Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've done something really shitty. Should I confess?

101 replies

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 17:53

I have done something that is really immature and shit for a 30 something year old woman, I am feeling really ashamed Blush

To give some back story, I met a man online a few months ago and we dated for 5 months. During this time it was extremely intense, he was extremely complimentary towards me, talked about our future together, saw each other very regularly, I introduced him into my home. We also had sex without a condom which is something I am very meticulous about but I really felt I had a future with this guy (I made sure he showed me proof of an up to date STI test prior to this of course).

It turned out that he had still been going on the dating site in which we met throughout our 'relationship' and had been picking up women for sex. At least 5 that I know of. It seems to be his game that he picks up women on these dating sites and has a string of us on the go at once. When I confronted him about this as he had led me on, as well as putting my sexual health at risk, he rebuffed saying 'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I?' I found this out 2 weeks ago and didn't talk to him.

So here is the part where I did something really shit. My friend and I were sharing a bottle of wine on Friday evening and I was upset about this whole situation. In our giddy state we made a fake online dating profile using her pictures to lure him in. We then arranged for the two of them to go on a date on the Sunday evening. Come the Sunday evening, he went to the arranged meeting spot and we then messaged him from the profile saying that 'she'd seen him and decided not to approach him as he was far uglier and heavier than his pictures, and he should use more up to date ones to avoid tricking women.' Blush Yes it was immature and I feel really stupid now.

Today he called me out of the blue and told me of the experience he had over the weekend and that it knocked him for six. He told me that he feels terrible for treating me so cruelly as well as the other women, and he is no longer going to do any online dating as his confidence is in tatters and he didn't realise he could feel this shit about himself.

I feel even more terrible for what I have done now. Should I confess and tell him that it was me and my friend? Or keep quiet about it? What he did to me and the other women was really shit but I am generally not a vengeful woman.

OP posts:
QuestionARhino · 05/07/2017 19:03

Pfft I did a bit of an internal celebration after reading your cunning plan! Grin

DeleteOrDecay · 05/07/2017 19:03

You know what? He deserved it. He is a scumbag. He put your sexual health at risk by lying, and then goes on to tell you he wanted to see who was the best shag before settling for one womanConfused talk about having his cake and eating it!

Sounds like he has zero redeeming qualities.

If he's fallen for it then good. Maybe it will make him realise that how he treats women is not okay.

If he suspects it's you or one of his other conquests, never admit it. He won't be able to prove its you anyway, deny deny deny. The not knowing for sure will mess with him even more.

I think what you did was genius, it may make him think twice in future. But it's definitely one of those things where once it's done, you pretend it didn't happen.

MissWritenow · 05/07/2017 19:09

You did something really greasy, you totally shouldn't have. It's immature and cruel. That's the actual facts. However, in this case it seems to have been very beneficial - for him, not saying it's gonna do you any favours! - in that he's suddenly seen the light, so to speak. I'm a painfully moral and ethical person, but I think that whilst morally you'd be "doing the right thing" by confessing, ethically you would harm his apparent huge leap into adulthood if he thought it was a trick.
What started as an immature and spieful revenge has, in actual fact, done him the world of good. Don't tell him.
Somehow, though, I find it hard to believe it was really that simple... Maybe I'm being naive? Either way I would tread carefully as regards a further relationship with this guy. Personally, I'd see it as a job well done and move on. For one thing, it's early days and he may just have been shocked and is therefore counting his blessings (or warm beds), and, for another, if it becomes loves young dream then you will end up confessing (and the shit will royally hit that fan) over the next 30+ years of bliss.
Don't feel too bad, but be careful!

TicketyBoo83 · 05/07/2017 19:12

Serves him right!

PollytheDolly · 05/07/2017 19:28

Well, I'm sorry, he had that coming.

thetreesarebare · 05/07/2017 19:33

You & your friend are ace. I would love to have the bottle to do something like this. Completely cut contact, forget about him & move on.

janaus · 05/07/2017 19:36

Well played!!!! Good for you.
Don't tell him. Delete and move on.

KittyLover91 · 05/07/2017 19:39

Hahaha good on you and serves him right the bastard!

wiltingfast · 05/07/2017 19:42

An operator like that? He is DEFINITELY onto you. Probably has some twisted head fuck thing planned for revenge. Probably involves more condomless sex

IGNORE and BLOCK

If you do end up talking to him again, trying saying tearfully it's just too painful. You wish him the best (HAH) but it's too late for the two of you.

SpikyCoconut · 05/07/2017 19:52

Don't tell him the truth whatever you do!

I agree a bit immature but also hilarious! And deserved.

putdownyourphone · 05/07/2017 19:58

Hmmm I think he knows it was you.

Cricrichan · 05/07/2017 20:41

Hmm. Next time he more subtle. Most people wouldn't be so blunt even if they'd seen him and thought that. They would have come up with an excuse. So he's definitely onto you or thinks that it's someone he knows.

MollyWantsACracker · 05/07/2017 22:09

Even if he has arrived at the conclusion now that it might have been you, so what. He still got a good kick up the arse and had to sit with himself for a few hours or days or however long feeling a bit shit. Good.

If he contacts again it's "I've moved on, all the best"
Good for you op Smile

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 05/07/2017 22:15

He did a shit thing.

You did a shit thing.

Neither of you is coming out in glory but you were more immature, he was a lot more deceitful as it was long term and multiple times. The comment he made is just vile.

So I'd just leave him to his sleazy ways and act your age next time.

Lesson learnt.

Lesley1980 · 05/07/2017 22:21

What if he knows it was you? He doesn't care really but contacted you to play with your head? Has he been in your Facebook? Is your friend on your Facebook?

Other than that I'd just ignore him & cut all contact. Don't tell him.

foodiefil · 05/07/2017 22:22

Lol!!

Sorry but that's hilarious. It was crap of him to lie and you took revenge. Now don't do anything else - least of all tell him! You got your conclusion. He'll get over it and be back to shagging about in no time.

You hurt nobody but him and he hurt you and well, who else?

Refilona · 05/07/2017 22:24

Get more friends to join in and do it again.. . and again... and again until it's not funny anymore Grin

smashyourglasses · 05/07/2017 22:26

Good job 👍

MissJSays · 05/07/2017 22:32

I think that's really funny and he deserved to be knocked down a peg or two! Boohoo his confidence is knocked! I bet your confidence was knocked when you realised he was sleeping with other women.

MissJSays · 05/07/2017 22:33

That's really tickled me and is something me and my friends would probably do!!!

AcrossthePond55 · 05/07/2017 22:44

Well, 'two wrongs don't make a right' but in this case (to use another old chestnut) 'the end justifies the means'.

Maybe he's learnt his lesson, but more likely he'll lick his wounded little ego, convince himself that 'Ms X' was probably a 'fat slag'* anyway and he'll then regain his misplaced sense of confidence and be right back out there shagging multiple women and not giving a shit who he hurts or whose health he endangers. But at least in the meantime you may have saved a couple of women from him.

*I'm using those two particular words as that seems to be that type of man's usual rationale for turning down a nice woman (fat) or for a woman who chooses, like him, to have indiscriminate sex (slag).

ferando81 · 05/07/2017 22:48

He is a twat and suspects it's you.He is looking to put one over on you

misit · 05/07/2017 23:02

He's still playing you, he's having a laugh at your expense.

Of course he knows.

DarkNightDelight · 06/07/2017 01:11

I think he got what he deserved! Scum bag!

You and your mate sound ace lol wish I had the balls!

Block the looser and high five yourself Wine

user1486956786 · 06/07/2017 03:50

Thank god this is only the issue. As I was reading I thought you were going to say you were pregnant.

Look I really hate people being mean to other people about their appearance... so if you are feeling that guilty you can always get your friend to message him apologising? Rather than you confessing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread