words they said after we broke up.

Life is a cycle but I don't care if it will get them. Maybe it will, maybe it wont. All I am looking for is to forget about them and recover quickly. On one hand I am happy they are not in my life, but on the other I wish they appreciated me a bit more.

I should focus on myself and well being even if it is easier dais than done. I am really hoping time will be my doctor :)

Oooh i love the subtle insinuations of "she only dresses like this in front of the father as well". Yoga body or not,it did get her a flat and bills paid?