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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 18

890 replies

vxa2 · 07/07/2017 09:16

Link to old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2841743-DRY-17

OP posts:
BGJ43 · 18/11/2017 16:01

My GP was kinda pushy about Antabuse, but I declined... I wouldn’t rule it out, but it wasn’t for me... Confused

DingleBerries · 18/11/2017 16:09

Can I ask why?

For me when I’m pregnant or on Metronidazole alcohol doesn’t cross my mind because its not an option.

I figure Antabuse will work until I work through the reasons why I drink.

Although I’m worried about it being seen on my file and being assumed I’m a chronic alcoholic. Which I’m not. That being the very thing I’m trying to avoid...

BGJ43 · 18/11/2017 16:22

I didn’t feel like I needed it.... I think I’d reached the point when I knew What I needed to do...

BGJ43 · 18/11/2017 16:23

But everyone’s journey is different, and we all need something individual...

DingleBerries · 18/11/2017 16:44

How did you do it BG?

BGJ43 · 18/11/2017 17:13

I hit a real low point, felt the whole’drinkibg’ thing was spiralling out of control, was consuming 100-140 units a week.... and came to the point where I didn’t want it (the life of a drinker, not the drink) anymore.... I’d been battling with the decision for a long time, procrastinating on an epic level...... I’m an all or nothing kinda girl, so I drink it all or none... it somehow reached a critical point and enough was enough.

And I chatted here a LOT as it really helped, a safe, anonymous place.... my GP also keen on physical support groups, but again I didn’t feel it was for me, but orhers have really benefited from it....

The hardest bit, making the decision

doolaadoo · 19/11/2017 07:56

Hi all,
I’ve been reading for a while but now it’s time to show my face and address things.

Ive been married 20 years and through this miserable existence Ive had periods of not drinking at all to drinking a lot ( easily 1.5 bottles of wine a night or 1/2 bottle of gin ). This hasn’t sat easily with me which is why I regularly stop and try and get a grip. My main problem is my H is an alcoholic and when I’m trying to address my own intake, he will encourage me by saying things like “ you’re more fun when you’re drunk “ or “ you’ve had a hard day, I’ve bought you some gin “ which, I inevitably drink. Drink is his answer to everything, had a bad day= drink, had a good day = drink , it’s Friday = drink, it’s a day of the week with an A in it = drink.

To an extent my appalling marriage issues are numbed when I drink. I feel high and carefree, until I wake up feeling like crap and can’t function until the afternoon.

My kids are both teenagers, they know their dad has a drink problem ( 8 cans of beer a night, a congratulatory bottle of beer in the car on the way home from Work and then half of what I’m having, wine or gin ). My drinking is kept to late at night, not when they are around though they have seen me drunk.

Anyway, my marriage is finally dead. I’ve asked him to leave which he tells me he will. I can’t continue this farce anymore. So now it’s so important I keep sober and clear minded. I don’t want to slip into the habit of rewarding a shit day with a bottle of wine because I’m thinking there are going to be lots of shit days.

My last drink was yesterday when I had 2 G&Ts then went onto milk. I can’t afford to have have a weak moment now ( and I know that my H will encourage me.....he’s pretty damn manipulative) I need to think ahead.

So it starts now.........

Whatevermaybe · 19/11/2017 10:31

Hi Lily, sorry for not replying yesterday as I drank on Friday. I am currently off on maternity and because my partner came home with beer I wanted wine. I again regretted it yesterday as felt shit. I did manage to take older kids to see Paddington 2 last night so the day wasn’t a complete waste. As for triggers it’s when I feel good, bad, bored the list goes on. I can’t really speak to anyone in RL as it’s not the easiest thing to say to friends (I have an issue with drink). Anyway hope everyone is is doing ok. Day 2 again Sad

BGJ43 · 19/11/2017 11:08

Triggers/rewards - I switched it up.... im a big fan of chocolate milk but would never buy it cos it was bad for me.... (amd 8 gallons of booze a week is?) so I swapped it out, and rewarded my sober ness with chocolate milk, it really did feel like a treat... and the calories were the least of my worries, I lost weight anyway!!

Had a good day - chocolate milk, had a bad day - chocolate milk.... elderflower presse in a champagne flute if feeling really indulgent, or in a short glass with lime if in company of gin drinkers - it looks the same so I felt less ‘odd one out’

Whatevermaybe · 19/11/2017 13:42

I do like hot chocolate so that could be something I can try. My friends are all drinkers but they have the magic stop button. I just need to stock up on sober treats. This thread and the babes bus helped before so I just need to check
In more often. Sorry if this sounds me me (I’m honestly not that self absorbed Wink) I’m away out to do some food shopping so catch you all later.

Whatevermaybe · 19/11/2017 17:27

Hi doolaa, my partner drinks a lot and he is fine the next day and can function where as I take at least 2 days to feel better. I have ran a bath and away to have a nice roast with the trimmings. My partner was going to be drinking but because I said I’m definitely not he’s now not bothered. Day 2 just about done Smile

Ladywillpower · 19/11/2017 17:51

Can I join too? Been drinking too much for long & it's all or nothing with me. Day one & I'm going to try & live up to my user name 🙄

DingleBerries · 19/11/2017 19:19

Ladywillpower you need to read Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Drinking.

No will power involved and 96% success rate.
I recommend it.

My first weekend is out the way, thankfully very easy apart from one wobble but I didn’t give in.

By now I’d be pretty spannered and asleep by 9pm. But instead I’ll be awake to watch I’m A Celeb with DH at 9pm.

puttingthegenieback · 19/11/2017 22:38

doola I hope you are going to bed at the end of your first sober day! Congratulations on taking an enormous step forward and I hope into a new reality. I hope too that it will be easier for you not to drink without your husband there to egg you on.

durgha · 19/11/2017 22:49

Thanks, Genie, you've certainly given me inspiration. I'm a fat, fifty- something with an unhealthy habit, and I want to believe that giving up will be possible/worth it. x

Tigerpaws57 · 20/11/2017 02:47

I have been reading these threads for months knowing that i have a terrible problem with drink but never having the guts to tackle it. Always been a heavy drinker but its got out of control in the last few years. At least a bottle of wine a day at home, sneaky drinks before guests come round, hidden bottles, whole day binges when i get the house to myself. My whole world has shrunk as i have no energy or interest in anything anymore. I have known I needed to change for ages. Tonight I have had the most horrendous, humiliating experience. Went out with DP and I got totally and completely pissed. Could hardly walk and collapsed on the drive, shouting and swearing at DP and neighbours came out to see what was going on. I am so horrendously ashamed and mortified. I know i MUST stop drinking. But at the moment I don't know how I can possibly face everyone again and all I want to do is sink another bottle of wine and make the world go away. I know I am a disgrace and a weak and pathetic person. Does anyone have any advice on how I can find the courage to face up to this horrible mess and take the first steps to change?

lilybetsy · 20/11/2017 09:40

Tigerpaws I really feel for you. I have been there, you CAN change and It can be ok...

LOTS of ideas, and I will be back in a couple of hours. In the meantime, if you need a distraction Have a read of my blog .. www.alcoholfree2016.com . Start at the beginning its more alcohol related there x

Lilyx

doolaadoo · 20/11/2017 13:00

Thanks @puttingthegenieback it was a successful night, completely sober though from past experience it’s day 3 and 4 that are the tough ones.
Today I’m making an effort to change my routines, ie, shopping now rather than after the school run so I’m not tempted to buy drink. In fact I’m doing it online so I don’t have to see any isles of drink.
Feeling positive today. Ready this thread is very inspirational and reassuring that it’s not just me stuck. Thank you all xxx

puttingthegenieback · 20/11/2017 13:44

Congrats doola! You can do it. You really can. durgha and doola and tigerpaws, I feel as if I have been more or less where all of you are, so I am cheering you on. Believe me, dragging myself away from the crutch/enabler/anesthetist/companion of alcohol has been difficult, but it is so, so worth it. Only someone who has walked in our shoes can understand the choices you make and the things you risk in your life by continuing to drink v deciding to stop. I very nearly hit bottom in all of my personal relationships and in terms of my physical well-being - I really do think I would have drunk myself to death eventually. Secret drinking was first my friend and then my enemy.

When I was first stopping drinking, I read something in the Brave Babes thread that advised just getting through the urge to drink moment by moment, and I found that that really helped: the moment always passes, and eventually you do have fewer and fewer of them.

bakingbee · 20/11/2017 13:59

I need to join you ladies! Have been struggling for many years with excessive drinking spiral - tried moderating but doesn’t work for me as can’t just have 1 drink. Very much all or nothing. Can stop drinking for extended periods but always then decide I don’t have a problem as I’ve managed x amount of time not drinking and then I start again and it quickly becomes a spiral. Incredibly frustrating!!

I am now telling self I am an alcoholic and another drinking spiral will damage my health.

I stopped drinking 29th October so few weeks into it. Trying to avoid counting the days like I normally do, instead taking each day and choosing not to drink. Don’t ever want to ‘start again’ iyswim. So I’ll keep being inspired by you lovely ladies and continue to take each day as it comes.

Whatevermaybe · 20/11/2017 17:24

Evening all (if you are in UK) I’m coming to the end of Day 2. I’m already in the bath but my partner not home from work but is stopping by the shops for some beer. He’s phoned and asked if I want to go but that would mean getting out the bath and dressed again. So going to have a Chinese for a treat (not that I need it just better than having a drink). Great to see this thread up and running again and knowing we are on on the same page. I have big plans tomorrow - clearing out my daughters room and certainly couldn’t do that hungover 😫

Whatevermaybe · 21/11/2017 07:32

Morning all, my last drink was Friday so I am actually on day 4. Today I will not be drinking. How’s everyone else doing? Day 4/5 is usually tricky for me.

drainsup · 21/11/2017 07:51

I've got a bit of a habit too. I didn't drink yesterday and I know I won't today.

I feel poisoned at the moment and it's all to do with alcohol.

For me, it's a stress and reward cycle. Feel I deserve it. One is never enough and I drink till I sleep. In the last year, I've gone from being a happy, silly drunk to one that ends up in tears and in public. My body shape has changed and I look puffy in the face with a drinkers belly.

I'm not painting a good picture but sitting on my daily commute with a clear heeds means I can see life how it has become.

doolaadoo · 21/11/2017 08:00

Day 2 complete! Hooooorrahhhhhh! I’ve actually woken with a bit of energy. Now I’ve just got to fill my day with exciting, stimulating activities to keep my brain happy such as......Work and washing up and laundry 😩
Yesterday I bought a tonne of fresh turmeric to make pepper tea, which from past experience is damn good stuff for settling sore, wine battered stomachs and makes you sleepy too.
Recipe should anyone be interested
Warm milk up gently, do not boil. Add freshly grated turmeric, a little honey, a sprinkle of cinnamon, a pinch of black pepper ( this is key to helping the body absorb the awesome properties of turmeric). You can pretty much put whatever you want in this as long as it contains turmeric and black pepper. Enjoy!

doolaadoo · 21/11/2017 08:04

Hi @drainsup Nothing worse than feeling like your body is swimming in drink. I detest waking with a red wine mouth and bloated tummy.
Try the pepper tea, it’s great for reducing swollen stomachs and battered livers!
Good luck today.