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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've done something really shitty. Should I confess?

101 replies

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 17:53

I have done something that is really immature and shit for a 30 something year old woman, I am feeling really ashamed Blush

To give some back story, I met a man online a few months ago and we dated for 5 months. During this time it was extremely intense, he was extremely complimentary towards me, talked about our future together, saw each other very regularly, I introduced him into my home. We also had sex without a condom which is something I am very meticulous about but I really felt I had a future with this guy (I made sure he showed me proof of an up to date STI test prior to this of course).

It turned out that he had still been going on the dating site in which we met throughout our 'relationship' and had been picking up women for sex. At least 5 that I know of. It seems to be his game that he picks up women on these dating sites and has a string of us on the go at once. When I confronted him about this as he had led me on, as well as putting my sexual health at risk, he rebuffed saying 'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I?' I found this out 2 weeks ago and didn't talk to him.

So here is the part where I did something really shit. My friend and I were sharing a bottle of wine on Friday evening and I was upset about this whole situation. In our giddy state we made a fake online dating profile using her pictures to lure him in. We then arranged for the two of them to go on a date on the Sunday evening. Come the Sunday evening, he went to the arranged meeting spot and we then messaged him from the profile saying that 'she'd seen him and decided not to approach him as he was far uglier and heavier than his pictures, and he should use more up to date ones to avoid tricking women.' Blush Yes it was immature and I feel really stupid now.

Today he called me out of the blue and told me of the experience he had over the weekend and that it knocked him for six. He told me that he feels terrible for treating me so cruelly as well as the other women, and he is no longer going to do any online dating as his confidence is in tatters and he didn't realise he could feel this shit about himself.

I feel even more terrible for what I have done now. Should I confess and tell him that it was me and my friend? Or keep quiet about it? What he did to me and the other women was really shit but I am generally not a vengeful woman.

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 05/07/2017 17:55

Well you did a shit thing.

But. You did it to teach him a lesson, and he seems to have learned.

Don't tell him.

But don't do anything like it again.

Fairylea · 05/07/2017 17:55

Oh god just forget about it, sounds like he deserved a bit of a metaphorical slap anyway. Have some Wine and try not to dwell on it too much, he'll live.

ChocolateButton15 · 05/07/2017 17:56

Keep quiet and don't see him again! You will look like a crazy person admitting to that, it's best forgotten!

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 05/07/2017 17:56

Don't tell him!

RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 17:57

d he is no longer going to do any online dating as

Good. Though he wasn't really dating was h? He was online shagging.
Do not tell him he truth. I doubt he's seriously giving up,more like looking for a stroke for his ego when he messaged you and maybe a pity shag.
Out of curiosity,have you checked his profile? Is it still active?

flapjackfairy · 05/07/2017 17:58

Yes he got what was coming to him. Forget it and move on !

BadHatter · 05/07/2017 17:58

What was it that he did that was shit? See other people during a non exclusive time between you two?

Bullying is never the right answer.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/07/2017 17:59

Yeah, don't tell him about that, you'll sound nuts. I still secretly admire your sneakiness though Blush

9GreenBottles · 05/07/2017 17:59

It was mean and petty revenge, but with some provocation given what he did to you (and others). I would keep quiet.

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 18:00

BadHatter Prior to having sex with him without a condom, I had told him that I was only willing to do so if he agreed to sleep exclusively with only me.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 18:01

@BadHatter what OP did was not bullying.
I don't even think it was particularly shitty tbh,but that's just me.

EezerGoode · 05/07/2017 18:01

Well deserved.well done

9GreenBottles · 05/07/2017 18:02

BadHatter Asking to see an up to date STI check is a pretty fair indication that you don't see it as a non exclusive relationship.

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 18:02

RebelRogue No I haven't checked to see if his profile is still active, I daren't even go on the site!!

OP posts:
Rinkydinkypink · 05/07/2017 18:03

Forget it and move on. He was abit of a shit!

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2017 18:04

Don't tell him. Just block and move on. He's probably phoning all the woman and telling them as he suspects it's one of them, he's clearly arrogant enough to not believe it was true. He thinks you bear a grudge so he's seeing if you'll come clean.

As for him, did he lead you to believe you were exclusive? Or did you just assume?

Ginlovinglady · 05/07/2017 18:05

Sounds like he got was coming to him
Doesn't even sound that bad to me.
But clearly you need to walk away now

PoorYorick · 05/07/2017 18:05

You shouldn't have done it but I'm struggling to feel sorry for him.

Spadequeen · 05/07/2017 18:05

Hahaha. Good for you.

Am loving all these stories of people sticking up for themselves.

He so wanted you to stroke his ego, fuck that. Glad he apologised to you but I wouldn't believe he was serious.

No need to admit anything

wherearemymarbles · 05/07/2017 18:06

I think that was a class bit of revenge.

I suspect you werent the only one he emailed either!!!

Fairylea · 05/07/2017 18:08

If it makes you feel better op I created a fake Facebook profile for a "new bloke" when I was trying to get back at an awful ex - and he was really awful. I made the profile completely private and friends private etc and only added myself onto it and this fake dude would comment on all my stuff and made me look really witty and amazing BlushBlush I cringe at it all now, that was 8 years ago or so but I was still old enough to know better. Ah well. Sometimes the posts come up in my "on this day" page on Facebook and I cringe at myself so much. Grin

NachoAddict · 05/07/2017 18:08

I think he suspects you and contacted you to see if you confess.

RebelRogue · 05/07/2017 18:08

@ShouldIConfess you should check. I have a feeling you won't feel so bad after.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2017 18:08

Meh. What's the big fucking deal ? A taste of his own medicine could only be a bitter one.

But why are you still in contact with him ? Confused

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 18:10

AnyFucker I am not in contact with him and hadn't spoken to him at all prior to the out of the blue phone call today.

OP posts: