MIL advice

[user1499333856]

Can I get a sanity check please before I send a message I regret?

My DH has told me to send a message about this to my MIL. Thoughts please.

MIL has had our two children for a few days. She dropped my youngest today at daycare and then brings all the bags back to our house.

She has a key. Usually she rings the doorbell.

This morning I am in bed and all of a sudden my MIL is in my house. I am not dressed. And I didn't know she was coming over.

AIBU to expect a phone call beforehand or even for her to have rang the doorbell before she came in.

I'm pretty pissed off at the minute and tearful. I have depression and a cold. I don't want someone coming in to my house unannounced.

Husband told me to send this:

"Hi MIL
Thank you for bringing the things back today.
I'm sorry I wasn't dressed: still not feeling well. I don't want to pass on my fever/bug.

Would you mind ringing ahead or the door bell when you come in? As I say, I wasn't dressed and didn't expect anyone here. I hope you understand.

You're always welcome but please let me know before you come in."

Thoughts please. 😔

Why isn't your dh dealing with it? It's his mother

And I'm pissed off that DH, who was also in bed (separate room), didn't even come out to deal with it and left me standing there eventually in a dressing down and now doesn't want to deal with it.

DH couldn't care less his mum was here. I suppose. He says we have been arguing all week and doesn't want any more hassle. He says I'm argumentative and always have a problem.

I wouldn't send it as it might upset her because she was doing you a favour looking after the dc. She might not have expected to fin you home anyway just as you didn't expect her to let herself in. Manage the situation diplomatically by fixing a security chain to the door. That way you'll have to let her in yourself.

Sounds like she's helping with your children and trying to support you and be helpful. She was probably trying not to disturb you.

Sorry to drop feed. There are other problems here. In a drunken arguementvom Saturday he told me 'he uses prostitutes all the time'

Says he said it in anger. But I'm not stupid. I've caught him meeting at least two and he is a continual sexter with escorts.

Ugh, my life is a mess

Then don't piss your mil off by nit picking over this, it's a minor issue compared to your issues with your husband. You will need her help and understanding in the future so let this go. Fix a security chain and get some counselling to help you decide what to do.

Your husband is with prosttutes and your worried about his mother seeing you in you PJs?

Seriously priorities your thinking

She knew I would be home. I don't work Wednesdays. It was 9am.

Maybe I could have been doing naked yoga. I'm not cross with her

What greentulips said.

I feel very unimportant at the moment.
People let themselves in to my house. My husband doesn't care about my feelings. I'm just isolated and lost. I don't feel I have any control of my home/marriage/etc

I'd Focus your energy on ending your marriage.

You're focussing on the wrong person, let it go for want of a better phrase.

You have more important things to worry about than your mil

Why can't you leave

Sorry, my last post was a tad abrupt. It's no wonder you're feeling so bad at the moment.
What do you want your future to look like?

Change locks, fix security chain, get control of your life and don't piss off people unnecessarily.

Don't do it. She was wrangling two children for you; maybe it was just easier than ringing the bell and waiting. It looks like you are going to need as many people as possible in your corner.

What a bizarre drip feed.

Anyway, re your MIL. Don't send it as it turns nothing into a big deal. She was doing you a favour in looking after your children and dropping the bags off. She has a key so presumably is trusted and she maybe didn't want to disturb you.

Your DH on the other hand...

God op, you poor thing! Yes, your mil is NOT the problem here. I wouldn't send her any text. Try to put the whole thing with her out of your mind and focus on the real problem; your husband.

I don't have problems or dislike my MIL.

I just didn't want anyone to see me tearful and depressed. I look shocking. That's just how it is sometimes with depression.

I'm signed off work with a burn out. I've worked full time (more than that - 7 days a week) when my husband didn't work for 3 years. I have two children 3 and 4.

My husband tells me to go if I am unhappy. I know that's my answer right there. I know.

And yes, don't piss of your mil, (or anyone else), right now. Especially when she's doing you a favour. You may need her support at some point soon.

I wouldn't send the message, especially as it's your husband who has told you to do it. He probably wants you to fall out with her, this will then prove his point that you are argumentative.

He sounds like a bellend to me. I bet your self-esteem would shoot up if he wasn't around.

And yes, this is a terrible drip feed. Apologies.

I think you need to get this shifted to relationships- you need ongoing support