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Original poster

How would you seek forgiveness after a drunken fuck??

82 replies

Anotherbloodyday · 09/07/2017 16:18

If you really loved your DP but you had a ONS on a drunken night out, how would you seek forgiveness from them?

If it was a stupid mistake, would you be constantly begging for forgiveness and letting your DP know how much you love them all the time? How would you start to repair that trust again?

Or would you expect your DP to forgive and forget within a couple of weeks?

OP posts:
Kaybush · 09/07/2017 19:40

*He has checked out of the marriage but just doesn't want to be the one to end it.
*
Just this.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2017 19:42

You're only 41 and definitely not too old to start again! You could have another 40-50 years of this shit,

This ^

Beastie's words are pure gold!

You are worth so much more than this - none of us can tell you what to do; this is your life and your relationship - but as beastie says you could have many decades being treated badly ahead of you. Do you want that?

And having done it and "got away with it" he will do it again and again and you are likely find your nose rubbed in his nasty behaviour every time. (I doubt it's the first time for him as well).

You are still a young woman (trust me!) and even if you were 81, personally I don't think it's worth putting with being treated like rubbish. You would be surprised how many ladies, much older than yourself, decide "enough is enough", walk out on a dead relationship, and find that their lives are immeasurably improved. Financially they may be worse off, but the peace of mind they achieve is worth millions!

RebelliousStarChild · 09/07/2017 19:45

Some don't want to end it though. They want to keep everyday life as it is and have fun on the side whenever they feel the need.
I can assure you OP this isn't his first 'mistake', that is why he has gone back to everyday normality so quickly and expects that you will just get over it.
The fact he isn't doing everything he can to insure you BOTH can get past this leaves you no choice but to leave him.

auserinamillion · 09/07/2017 19:47

Leave him. I know it's a cliche but you get one life and your gonna really regret wasting any more time with him

PerspicaciaTick · 09/07/2017 19:52

It sounds like your partner is assuming that forgiveness is a given. That it is just a case of "when" rather than "if", and that he might be able to nag you into forgiving him.

If he can't be arsed to do more than try and bully you into forgiving, he probably isn't worth forgiving.

LucieLucie · 09/07/2017 20:12

Sorry you are going through this.

I doubt it was a drunken one night thing, probably more like a deliberate seeking out of sex elsewhere but he's tried to minimise it by saying he was drunk.

He has checked out of the marriage but just doesn't want to be the one to end it.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Choose not to live a loveless life, there's nothing to end as really he's already ended the marriage without words.

Actions speak louder. Flowers

Writerwannabe83 · 09/07/2017 20:17

I could never forgive it.

I'm sorry you're in this position Flowers

TheSlowLoris · 09/07/2017 20:23

You're only 41 OP.

Do you really want another 41 years of this?

Lweji · 09/07/2017 20:46

Start what again?

I'm 45. I've just returned from a holiday with my son and it has been great.
Not that I need company to have great trips. :)

I can do exactly what I want and when I want it. These days it would take a really special person to convince me to marry or live together again.

GlitterSparkles17 · 09/07/2017 21:07

No I wouldn't forgive and definitely wouldn't forget, the only reason he told you was for health reasons, he's probably lied about the story to make it sound less than what it was and if it wasn't for the STD worry you never would have known. What a twat.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2017 21:10

There are an awful lotto people (of both sexes) who think that a woman who isn't married or at least half of a couple, is a woman to be pitied.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

A woman without a partner is someone who can please herself - do what she likes, when she likes, and not do stuff she doesn't want to do - the number of times women feel they have to cook a meal for their families when all they want themselves is a slice of toast and a cuppa tea and a sit down.

In my opinion men are only good for one thing - and be honest with yourself - just how often do you need a bathroom tiled?`

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2017 21:11

*lot of, not lotto

PetalMettle · 09/07/2017 21:13

If I did it to DH it would be over. He's very line in the sand about stuff like that.
I think you don't get to determine how long the other person is mad for if you do it

WaitrosePigeon · 09/07/2017 21:16

You deserve better than this.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyday · 09/07/2017 21:31

Thanks for all the replies.

Reading all the replies has made me really think, and I've decided to get some legal advice regarding divorce.

I shouldn't have to put up with this.

OP posts:
WaitrosePigeon · 09/07/2017 21:32

Good for you. Your new life of happiness (that you absolutely deserve) starts now. Cake

WanderingTrolley1 · 09/07/2017 21:37

It's definitely not a one-off - there will have been others.

ddssdd · 09/07/2017 21:41

He slept with another woman, unprotected, because he wanted to.

I went through this myself, op. Fucking torture. I should have forgiven and walked away, but I stayed and could not forgive.

You will always be wondering what he's up to, it's the most messed up state of mind to be in; the not knowing, the wondering, the snooping, the accusing, the resentment...it is absolute mental torture. And a part of me thought he enjoyed the result of me finding out. I became more insecure, more clingy, torturing myself with images of the women (facebook).And he never seemed to be remorseful.

But I stayed in the r'ship because I loved him. And the reason why my head was so messed up was because I wanted to believe he loved me, too; even though I knew through his actions, he didn't. This guy did it more than once. More fool me. Everything became a muddled puzzle, trying to make sense.

Sorry for waffling, open. But I feel your pain.

ddssdd · 09/07/2017 21:42

op*

FrogsLegs31 · 09/07/2017 21:44

He doesn't care whether you forgive him or forget. Your feelings are so clearly irrelevant to him Sad

He is displaying the signs of a man who can't even be arsed to break up but would quite like it if you did that hard job.

Sorry OP X

elevenclips · 09/07/2017 21:44

Sorry OP he's a nasty cheating shit.

In answer to your op, no thats 2years of full remorse on his part etc to "get over".

2 weeks - filthy arrogant bastard.

Giraffey1 · 09/07/2017 21:50

Your H cheated on you and only confessed because he had to.
He has shown no remorse and made no effort to rebuild your trust.
He doesn't care that he is in the spare room.
He doesn't show you any care, concern or affection.
He doesn't respect you.
You don't love him.

This is not a recipe for a healthy marriage.

41 is young these days, you have so much more life in front of you.
Don't be thinking that if you split, your life is over. It's just beginning!

Just because you are not with someone doesn't mean you can't be complete and whole, and enjoy life with your DC .

MommaGee · 10/07/2017 00:52

Good on you OP.

You and the kids will be happier if you're out of a relationship that makes you feel shit where DH clearly has so little respect for you

LazyDailyMailJournos · 10/07/2017 15:19

Darling, you have a reasonable life expectancy, on average, to your mid-80s - so at 41 you aren't even half-way yet! Do you honestly want to waste another 40-odd years on this wanker?

Get the legal advice, ditch the idiot and enjoy the rest of your life. I suspect that you - and your DC - will be much happier as a result.

TheNaze73 · 10/07/2017 16:47

He really is bothered about your relationship. kick him into touch