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Original poster

I've done something really shitty. Should I confess?

101 replies

ShouldIConfess · 05/07/2017 17:53

I have done something that is really immature and shit for a 30 something year old woman, I am feeling really ashamed Blush

To give some back story, I met a man online a few months ago and we dated for 5 months. During this time it was extremely intense, he was extremely complimentary towards me, talked about our future together, saw each other very regularly, I introduced him into my home. We also had sex without a condom which is something I am very meticulous about but I really felt I had a future with this guy (I made sure he showed me proof of an up to date STI test prior to this of course).

It turned out that he had still been going on the dating site in which we met throughout our 'relationship' and had been picking up women for sex. At least 5 that I know of. It seems to be his game that he picks up women on these dating sites and has a string of us on the go at once. When I confronted him about this as he had led me on, as well as putting my sexual health at risk, he rebuffed saying 'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I?' I found this out 2 weeks ago and didn't talk to him.

So here is the part where I did something really shit. My friend and I were sharing a bottle of wine on Friday evening and I was upset about this whole situation. In our giddy state we made a fake online dating profile using her pictures to lure him in. We then arranged for the two of them to go on a date on the Sunday evening. Come the Sunday evening, he went to the arranged meeting spot and we then messaged him from the profile saying that 'she'd seen him and decided not to approach him as he was far uglier and heavier than his pictures, and he should use more up to date ones to avoid tricking women.' Blush Yes it was immature and I feel really stupid now.

Today he called me out of the blue and told me of the experience he had over the weekend and that it knocked him for six. He told me that he feels terrible for treating me so cruelly as well as the other women, and he is no longer going to do any online dating as his confidence is in tatters and he didn't realise he could feel this shit about himself.

I feel even more terrible for what I have done now. Should I confess and tell him that it was me and my friend? Or keep quiet about it? What he did to me and the other women was really shit but I am generally not a vengeful woman.

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 05/07/2017 18:38

Meh. What's the big fucking deal ? A taste of his own medicine could only be a bitter one

Yep.

I don't think you did a bad thing AT ALL. Serves the twat right. Anyfucker as always is correct. Also, why ARE you still in contact with him glutton for punishment

BattleaxeGalactica · 05/07/2017 18:40

Meh.

Nasty little sleazebag gets the tables turned for once in his lying life. So what?

Cut all contact and move on.

ChangeMyUserName · 05/07/2017 18:40

Don't tell him.
It does make you look crazy.
This is going to sound weird, but I did almost the same thing.. just without a friend to help.
I opened a fake account, got a fake sim, texted for a short while - arranged to meet in a place I knew he'd have to drive out of his way to get too...
Then I called him from the fake number and told him we were no longer dating...
he did some name calling and some shouting. I laughed.
He then called back to apologise and tell me he totally fell for it which is why he was so angry. I told him what I thought of him.
this was about 9 years ago now!! (OMG I feel old now) - I was in my mid 20's

And don't go back to him. He didn't value you enough first time around. It's all very well teaching him a lesson (well done) but in my opinion you need a better level of trust for a relationship.
Don't give up though - I met my DH on a dating site and we're coming up to 5 years married!

BewareOfDragons · 05/07/2017 18:41

Don't admit it. He had it coming.

And make sure any social media pages (like fb) aren't open to his viewing if you have pics of you and your friend, of she is listed as a 'friend' to you.

Lynnm63 · 05/07/2017 18:41

I don't think what you did was that shitty. He may well think it's you but I'd front it out. If he rings again just tell him you've moved on so don't call again.

demirose87 · 05/07/2017 18:43

Hmmm its a tough one. Its good in that its taught him a lesson. Hes led you on and not been upfront about his intentions until after hes slept with you and put your sexual health at risk. However, he also hadn't told you he would be the only one he was sleeping with. You just presumed that. I wouldnt tell him it was you, but I wouldn't be interested in seeing him again.

demirose87 · 05/07/2017 18:43

Hmmm its a tough one. Its good in that its taught him a lesson. Hes led you on and not been upfront about his intentions until after hes slept with you and put your sexual health at risk. However, he also hadn't told you he would be the only one he was sleeping with. You just presumed that. I wouldnt tell him it was you, but I wouldn't be interested in seeing him again.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 05/07/2017 18:44

Don't feel bad, he didn't when he was pursuing other women!
Do get yourself down to the GUM clinic though.

Serialweightwatcher · 05/07/2017 18:45

I just find it really odd that an obvious philanderer would call you out of the blue to tell you about this experience when usually a man wouldn't dare tell anyone someone had criticised him in that way, particularly a woman and one he's messed about before. In that case I would think he either knows you were behind it, or he's wanting to get back with you because he's lost his confidence and doesn't think he can get anyone else - either way not good really

facedontfit · 05/07/2017 18:46

Well done. Think of all the women you have hopefully saved from his crappy behaviour.

DearMrDilkington · 05/07/2017 18:46

Haha good on you.

Sounds like something I'd do.

OohMavis · 05/07/2017 18:48

This seems like something you'd read in Take a Break...

Do people really do stuff like this? In real life?

alltalknobaby · 05/07/2017 18:49

He knows it was you.

PurplePeppers · 05/07/2017 18:50

What came though my mind was

  • he just has got a taste of his own medicine and clearly didn't like it. If this means he will be more mindful in the future, good. Whether he is feeling crap about it now has nothing to do with. It's betwen him and his conscience really.
  • or he guessed he was being set up and is trying to get at you.
Ebaygum · 05/07/2017 18:50

DO NOT TELL HIM.

Either he doesn't know it was you, in which case you have actually performed a social service. You really have. In my view you deserve Flowers Flowers Flowers. Don't feel shit about it - you are the Angel of Karma. You may have saved plenty of women from emotional hurt and unwanted STDs.

I don't care if his confidence is in tatters because When I confronted him about this as he had led me on, as well as putting my sexual health at risk, he rebuffed saying 'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I? is an extraordinarily shit thing to say to any human.

OR he's on to you (tbh I doubt it as there are millions of OLD profiles - why would he think it was you when he's fucking over lots of women???) in which case you need to steer well clear. Do not confess or you are creating a whole bunch of other trouble for yourself down the line. He may enlist friends of his/turn nasty stalker etc etc. Stay silent and move on.

Block him, dust yourself down and move on. Give yourself a high five from me.

Getoutofthatgarden · 05/07/2017 18:50

we then messaged him from the profile saying that 'she'd seen him and decided not to approach him as he was far uglier and heavier than his pictures, and he should use more up to date ones to avoid tricking women

I wonder if he's changed his profile photo yetGrin

Don't confess, sounds like he needed brought down a peg or two.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/07/2017 18:51

I thought he's either onto you, or suspects/hopes it's you or another of his conquests...don't tell him. Let him wonder.

What a wanker. He deserved a little comeuppance.

Cut all contact now. An unpleasant deceitful person has dragged you into this level of revenge, which I don't think you'd should have even one moment of guilt over...but step away now.

Emmageddon · 05/07/2017 18:51

Aw poor man, he's probably sobbing into his cocoa (the sugar-free version obviously), thinking he's fat and ugly.

Nah, I'm with the others, he knows damn well it was you that set him up.

And he's probably back online, getting his next shag in place.

DistanceCall · 05/07/2017 18:52

'well I have to see who is the best shag before I settle don't I?'

Naaaaaah, don't tell him. And don't feel bad about it. He completely deserved what you did.

JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt · 05/07/2017 18:53

Haha good for you and well done! Grin

NC4now · 05/07/2017 18:54

Meh. Hell hath no fury and all that.
Block his number and move on.

InigoTaran · 05/07/2017 18:55

Don't contact him!

And change your username to KarmaQueen Grin

MumBod · 05/07/2017 18:55

Erm - wasn't that the perfect result?

Fuck him. Or rather, don't.

He deserved it, the prick.

RideOn · 05/07/2017 18:59

I definitely think he is on to you

and he is pretending to be "reformed" in order to trick you further.

I don't believe this incident was a revelation to him, he sounds quite calculated and I doubt a random woman insulting him would make him change his mind.

I think although there may be many women, you are the only one to have rowed with him/found him out recently.

Cut all contact.
Do not confess.
Remain disgusted at his behaviour.

pudding21 · 05/07/2017 19:01

My friend did something similar, she is normally so level headed but her shit head of a boyfriend was hitting up everyone he could online (they had been living together about 6 months). She would be sat in the same room as him and she would know he was sat there fucking about.

So she created a fake profile, made it look very authentic and started messaging him. Low and behold he was hooked and it got to the point he suggested they meet up. So she arranged a date and time and she watched him leave the house. The person never showed up of course, but she knew she had him hook line and sinker. She did other things like change all his passwords and wrote shit on his page so he couldn't log in and comment or remove it. She was bat shit crazy for a while and now she wonders why on earth she did it. He was shit in bed and she knew it was a disaster from the start.

I don't blame her for doing it, he was a shit.