CW: child neglect

[siblingproblems]

I've NC'd for this and I'll try to keep it as vague as possible as it's quite outing.

I just spent a week with my step mother and my three siblings who live a long way away as a 'break'. I've come back feeling upset, deflated and useless. SS are heavily involved with my family and the middle sibling currently lives in a foster home. My oldest sibling isn't considered to be in danger due to being over 16. DB however is a toddler and my step mum is in Special Measures with SS (think that's what it was called) and DB is meant to go to nursery every afternoon to encourage his stimulation and social skills.

However, in the week I was there, my step mum bothered to take my DB to nursery ONCE. The other days, she couldn't be bothered. His nappy was changed once-twice a day, he is fed very little and not nutritious food (I didn't see him eat any fruit or veg when I was there), he is totally understimulated and spends most of the day in a dark living room watching things on the TV whilst my step mum smokes cig after cig. He is shouted at for the smallest things and has developed a fear of adults speaking to him due to this. He very rarely goes outside for fresh air. I work with kids and he is by far one of the most unhappy children I have ever met. His speech is vastly lacking for his age and consists of mostly swear words because that's what he hears at home- he is young but will be starting reception in September '18. He isn't talked to, played with or anything and in general he is ignored unless he is being shouted at. I ended up arranging to stay with my middle sibling for the rest of the week as I just felt so, so, so upset and couldn't be around it. Especially being a survivor myself, this felt scary and sad.

SS are already 'heavily' involved (although imo they should be doing more), and I rarely see him as I live at the other end of the UK. Even if SS were to put him into foster care, I most likely wouldn't qualify as a foster carer, although of course if I was asked I would do so. I can only hope that things are better when I next visit, but for now I just feel lost, guilty, and like I should be doing more.

Is there anything I can do at this point? Do I just have to sit back and see what happens? If SS are already involved there's nothing much else I can do is there?

Positive update :D

Phoned NSPCC. They were WONDERFUL. Took down all my concerns and will make an urgent referral. They also told me to phone the nursery so I did, they're now aware I've stepped in. NSPCC took note that I'm willing to be a kinship carer despite living so far away. They have my number and hopefully SS will call me with an update soon.

Well done OP, I hope something positive comes out of it.

Aaargh >:(
Nursery just phoned back to say that social services haven't had direct involvement for a couple of months now due to the nursery being sufficient. They also told me they haven't heard from SS yesterday, despite the woman on the phone yesterday telling me they would get in contact on the same day. SS also said they currently DO have direct involvement which means I was lied to. Now I'm really pissed off. Thank god I phoned NSPCC!

Oh my what a load of incompetence! So glad your little brother has you looking out for him.
If nursery is sufficient then that's fine IF he's going but afternoons at nursery (presumably term time only) don't make up for complete neglect at home!

@drsprouce Yeah exactly, that's not a replacement for a healthy home environment ffs! Nursery have been brilliant, they said I'm allowed to phone back and check what's going on in a week or so. They remember me from the one time he went to nursery whilst I was there.

No useful advice, but just wanted to say you sound fantastic op.

You do sound fantastic. I had a slightly similar situation years ago and called the non emergency police anonymously explained what was happening and they did a visit, didn't remove the children straight away, spoke to the kids then they contacted social work and then I was given the children while the relative got the help she needed and then arranged visits between her and the children and in a matter of months they were back home and there was a happy ending. This was due to mental health, my relative wasn't a bad mum she was just unwell and couldn't give the care she wanted to but also couldn't seek that help for herself and her family. I wouldn't have known where to start with directly calling social services but I would have been so put off if I had received the same treatment as you Op well done for what you've done so far and calling on the different channels and good luck for your db

Oh well done hon !
As i said some sw are truly awful though i also know many wonderful ones. So glad the nspcc have been so helpful.
It makes me mad that people are told to report concerns but when you do you are met with indifference by some local authorities.
No doubt if he wound up seriously injured or worse the serious case review would ring its hands and say that services didnt work together to share information and this must never be allowed to happen again! ...until the next time !
Anyway i hope he is rescued soon x

Shocked at the incompetence of the SS worker you spoke to. I would file a complaint as you were lied to!

I'm so happy that the NSPCC were a better resource. Hopefully your brother can come and stay with you while the mum gets sorted. Well done for not being discouraged.

Have you made contact with the health visitor? They do home visits unannounced! This is why they are so valuable in this situation. Speak to your DB SW. Don't take No for an answer.

Report this to someone. Now.

Thanks everyone. I've spent today doing some general research on what could happen next. I may be getting ahead of myself a bit but does anyone have any info on kinship carers? Is there a specific criteria? I'm actually worried I'm too young to be his carer from a SW pov.

@Happy NSPCC did recommend I file a complaint and this was before I found out I was lied to (NSPCC weren't happy at the SS general reaction to my initial call) so I think I will but I want to speak to my DB social worker personally first. If he does have the same SW as my step sib, then she's wonderful and great at her job.

@Rinky The NSPCC, nursery and SS are all very well informed now so I don't think there's a need to ring HV too. I'm going to phone the nursery to check if they can give out details of his social worker though.

Also does anyone know how different laws re kinship care are in Scotland and England and will this create problems?

The problem is the one the. Hold is suffering. Please just report it.

Sorry...on phone

Today 19:25 nina2b

The problem is the one the child is suffering. Please just report it.

www.children1st.org.uk/what-we-do/how-we-help/kinship-care/support-for-kinship-carers/

www.kinshipcarescotland.org.uk/

OP Another angle is to report to your local SS in Scotland - I believe they will ask the relevant English SS to look into your concerns and report back to them. I have been involved with it working the other way round cross- border. Hope for your sake you're not in Argyll and Bute though!

Also There should be a complaints escalation protocol with contact details on the relevant UK Social Services department website. If you feel your concerns have not been dealt with properly or swept under the carpet you can ask for someone more senior to review it and ultimately have your concerns reviewed by an independent body if you are not happy with the Senior's response. If you put your concerns in writing they are duty bound to reply to you within a set time frame.

I am a kinship carer and I think you are trying to do a wonderful thing for your brother.
I don't know what your financial situation is but please be aware that if you take over care of DB before he is taken into care you will get no support, financial or otherwise, from ss.
This is a loophole and they call this a 'private arrangement '.
A child needs to become a looked after child before they are placed with family if they want any involvement from ss.
I fell into this trap and so did many other kinship Carers I know.
As DB is already known to ss it is possible the situation may possibly be different and you might like to contact the Family Rights Group, they have a website, for help.
Also if you do get kinship care allowance ss are quite likely to press you to take out an SGO. This again lets them off the hook. Your allowance may be reduced immediately or gradually and is often stopped completely.
A child arrangement order, used to be called a residence order, gives the carer equal parental rights as the parent and they can make the majority of decisions about the child without consulting the parent. It is a court order which states that the child must live with the carer and is enforceable by law if they are removed. It does not affect any allowances the carer receives.
A lot to think of and I hope you succeed. SS aren't bad people but like the NHS, police, schools and other government services are under severe financial constraints. Thus if you don't fit all your criteria they don't have to support you in any way.

Sorry posted without checking

Lots of silly mistakes especially your criteria instead of their

@Kr1stina I'll check out those links, thanks :)

@purpleshortcake Would this make sense as he's already under SS care in England though? And nope, in Glasgow (which actually might be worse due to the amount of children under SS here so they're probably even more overwhelmed!)

@smilingmind Okay, I was pretty much expecting the financial situation, but thanks for clarifying as info online is very vague. Would DB still be entitled to 15 free nursery hours? I've drawn up a budget assuming that he would still get them- just trying to think things through. And how does housing benefit work- would he count as a dependent child or something else? Financially I would cope, and it helps that I have a job he could come along to.
What's an SGO? Yup, a lot to think about and mentally prepare for! My job is looking after kids, but they're not survivors of neglect or abuse so this is going to be very different and whilst I know that, I do need to think of pretty much everything.

Reading through the children1st website, I think it would be a Formal Care Arrangement but he wouldn't count as a Looked-After child.

If he's entitled to 15 hours in Scotland, it shouldn't make a difference whether he's there as your child or you being his guardian/kinship carer.

If you are officially his foster carer with an allowance, you won't get Child Benefit. If however you are just looking after him as a relative you will (my DM had a related child, not one of her own DC, living with her for a short while and she was, it was just a family arrangement, no care proceedings).

I got the nursery hours, child benefit and tax credits. I think you are entitled to everything that a parent would get. So that should include hb also.
Also DLA. As you probably know children still get it. If you are not used to filling in the forms CAB are really helpful. You don't need to have a firm diagnosis to apply.
I got all those benefits before the CAO and didn't have to prove anything.
SGO is special guardianship order. Don't know much about it as I have a CAO but it gives you more parental rights than the CAO.
They are both awarded in court and the parents can oppose them.
I did the CAO myself but I had a lot of evidence to support my case and the parent didn't even attend.
I had to pick up a form from the court, fill it in, take it back, pay £100 and then got a court date around 2 months later. The court was very friendly and informal. That was 8 years ago Might be slightly different in Scotland, mine was done in Wales.
You need something like that for school, and possibly nursery although ours was great, as otherwise there may be problems with signing permission slips for outings etc.
A good GP is a must. I changed to one that was recommended as previous one more or less told me to remove dc from office as I couldn't control him. The fact that I had gone about those problems didn't seem to sink in.
We got paediatricians' appointments and then when he started school we had enough evidence for an EHCP.
Attachment disorder is certainly something to look out for.
Best wishes and happy for you to pm me if I can help in any way.

@drspouse Ok great. Will keep both of those things in mind.