I didn't realise how crap my mother was till 6 months ago, then it came with a vengeance. It's been a shock to the system to find out just how bad she was, it took counselling and a lot of soul searching before I could confront her with what she did. That confrontation is ongoing, I only did it 3 days ago.
I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused by my stepfather, systematically for years. I wasn't the only one who suffered, my brother and sister did too, but in different ways, they weren't sexually abused, but they suffered every bit as much as I did.
After years of fear I finally spoke up to Mum and she confronted him, he admitted it and she threw him out. I was 13. Within a few weeks, she'd brought him back into the house, made him apologize and promise not to do it again, yeah that worked. The following week, he did it again, so I told her what had happened, she confronted him, he denied it and she told me I was 'just trying to split up her marriage'.
She puts me down at every opportunity, about my weight, tells me 'I'll give this to your sister, cos it won't fit you' or 'give this to sis, no point in you trying it on, you're too big' My Mother and I are the same size clothes!
She's in ill health now, through her own selfishness in continuing to smoke, she'll not be here for very much longer, yet no matter what we say to her, she continues, she won't quit.
It amazes me that we still have any contact with her, because she really was, still is a crap Mum. However I can say one thing, despite the model of a Mother that we had, my sis and I are completely different Mother's to our own children, they come first, second and third in our lives.