CW: child neglect

[siblingproblems]

I've NC'd for this and I'll try to keep it as vague as possible as it's quite outing.

I just spent a week with my step mother and my three siblings who live a long way away as a 'break'. I've come back feeling upset, deflated and useless. SS are heavily involved with my family and the middle sibling currently lives in a foster home. My oldest sibling isn't considered to be in danger due to being over 16. DB however is a toddler and my step mum is in Special Measures with SS (think that's what it was called) and DB is meant to go to nursery every afternoon to encourage his stimulation and social skills.

However, in the week I was there, my step mum bothered to take my DB to nursery ONCE. The other days, she couldn't be bothered. His nappy was changed once-twice a day, he is fed very little and not nutritious food (I didn't see him eat any fruit or veg when I was there), he is totally understimulated and spends most of the day in a dark living room watching things on the TV whilst my step mum smokes cig after cig. He is shouted at for the smallest things and has developed a fear of adults speaking to him due to this. He very rarely goes outside for fresh air. I work with kids and he is by far one of the most unhappy children I have ever met. His speech is vastly lacking for his age and consists of mostly swear words because that's what he hears at home- he is young but will be starting reception in September '18. He isn't talked to, played with or anything and in general he is ignored unless he is being shouted at. I ended up arranging to stay with my middle sibling for the rest of the week as I just felt so, so, so upset and couldn't be around it. Especially being a survivor myself, this felt scary and sad.

SS are already 'heavily' involved (although imo they should be doing more), and I rarely see him as I live at the other end of the UK. Even if SS were to put him into foster care, I most likely wouldn't qualify as a foster carer, although of course if I was asked I would do so. I can only hope that things are better when I next visit, but for now I just feel lost, guilty, and like I should be doing more.

Is there anything I can do at this point? Do I just have to sit back and see what happens? If SS are already involved there's nothing much else I can do is there?

You could ring the nspcc helpline and report it as they would also look into things and could put pressure on ss if appropriate. Also put concerns in writing to sw their manager and copy in the director of ss and you can raise concerns to offsted if you still get no joy .
I would persist and say that you are not happy with the duty workers response. Honestly i despair at times!

@flapjackfairy oooohhhhh I like this idea! Yes I am despairing too. I'm just hoping that they're going to do more but couldn't tell me due to confidentiality or something.

Op - if you told them you were an older sibling, do you realise this isn't anonymous?

I recently reported my bil to ss. That was definitely anonymous as I give no details at all as to how I was known to him.

Ss rang my sister & she admitted what was going on in their home (physical & emotional abuse)

I never had to give my name. I actually rang out of hours on a Saturday afternoon & ss rang my sister on the Monday morning due to the ages of the six chikdren.

@Chapterandverse I didn't give them my name either and I've never been on SS records and I'm not blood related to anyone in the family other than my DB so all they know is 'older sibling'. I don't think (?) there's any way for them to track me down through that.

Goodness, what an awful situation
So frustrating that no one is listening !

I'm almost scared to call again in case SS have a go at me for it and don't take me seriously again . It probably is partially my fault as I was crying down the phone at some points. Angry at myself for being able to deal with this professionally but not in a personal capacity.

You have done nothing wrong! Dont blame yourself. You care for your brother and are naturally distressed. Ring the nspcc and ask their opinion They will be able to offer good advice and if you decide not to take it any further you have lost nothing !

No but they can tell your step mother it was you that called if you give them information about yourself.

I feel for you though and hope that whatever obstacles there are you keep looking out for your little sibling. You have great insight. Poor kid.

I think Ss are seriously failing in their responsibilities. If an anonymous complaint goes to ss here it triggers child in need meetings, Sw visits, HV meetings until all checks out satisfactorily.
The child is not being cared for by sticking in a room, no nursery. Bad food.
I would send a letter and email with list of unacceptable care so they can't claim ignorance. Contact nSPCC. I visit elderly non verbal people in homes whose care from the state is wonderful- - I can't believe GDD means treating someone like an unwanted pet.

I would call the nursery and tell them your concerns. Perhaps ask if he's been in this week? Your SM might have said he wasn't coming in because you were visiting so you need to let them know your concerns.

I agree SS have been poor.

Does it really matter if your report is anonymous?

You have to keep on and on at social services. I do some child protection within a school and we have several children you have to badger about as they are overwhelmed (ss)
Remember you can anonymously speak to the police too about doing a welfare check which will trigger ss.
What about offering to have him in the summer for a holiday?

Op this is what you do! Threshold s are so high due to budget cuts that if he's not in physical danger he's harder to be removed!

1. phone Nursery and ask them to phone the SW and report. Try to find out who the SW is!
2. DB will have a health visitor! Find the number and phone them. Tell them how concerned you are. Tell them everything!
3. Phone his SW and ask if there is a TAF (team around the family). This is meetings were all agencies share information usually monthly. Ask if he is on the child protection register. If he is he'll have a plan. If he's not ask why not because he should be! Tell them your concerns! He's not being fed properly, he's not going to nursery, he's not being changed enough, you've seen she shouts at him and he recoils from adults due to fear, is the house ok, does he have a routine (doubtful), does he sleep properly, is he dressed properly, how does your step mother discipline him, is your DB emotionally supporting your step mother, is she comforting him, meeting his needs? .....every little thing think about and tell them! Keep telling them. If possible visit more regularly and keep reporting what you find. Can you facetime/video call him at home?

Keep at the SW! You could ask for a copy of the taf meeting minutes and the co plan. I doubt you'll see it via sw! Your step mother will have it.

Well done op, this is not an easy or nice situation but you are absolutely doing the right thing by reporting (student social worker here). I agree with a previous poster- contact nursery and health visitor and keep on reporting information /concerns to the social worker. All of this information provides evidence and should be taken seriously. If you feel your concerns are not being listened to then escalate. You are doing so well, it is daunting especially when this is your family but you are definitely doing the right thing

Sorry, was on nightshift so just catching up on stuff now.

I'm about to call NSPCC. I am really nervous about contacting the nursery but I think I will after I've talked to NSPCC. I have no idea how to contact health visitor though!

Hang on, just a thought. I've spoken to my step sibling's social worker before- step sib was coming up to Scotland for a bit and was already in foster care so I had to get checked out. Are they likely to have the same social worker do you think? I don't have her number as it was almost a year ago now but I could see if my step sib could give it to me.

I really want to see if I can take him up here for the summer holidays. I work in a job I could probably take him to and it'd do him good I think. No idea if this would be agreed by all though and I can't visit more due to work.
DB does have a good sleeping routine- bed 11pm/12am and awake for 11am/12pm. So he does technically get enough sleep, just at really awful times. Obviously with a sleeping pattern like that he doesn't have much of an awake routine.

Blimey, the NSPCC hold music is a bit depressing isn't it!

What a time for the poor wee child to be going to bed.

What is GDD?

Iis your step mother interested in keeping him? Would she consider letting him live with you on a voluntary basis as you would then be a kinship foster carer? You would have to notify ss after a month i think it is but could be a good plan .
However the cynical side of me is thinking she wont want to do that as she will be eligible for extra benefits if he has additional needs!
More fag money ! I have been fostering too long ! Well cynical these days and it is true that some sw are brilliant and others are crap quite frankly.
And yes to answer your question your sisters sw may well be the same one or will certainly know who it is so worth a call.

@Chapterandverse I know :( and it's Global Developmental Delay

Global developmental delay chap !

@flapjackfairy You've hit the nail on the head. The only reason why she fought for so long for my middle sibling to stay is because they also have additional needs which meant more money. Not cynical, just realistic unfortunately.

Otherwise yes obviously the thing for me to do would be to take him in under kinship care. It is both financially and practically realistic. I know how to look after kids, it's my job, and I'm great at it. I think that's part of the frustration!

Haven't read all through thread but try here you can google the street name, number and area to get the postcode if you don't know it.

This is so sad. I can't believe they just dismissed you like that.

I've had experience of reporting to SS before and although the parent in question lied and manipulated her way out of my report, it was well handled by SS and they took it very seriously.

I hope this has a good outcome. You sound amazing

I'm a friends & family foster carer & am slightly confused by this.
The duty social worker wouldnt normally have such information at hand to (unprofessionally) divulge to you....if they're not working with the family its unlikely they would know what the plan is ams what could affect that plan. They certainly wouldnt be able to make a snap decision during a phone call that the info you have provided wont change things for the child, that's really not their call.

@Shockedshell Exactly. None of what the duty worker said made sense!