CW: child neglect

[siblingproblems]

I've NC'd for this and I'll try to keep it as vague as possible as it's quite outing.

I just spent a week with my step mother and my three siblings who live a long way away as a 'break'. I've come back feeling upset, deflated and useless. SS are heavily involved with my family and the middle sibling currently lives in a foster home. My oldest sibling isn't considered to be in danger due to being over 16. DB however is a toddler and my step mum is in Special Measures with SS (think that's what it was called) and DB is meant to go to nursery every afternoon to encourage his stimulation and social skills.

However, in the week I was there, my step mum bothered to take my DB to nursery ONCE. The other days, she couldn't be bothered. His nappy was changed once-twice a day, he is fed very little and not nutritious food (I didn't see him eat any fruit or veg when I was there), he is totally understimulated and spends most of the day in a dark living room watching things on the TV whilst my step mum smokes cig after cig. He is shouted at for the smallest things and has developed a fear of adults speaking to him due to this. He very rarely goes outside for fresh air. I work with kids and he is by far one of the most unhappy children I have ever met. His speech is vastly lacking for his age and consists of mostly swear words because that's what he hears at home- he is young but will be starting reception in September '18. He isn't talked to, played with or anything and in general he is ignored unless he is being shouted at. I ended up arranging to stay with my middle sibling for the rest of the week as I just felt so, so, so upset and couldn't be around it. Especially being a survivor myself, this felt scary and sad.

SS are already 'heavily' involved (although imo they should be doing more), and I rarely see him as I live at the other end of the UK. Even if SS were to put him into foster care, I most likely wouldn't qualify as a foster carer, although of course if I was asked I would do so. I can only hope that things are better when I next visit, but for now I just feel lost, guilty, and like I should be doing more.

Is there anything I can do at this point? Do I just have to sit back and see what happens? If SS are already involved there's nothing much else I can do is there?

Special gaurdianship order. It would give you parental responsibility along with birth parents but you have the overriding decision making power in most things. It means you could be the parent in effect and make the day to day choices . Unlike adoption it doesnt completely sever the legal connection between parents and child. It is generally prefered by ss in the case of family carers and there is scope to negotiate financial support in some cases. You would also qualify for child benefit, child tax credits etc if he lived with you which could help.

@smilingmind Oh! Tax credits too?! Right, I'll definetely be fine then, I really wasn't expecting that. I'm used to the forms thanks goodness- I volunteer with a local version of CAB for people in the immigration system so I know how the forms work.
Right, I'll read into SGO/CAO more. GP- I'm actually moving house pretty much right now so I need to find myself a good GP. I'll make it a priority to ask how they are with children's developmental health whilst I'm searching for a good 'un, just in case. I know he'll need an urgent referral to Scottish CAMHS for speech therapy etc.
Thank you so much for your help!

@flapjackfairy Ahhh ok, so tax credits etc aren't available under CAO?

Ok, so say I did the turn2us calculator, if I wanted to work out finance for a CAO order I would add him in as a foster child, whereas if I wanted to work out finance for a SGO I would add him as a dependent child?

No they should be as far as i know though i am no expert on CAO . I do know what i am talking about with fostering and adoption and have looked at sgo for our foster child so i am quite knowledgeable there ! One thing to bear in mind is that an sgo ends on a childs 18th birthday which is why we want to adopt our older fc who has v complex needs. If your db will not be independant then it could leave him vulnerable then with no ss involvement and his mother would still have parental rights.
However adoption of close family members is sometimes not favoured by sw and as i said they would probably want an sgo instead.

I got tax credits, child benefit, DLA for DC without having CAO or any other order.
There was no risk that the parent would take DC back so I only applied for the CAO after 2 years as he was going to be starting school and they advised me to.
I just applied for them and was never asked any questions.
Still apply for tax credits every year and they don't ask if I have any order and I am too old to be DC's parent.