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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 18

890 replies

vxa2 · 07/07/2017 09:16

Link to old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2841743-DRY-17

OP posts:
misscookie · 01/01/2018 23:32

Hi all, 2 years soberversary today. Smile
I can barely believe it - but feel very proud.
I haven't been on this thread for over a year, but it really helped me in the beginning.
Life is incredible without alcohol - so happy I gave up. I can't see myself ever drinking again. I NEVER thought I'd hear myself saying that!
Happy New Year everyone Smile

misscookie · 01/01/2018 23:35

Big congrats likeahurricane I remember we were just a few days apart weren't we.

vxa2 · 02/01/2018 11:10

Congratulations misscookie StarStarStarStar I remember you. I have just made it to 21 months - will be 2 years at the end of March !!

I am glad you feel proud - so you should. It's a huge acheivement. Sometimes I forget that when I'm thing about myself and tend to focus on how I allowed it to get so bad.

I don't post here all that often although I do check in from time to time. I am good friends with lilybetsy who is 3 weeks ahead of me - she's my "Sober Sister" !!

Congratulations again 🙂🌟

OP posts:
misscookie · 02/01/2018 14:17

Congrats for March Vx2a and Lilybetsy - I remember you both! March is only round the corner.
I rarely think about why/how I let it get so bad anymore, but instead I can see how much alcohol is pushed on us by corporate advertising and our belief system and social experiences. It is ingrained in the fabric of our society. It is little wonder with this strong influence that many people have a problem with alcohol. You should feel proud you've had the sense, strength and courage to find a way out of the maze. Well done!!

failagainfailbetter · 02/01/2018 21:54

misscookie 'Life is incredible without alcohol' - LOVE this! It has told me that stopping drinking is a gift that grows & grows. 8 days AF and feeling like I have a future :-) Thank you & congratulations!!

BGJ43 · 03/01/2018 10:00

Booze, and the social acceptability of overindulgence, is everywhere... I really noticed it when I chucked it! An average scroll thru social media will show prosecco and gin absolutely everywhere...

But I’ve also found a bunch of sober or occasional drinkers out there too - they just tend not to be shouting about it!! “So sober last night, can’t believe how much I’m not dying today’ posted no one ever...

So we can keep shouting it, whispering it, living it - others will follow, others will make themselves known.... embrace the designated drivers!

Onwards

FuzzyWhiteLegs · 03/01/2018 12:41

Woohoo.... vxa, hurricane, Lily, MissCookie and any other sober warriors I have missed.... congratulations on your sober achievements!!! It’s so wonderful to see so many familiar names still here, still sober. It hasn’t been an easy journey for any of us I am sure, but the benefits of sobriety shine through in your posts, and I appreciate mine every single day.

Just a flying visit for me right now, but I’ll pop back in soon with more - my life is unrecognisable now from when I was drinking - better in every way imaginable...

Day 970 and counting...

Love and strength to those just starting on this journey, or struggling. Be kind to yourselves Flowers

Saywhen · 03/01/2018 14:06

It's so odd. Saying you don't drink in our culture is such an unacceptable thing to do. One of my in laws who's Facebook feed is always full of alcohol and gin o'clock type crap was noticeably disappointed when I said I wasn't drinking. After she left she put something on Facebook about how all the best people drink wine.

The longer I do af. The better I feel. The more ridiculous alcohol is looking to me. Feeling like I can see a like without alcohol. Can't tell you what a good feeling that is. Alcohol has been a 20 year shit abusive influence that has been such a waste of time.

Day 61 af. Feeling positive.

donajimena · 03/01/2018 16:27

Hello all. Its lovely to see all these success stories especially those who started on my last attempt and carried on where I didn't.
I could kick myself to be honest. I saw the Jason Vale book being talked about back then and I didn't buy a copy.
I bought it November and it all clicked. I'm mad with myself for wasting those two years.
On the plus side I'm in a different place with my thoughts on alcohol now. I actually feel free and happy at an alcohol free life. 7 weeks for me. Nearly 8.
After a night out where I shook my sober booty for most of it the final box was ticked (things I worried I couldn't enjoy without a skinfull) and I know I never need a drink again.

Saywhen · 03/01/2018 16:40

donajimena so ive seen that book mentioned a lot is it an essential? Honestly if I order it will arrived (obviously....) then il have something in my home that will out me. I've still not told anyone how concerned I was/am, how bad things got. I've not been honest about the reasons for stopping.

donajimena · 03/01/2018 21:04

The book is called 'kick the drink easily' and doesn't scream I'm a lush Grin
I'd say its a game changer. You can download too if you want to be discreet.
I honestly never thought I'd be dry... and happy

Saywhen · 04/01/2018 09:42

donajimena thanks right put back in Amazon basket.......

BGJ43 · 05/01/2018 08:49

Morning All,

Feeling utterly utterly flat today... sober, but utterly flat!

A combination of smaller things coming together to side swipe me... starting with 'secret santa' asking if i had drunk the champagne they had bought... i have discussed more than once with this person, and i am confident that that is the case, and they denied all knowledge insisting they would never have bought me champagne if they had known - so whilst i was already sightly miffed at having been gifted champagne from someone i had told about my drinking (and subsequent stopping), I was further irked by the fact she clearly doesn't listen to a single word i say... followed by a round of self flagellation as i know that this person is all about themselves... When will i ever learn?!?!? #tryingtobethebetterperson

A training outing which went OK, but conditions were tough - actually thought we (it's a two person thing) did pretty well all things considered but found the debrief a little bruising with my training partner coming away with some pretty narcissistic comments which I've only really put two and two together about after brooding about it overnight. Really starting to see through his utterly charming exterior to the self centered man inside - and i think he knows i am starting to see him for what, or who, he is and is increasing using jovial teasing, joshing and mild put downs in an 'attack being the best form of defense' sort of way... I have started to call him on it and i am 'grumpy'... I even had the self awareness to correct him that actually i wasn't grumpy, that having chucked the drink I had actually lost my self doubt and was feeling increasingly sure of myself and my thoughts - he had no answer for that...

I should feel pleased that I have 'found my voice' but struggling a little with how that has changed my relationships along the way - I do need to reflect(a little) on how I handle my new found 'no shit' attitude without alienating those around me. Or accept that they will take a little while to adapt to sober, assertive me!

BFF moved 350 miles away last year for work and is hating it - it's very hard to watch, to try and support from so far away. I'm still grieving in some ways for the lost of the daily contact we had - i just want to say to her to come back, but i know that's not an option... So a lot of listening, trying to say the right things, trying not to push the brutal truth too much, or at least try and time it for when i think she can cope with hearing it - cos sometimes we all need that, and not wish for something that isn't possible...

Other friend flattened by the not unexpected death of her DF...

My name is BGJ43,and I am feeling decidedly sorry for myself..... And what does this rant have to do with DRY18? I am today 403 days sober, but the problems and issues I blamed for my drinking haven't gone away, and in many ways it's harder to deal with them - because I am dealing with them, not simply blacking it all out with drink. Today doesn't feel like my finest hour, but the one think I am sure of is that a bottle of wine won't improve things...

If you've got this far, thanks for hanging in there... sometimes we all just need to vent..........

Onwards, ever onwards,
X

BGJ43 · 05/01/2018 08:51

and tomorrow is another day...

vxa2 · 05/01/2018 14:29

BGJ43 hugs. I wish I could hug you irl but it will have to be virtual.

This getting sober business can be tough with all kinds of unexpected bumps in the road - usually catching me completely unawares when everything seemed to be going swimmingly.

I can really identify with what you have said about finding your voice. I often feel as if I have become more stroppy now I don't drink but actually it's more that I no longer take all the shit I put up with when I was drinking. It's a good thing and anyone who doesn't like the new stronger me can get F off ( I said I am stroppy!!)

When you say

Today doesn't feel like my finest hour, but the one think I am sure of is that a bottle of wine won't improve things..

You are showing amazing insight and strength. Can you imagine thinking that way 403 days ago ? You are doing brilliantly. You are strong and determined, passionate and kind. I am sorry about the struggles your friends are facing but take comfort from the fact that you are being the best friend you can be and if you were still drinking that wouldn't be the case.

Big hugs. Take care and keep posting. 🌻x

OP posts:
BGJ43 · 06/01/2018 12:03

vxa2 your reply arrived as I was sitting in a car park crying... overwhelmed and unable to quash it anymore.... fortunately I was in the car park because I was meeting my training partner - every ounce previously put into not cancelling our outing....

Now my training partner is a strapping, no nonsense, military, stiff upper lip type chap and crying women really take him out of his comfort zone - only made worse I think if someone mentions periods... so he was a little unsure how to handle this one as I do try and keep emotions out of training as much as possible...

He suggested we go for coffee, I suggested we did 30 min of training... we trained, then coffee!! And I felt a bit better!!

I did my standard kettle bell session with the girls, had a bath, did yoga and then bed.... all very rock n roll, but importantly all very self care.... so looking after me, even if that means peanut cluster cereal for dinner 😉

Today another training session, debrief over breakfast with the team... almost back to my old self... but aware I need to keep going with the self care, not dwell on the bad days and keep looking forward, not back!!

Off grocery shopping, and I can bet there will be a can of skooshy cream to upspec my hot chocolate - L’Oréal, I’m worth it.

Thanks for listening, thanks for replying.... onwards xx

Pinkpeppermintteaforme · 06/01/2018 12:13

BG743
Dont beat yourself up about the "secret santa" be fucking furious !Angry
This person obvs knows you are AF otherwise they wouldnt have asked you if you had drunk it .
Really rotten thing to do.

BGJ43 · 06/01/2018 13:52

Just really thoughtless... but sums the individual up perfectly!! Recycled it as a birthday present, so not all bad....

Pinkpeppermintteaforme · 06/01/2018 14:46

It sounds deliberate rather than thoughtless BG

SS is supposed to be a secret
You had clearly told them you dont drink
Why would they ask if you had drunk the Champagne ?
Strange question if they really were unaware .
Conclusion-they have issues about you not drinking -not your circus Grin
Yeah thats always handy !

BGJ43 · 06/01/2018 16:22

Unfortunately this person has upset me more than once with their self centred-ness.... actually fairly nasty, I should know better...

I DO love that you are indignant on my behalf... made me feel much less precious about it all!

Time for a wee herbal tea

X

Pinkpeppermintteaforme · 06/01/2018 16:46
Grin Loath people who do this sort of deliberate shite but have developed the ability to "grey rock" them . Brew good idea -its freezing here
Bapsorbarms11 · 07/01/2018 10:44

Hi everyone, hope you don’t mind me joining. Smile

I’ve decided I need to become sober. Cut long story short, suffering with depression and realised that alcohol is making me suffer worse.

Day 3 today of no alcohol. I can do This. First weekend in a long time I’ve not drank!

Be great to have done virtual hand holding.

WhiteWinterWitch · 07/01/2018 11:07

Good morning everyone, can I join you all. I have had my last bottle of wine last night. I can't keep doing this, the drink has to go. So today will be the first day. I have tried before and given in, 2 weeks has been my longest dry spell. But I'm seriously going to try this time, I really want to stay sober. I have to, its getting out of hand and the consumption over Christmas was shameful. Will look forward to Saturday & Sunday morning's again, feeling clear headed and not full of guilt. I'm not going to think about my social circle just yet (they'll be shocked no doubt, a lot of big wine drinkers who will say I'm being over dramatic) I will just take the next few days one at a time. Thanks for reading.

Pinkpeppermintteaforme · 07/01/2018 12:24

Welcome to the thread !
I wont tag as lots have joined and I might miss someone .

In the early days its essential to set up new habits -have a bath,plan your evening -film or book?
Get some nice AF drinks in.
As alcohol is a depressant Baps it will only make you feel worse
Btw its a bread roll in these parts WinkGrin

Bapsorbarms11 · 07/01/2018 15:20

I’ve downloaded the Jason Vale book, started to read it. Hopefully it’ll help too

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