DRY 18

[vxa2]

Link to old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2841743-DRY-17

Hugs .Lou - you are doing SO well. Can you do something to slow down and distract yourself? I like listening to the Bubble Hour - they last about an hour so long enough to give me a bit of a breather. Keep posting. I saw the fiasco on Brave Babes - I have always found that thread triggery. There are ladies there who have been trying to stop since before I stopped drinking and I will be 2 years in March. If I had carried on I hate to think where I would be now.

I think I remember you from a while back ? Xx

Hi Lou, so sorry your having a sh*t time I was for a very long time there using wine as a way of coping with stress I was having at work (coming home angry & stressed out) I felt if I had a few glasses I'd be fine and after the 2nd glass I was floating but usually after finishing the bottle (because I can't just have 2glasses) I'd be annoyed crying and feeling like crap so it's a vicious cycle. Last week was the first week I haven't used alcohol to help me destress in the evenings and I think I'm able to think more clearly at work and be able to handle the crap that gets thrown at me. I've downloaded the headspace app and I'm actually enjoying it. I know this is going to be a long road but one step at a time, getting rid of any wine or alcohol from the house, would that help?

Hi Vxa2 what's bubble hour by the way??

Hi vxa2 yes I remember you well - I have been here before and I believe I am a follower of your blog (think it is you but real life names and mumsnet names are obviously different!). I have always stayed off the babes threads as in the past I have found them too triggery but tried again as Dry has seemed really quiet the last couple of months. I don't think I can stay there as drinking generally seems to be justified and "not judged". I can totally appreciate the sentiment but I don't think it is helpful to all on the thread and think it will give me some excuses and ways to justify an odd bad night or whatever...

I really must look at this bubble hour - I hear it mentioned a lot!

Take care

Hi Lou hope you are bit better now- I’m in another room catching up with McMafia so I don’t have to listen to my dh moaning about his work( I have listened and tried to help for too long!). I find walking, playing Tetris (v sad) and reading give me headspace. Read 55 books last year!

I like Bubble Hour too it’s a podcast with 3 women in recovery who address different topics and slants on sobriety.

itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-bubble-hour/id580501108?mt=2

Hers the link. I really like it - it's v American where being "in recovery" is more of a norm than it is here in the UK. They cover just about every possible topic. When I first stopped drinking I listened to them back to back. X

Lou
I pm ed you the other night -NC again.

Again I agree and I do think sometimes the justification is due to a couple of the longterm people who dont really want to stop but also sometimes people just havent reached the point where they know they have to stop.
Stay with us and if the urge strikes just do anything but reach for the booze.
It will get better and husbands are bloody annoying.
Have you been to your GP about the meno ?

Hi Lou I agree it can be a bit quiet over here but it feels a bit safer. I can't moderate and am busy saving my life right now. Lots of sad stuff going on for me and I am regularly failing to control my temper. It's unfortunate but still better than drinking.
My sobriety feels like something very precious and fragile. I really hope it will become more robust! It sounds like you're in a similar place. Remember to be kind to yourself.
Fail

vxa2 thanks for the link - I googled it last night and got to a slightly different page so the link you sent is perfect - I have downloaded some and will listen today. Travelling for business this week so will be busy on the one hand but also have more free time in the evenings without my usual routines/classes to keep me busy.

pink gotcha - thank you for the pm's they were really helpful and glad I have found some like minded people!

fail you sound like you have it tough at the moment - sorry to hear .

efc yes readubv is a good idea - I used to be a massive reader and have really lost my way on that front. I find I get a bit obsessed with sober forums and blogs and find myself reading those pages a bit too much and never picking up a book - need to change that!

I went AF for over three months in the last 15 months and then did another 3 months with very moderated intake and can't remember this anger but maybe it was there....not been to the doctor about the mene no but it is affecting a lot in my life so I might need to address it soon. I have a big job with lots of responsibility and lots of reports and I find myself getting really irritated with a lot of people which isn't good...even if they deserve the irritation I should keep a lid on it as I did in the past - I used to be really patient and understanding...

My husband does deserve my irritation however....

I will think about going to the doctor as it is really bothering me - I feel so out of kilter an awful lot of the time 😞

meno

Loubilou09 is also have the rage since chucking the booze, and am also struggling a little to reign it in...

It's taken me a wee while to work it all out in my own head - but, for me, it's more like i have found the ability to stand up for myself in a way that I never did before - but it is being perceived as me being 'grumpy'.

Like somehow i wasn't worthy when I was drinking, or somehow deserved to be treated in a lesser way because I was drinking to excess - I find it really hard to put down in actual words, what I actually feel - but it's almost part of the self harm psyche that was a big part of the drinking to excess for me... I almost deserved to be treated like/spoken to like a pile of crap because that was how i felt about myself.

So now i feel much better about myself (mostly) and the scales have fallen from my eyes in many ways - and I know that I do sound a lot more 'arsey' than I ever did before - it's just now I'm more inclined to call people out on it and they tend not to like it!! I'm not sure I really like it much as generally I will avoid confrontation at all costs, but I also feel that I have to stand my ground more - to stand up for ME more.

So whilst the anxiety levels are much lower, I do feel the rage more - it's not been all flowers and cherubs - and I'm still adjusting to my new lifestyle. And I guess to some extent those around me are too - I'm no longer that quiet compliant BGJ43 that would take the teasing, and the joking and the mild insults (cos that's what they are), who would bend over backwards to please everyone else but herself. 'No', has become more prevalent in vocabulary or 'how about plan B' rather than just agreeing to what everyone else wants/suggests.

I'm hoping it will pass as things continue to evolve - or at least I will adjust/adapt... Or maybe I will just get used to my new bad ass attitude - but even typing that sentence doesn't sound like 'me'. Maybe I'm just morphing into a grumpy old bag - i think that would suit me ;)

BUT, wine ain't gonna improve thing, life goes on and tomorrow is another day - blue Monday can go whistle!

Onwards - chocolate milk for all.....

BGJ - fantastic post...yes a lot of that resonates with me...

Travelling so not got time for a long response but great, great post

Loubilou09 I thought it was just me......

Also wonder if there’s an element of 5Stages of Grief going on?

Denial - I don’t have a problem
Anger - so annoyed it’s come to this - hate every fucker around me
Bargaining - just one wee glass?
Depression - ‘forever’ is such a long time...
Acceptance - this is how it has to be

And swinging wildly between multiple stages.....

Great posts BG
I think there is also an element of dealing with issues (or rather not dealing with them )by drinking.
This was certainly the case for me and stopping drinking meant I had to tackle the issues in my relationships which I had avoided before.
It became a case of avoid and deal with the rage/resentment that ensued by drinking.
It was not easy and I forced the issues out into the open -came to the brink of divorce .
I told my DH he had to change or it was most certainly over.
I think many of us try to avoid conflict and to be what others want us to be and crack under the pressure .
News today 3 out of 5 use alcohol to deal with pressure of life.
I probably am far more direct and if that comes across as grumpy -tough shit

Hi all - day 15 done and in the bag!

I staying away in a hotel this week which is challenging but I have done this hotel before sober and know I can do it again. Travelling for work was always a huge trigger as I convinced myself I would have trouble sleeping if I didn't drink (particularly if travelling to the US) but I have done it a couple of times now and not had problems so know I can do it this time!

I read The Sober Diaries yesterday which was really good and very useful - I am going to keep that close and dip in and out as needed.

Right need to get ready for the day (hour ahead here).

Speak later

Hi Lou hope the day went well. Sounds like you have a sober plan in place.

I’ve just ordered The Unexpected Joy of being sober- Catherine Gray. I’ll let you all know what I think.

Hope everyone is ok tonight. I’m still drying out after getting soaked by hail stones waking the dogs.

efc1878 - snap! reading The Unexpected Joy of being sober too - started it tonight.

Didn't go out with the rest of my team in the end as feeling a bit triggery, but have tracked down some 0% Bavaria beer and slugging that whilst reading the book - all is good :)

Well done lou, good move. If anyone is looking for sober fiction, my favourites are Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes and Summer Secrets by Jane Green. Eleanor Oliphant is Perfectly Fine is also an excellent read with a hint of a drinking element but so much more.

Went shopping tonight and looked at New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and remembered how much I liked it - or believed I did. It's weird that even after so long looking at the bottle can make my mouth water - makes me feel a bit gross actually.

Well done Lou hope you enjoy a restful night now!

vxa thanks for the suggestions I have Eleanor Oliphant on my kindle wish list I’m going to buy that- heard so many good things about it.

Day 10. Struggling a bit tonight, crap day at work but will try to ride it out. Eleanor Oliphant's completely fine is very good efc, I read it over Xmas, really enjoyed it.

vxa - I have read Rachel's holidays and Summer Secrets in the past but probably read them in a completely different light as didn't see myself as having a problem back then. Will definitely read them again.

As you know I am travelling with work this week and it hasn't been too bad! Really tired still even though I am sleeping fairly well. Okay didn't sleep brilliantly last night but think I must have had about 6.5 hours of sober sleep and yet feel like death warmed up today.....

The whole detox/sleeping and settling back down is an interesting one. I think it took me 2-3 months before I felt normal and detoxed last time Actually during that 3 month AF period I am not sure whether I was really feeling properly normal then to be honest......I then had a few drinks over a 2 week period and then have another 3 months AF and started feeling really healthy towards the end of that second three months. I then drank weekends only for about 6 months and it was a stupid merry go round of drinking Friday and Saturday or Saturday and Sunday and then spending the next 5 days getting over it. I would sleep on night 1 (pure exhaustion from hangover and lack of sleep from night before) and then not sleep well on nights 2 and 3 and then was just starting to sleep properly on days 4 and 5 only to mess it all up and drink again on the Friday or Saturday and then feeling like absolute crap once again......total and utter madness......(shakes head)....I really want to give it a long long period of time and see what its like to feel completely and utterly detoxed and normal...that would be amazing!

Another of my colleagues is also doing "Dry January" and he gave in and had wine last night apparently, which has made me even more determined that I won't be joining him in falling off the wagon. I am reading "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" which I am having mixed feelings about - wondered what everyone else thinks of it?

Keep on keeping on everyone!

Morning everyone.

I started Joy of being Sober last night- feels like a tale I’ve heard before- very similar to other drinking books. Not keen on all the name dropping- I’m sure it’s not intended but comes across as glamourising and making a funny story out of her drinking.

I haven't read the Sober Diaries for a similar reason. Sober Mummy lives in a different world from most people - privileged upbringing, second home in Scotland etc etc. I did find her blog helpful in the early days but I felt a bit disillusioned when I realised she is not as like me as I first thought. I'm sure she's lovely though and if her book helps people it can only be a good thing.

I quite liked Sober Diaries and felt like I could connect with the author on some levels (not because of having second houses in Scotland you understand!), being a mother, doing the school run, the regular mundane and hum drum of life.... However The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober seemed way too far fetched and a little bit of an exaggerated play on the "story". The author talks about her crippling alcohol addiction, the need for alcohol all day long at the end, the staying up in bars all night long, many nights of the week to get her alcohol fix, her totally wild and carefree reliance on these buckets and buckets of booze which are making her shake constantly blah blah blah. Then when she first quits she says in the first 30 days her tracker calculates that she has not drunk 28 bottles of wine....28 bottles? yes it is a lot in a month but it is less that 1 a day and I wouldn't necessarily correlate that with the problems earlier in the book...all seems a little OTT and a bit far fetched. The other issue I had was she was supposed to be this complete wreck who had lost her whole life and wellbeing to alcohol, however in the first 30 days when she gave up can manage to run 12k and do 90 minutes of hot yoga - anyone tried either of those? It takes time, effort (and a lot of it) to get to those sorts of distances/times for both activities so she must have been practicing some sort of restraint at some point and been exercising fairly regularly. It all seems far too much of an exaggerated story if you ask me....

Anyway, this is the last night of my business trip. It all feels a little celebratory as we have had a good week, it is Thursday, there are lots of us here all going out for dinner tonight. It will be a struggle but I have told everyone that I am doing Dry January so I would look a complete idiot if I caved tonight. Plus I dont want to cave, I really don't...