How would you seek forgiveness after a drunken fuck??

[Anotherbloodyday]

If you really loved your DP but you had a ONS on a drunken night out, how would you seek forgiveness from them?

If it was a stupid mistake, would you be constantly begging for forgiveness and letting your DP know how much you love them all the time? How would you start to repair that trust again?

Or would you expect your DP to forgive and forget within a couple of weeks?

I'm assuming it's your dp who cheated on you?
If he's trying to make you get over it before you're ready then he's a cunt and not really sorry tbh

I wouldn't forgive. Drunken doesn't mean it was a mistake.

Don't tell.
Be nice.
Treat it like masturbation.
Hill at dawn.
Whip own back.

I wouldn't cheat.

I definitely would not be expecting "forgive and forget" after a couple of weeks. Have you already told your DP? How did they take it? How long have you been together? Do you have children?

I know this may sound harsh, but if you really loved your DP, how could you accidentally fall on top of someone else's cock? Drunk or not, I think it hints at issues in your relationship. I know it happens, but I don't think it is at risk of happening if you are getting everything you need from your partner.

That said I wouldn't say anything unless there is the risk he may find out. The guilt should be yours to bear.

I wouldnt want begging forgiveness, or for them to expect me to get over it.

If dh cheated and we decided to stay together it would be about slowly building trust. Slowly reconnecting.

If i decided to stay i would expect dh to have already apologised. I dont see the point in continuing to apologise or begging.

I dont think the op cheated. Could be wrong but it reads to me that the ops dp has cheated and expects op tp forgive and forget

I have blacked out when drinking and so has a friend of mine. Things can happen. Blacking out is beyond drunk.

So it would depend

Don't tell him? If it was a mistake and your really not going to do it again then why cause him pain when you can just not say anything

I wouldn't forgive, I'd separate.

Same as onionknight.

I wouldn't tell in the first place

I would make plans to leave as if I were to fuck someone else I clearly didn't respect or love them enough.

I'm not the guilty one, it was DH that dtd whilst away on a business trip back in March.

I'm trying to move past it, but there just doesn't seem to be much remorse from him. I got the usual sorry and flowers, but after a couple of weeks he was back to his usual, sit with his head in his computer whilst chewing nails, self.

Maybe I'm expecting to much that's why I'm asking.

Thanks for replies so far.

Quite likely I don't understand your post

Sounds like neither of you are happy. End it. I couldn't forgive or forget.

Did he tell you?

sorry OP.

I would self flagellate for a long time, I wouldn't give up extra effort after a couple of weeks either.
I also think I'd be suggesting counselling to see if I could ensure I took steps to protect myself from being such a dick in the future.
I'd also refrain from drinking to excess.
I'd be asking my partner what I could do to reassure them.

Do NOT tolerate the 'oh you going to throw that back in my face all the time are you' if you aren't ok about it, but equally, if you are choosing to move forwards and draw a line under it, you can't keep bringing into separate equations.

Did he tell you or did you find out? There's a big difference between the two. He should be doing everything possible to help you through this. If he's not, then he doesn't care enough. Do you think you can live with what's happened? I wouldn't put myself through it again. It's a bloody awful feeling and a complete waste of life, once you, probably, eventually break up.

If he was so drunk that he shagged someone with being properly aware, he may not have taken precautions - get yourself to the STD clinic, and don't have sex with him until you know you are both clean, even if you decide you want to.

Saiman....yes but only because he thought he'd caught something and was adviced from his doctor to go for a full health check. I don't think I would have been none the wiser otherwise.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending nothing's happened. Forgiveness doesn't mean the relationship will be the same as it was before. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to stay together. Forgiveness means letting go of whatever anger or bitterness or other negative feelings you had towards him.

So I say, forgive him and then, separately, decide what you want from the relationship in future. It sounds as though he doesn't think what happened is much of a big deal. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was okay to have sex with someone else so long as he brought you flowers afterwards. Do you? I wouldn't trust someone who got drunk and had sex with someone else when he was away. Can you? Think about the reality of who he is and what it would take to rebuild your relationship. Are you both willing to do that work (sounds as if he might not be)?

I don't think it's a good idea to expect him to be begging for forgiveness all the time or whatever. But I do think it's important to explain why it was a big deal for you and the ways it's affecting your ongoing relationship.

It doesn't sound like he sees his infidelity as a big deal. That would be more of a problem for me than the fact that he had sex with someone else.
He decided to fuck someone else. He decided to torture you by telling you about it. He wants to decide how long you are upset by it. It's all about him.

Sorry, missed the bit about him thinking he'd caught something.
Do you think this is the only time?